I would appreciate some critique of my statement of purpose and some help making it shorter. I have removed any names of institutions or people for the sake of privacy. My conclusion and maybe introduction could be stronger. Thanks in advance.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
a privilege to be a part of IBBME's graduate community
When I was in high school, not many people were aware of what Biomedical Engineering was. There was a common misconception that the work of a biomedical engineer was simply to repair devices in hospitals. Yet, I decided to pursue a degree in Biomedical Engineering since it seemed to combine my interest in engineering with my interest in medicine and medical progress.
I pursued my undergraduate degree in Biomedical Engineering at Engineering College, a reputed institution affiliated with University. There, I gained comprehensive knowledge on subjects like Biomechanics, Prosthetic devices, Microprocessors, System Design, and Biomedical Instrumentation, to name a few. My keen interest in the course material allowed me to secure a CGPA of 8.56 on a graded scale of 10. This score placed me first in my college and 13th out of 578 students who earned a degree in Biomedical Engineering from all affiliated colleges of University in the academic year 2016.
In my 3rd year of college, I worked on a project titled 'An extremely cheap ECG machine'. My team and I could create a simple ECG machine using commonly found parts. We achieved our aim of reducing the cost of acquiring an ECG and making it possible for a patient to take the ECG by themselves without the help of a technician or nurse. This project gave me my first opportunity to apply the technical knowledge that I had gained from the coursework. I also had the chance to experience the practical difficulties of developing an instrument from scratch.
I have a fascination for the neural system and EEG (Electroencephalogram) which led me to work on a project in my 4th year titled 'Assessment of brain activity when exposed to cellular radiation using EEG signals'. For this project, my team and I recorded our EEG signals before, during and after speaking for 4 minutes on a mobile phone and processed the acquired signals. We could conclude that there was an increase in the energy of delta waves in the frontal region of the brain while speaking on the mobile phone for a long time. We also worked on an exploratory objective of assessing the changes in the EEG signals in different parts of the brain for normal and epileptic subjects.
During the execution of this project, I worked closely with a lab, a hospital, and an EEG technician to collect and work on real EEG signals. I also consulted a neurologist to get his opinion on the signals so that I could determine the correlation of my results with his diagnosis. Working with people in different environments helped me understand the full cycle of how a device is used in practice. I was grateful for the opportunity to work on this project as it involved analysing EEG signals of actual patients
During my Summer holidays, I chose to train at hospitals where I could observe and learn how various devices worked and how they were used. These experiences supplemented the knowledge that I had gained in my undergraduate course, as I could understand the practical application of the devices I learned about. In my first in-plant training at Hospital, I had the chance to dismantle an ECG machine and explore its various parts and to assemble it again. I greatly appreciated the experience to work with an actual ECG machine after studying about it for months. I had similar opportunities to work on such real machines on multiple occasions. I, also, had the chance to understand the structure of the hospitals, the various departments and how devices played an important role in the integration of these departments.
After graduation, I joined a Contract Research Organisation in May 2016. I got to understand how new drugs and devices were manufactured and the various stages of development and trials that it must undergo before it gets released in the market. I am currently working as a Clinical System Analyst and have set up the Electronic Data Capture for the clinical trials of new medical devices and drugs.
I have many interests apart from just academic. I have participated in many athletic events and have won 2nd and 3rd positions at state level swimming meets. I love reading books, especially mystery and horror, and play the keyboard. I am also a Bharathanatyam dancer and a Carnatic singer and have participated in many dance and music programs.
Having gained comprehensive knowledge through my projects, in-plant training, relevant coursework and work experience, my penchant to broaden my knowledge in the core field of rehabilitation engineering has swelled tremendously. I am hugely passionate about pursuing a graduate degree at the University of Toronto given the high-end infrastructure and flexibility of the courses that would help me delve deeper into the concepts. The course structure of the Master of Engineering (MEng) program with research theme in Neural, Sensory Systems & Rehabilitation is of particular interest to me. With courses like Rehabilitation Engineering and Disordered and Restorative Motor Control, I'm confident I would be able to satisfy my specific interests and need to develop a high level skillset. It would be an honour to work under the supervision of accomplished faculties like Professor A , Professor B, and Professor C. I am sure that the included internship program would serve to further enhance my prowess and prepare me for my future career in the industry. It would be a privilege to study at the University of Toronto and be a part of IBBME's graduate community. I am sure that I will be able to achieve my goals keeping in line the university's expectations.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Kajal, the first paragraph is not required in a statement of purpose. The focus of the statement of purpose should be on summarizing your college studies, highlighting any awards and accolades that you may have received, as well as a discussion of your related graduation thesis project. So instead of your third year project, you should be presenting your fourth year project in relation to your chosen masters degree. Once you have established your amateur acumen as a college student, you are required to present your current professional interests and explain how these relate to the masters degree you plan to undertake. If possible relate it to a professional situation you need to resolve by increasing your knowledge or showing an interest in further developing your college thesis for potential application in your current workforce, hence the necessary advanced studies. Justifying the need for this line of study in your profession will increase the possibility that you are not only well prepared professionally to undertake this course, but that you will also complete this course as your future career growth depends upon this additional theoretical and practical training. If you do not have professional experience yet, then your internships and apprenticeships can take the place of the professional background that you lack. Your final paragraph is fine. You don't need to adjust the content of that paragraph because it works as an explanation of why you chose the university. However, you need to represent the professional expectations that you have from the training your will be receiving as well. How you plan to use the knowledge helps to better create a purpose for your studies. Remember, expand upon your professional experience in relation to the masters degree. That is the whole point of this essay and you should make sure to highlight that in your work.
