Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Graduate   % width Posts: 2


Personal Statement for Graduate Enrollment (Astronomy Major)


goldeniseu 1 / -  
Sep 1, 2022   #1
Hello, this is a Personal Statement that I made for Graduate Admission to one of University in South Korea. I didn't write the instructions as I want to use this essay as a basis to try register to for several universities with different guidelines. But, what can I improve from this Personal Statement?

Astronomy is the oldest science in this world.


Yet, many things have not been discovered in our borderless universe.


When I was young, my father often showed me many pictures and videos about astronomy and its endless space. I simply fell in love with its beauty. I found myself stunning to see the stars, planets, moons, comets, and galaxies in the videos. I questioned myself how I can know more about them until I decided to take an astronomy major. Joining the national screening test for the favorite university's undergraduate program was my first battle to finish. I never make it less to get what I dream of. After doing my best in the test, here came the result announcement. I opened the website, and yes, I did it. I was accepted into astronomy major, Faculty of Mathematics and Natural Sciences, A University, the only university in Southeast Asia with an astronomy major in 2016. Of the 2175 applicants, 158 were accepted into the Faculty of Science and Mathematics and 38 of them joined the astronomy major.

Becoming a member of this faculty is a kind of great motivation to study with new colleagues and mentors. In the first year, I really enjoyed the to review basic subjects in science. Then I get impressed with what I learned in the second year especially when I studied astrophysics. In astrophysics, there are three sub-majors; solar system, stellar and galaxy physics, and cosmology. In the following year, I found myself getting interested in stellar physics. It led me to have more discussions with professors who also majored in stellar physics. I later registered for a fast-track program where I can finish my master's study in only two years and get full-tuition support from my university. For a student who took a fast-track program like me, it is a benefit to learn how to manage my time effectively compared with the regular track, although it was a kind of a hectic time in my life. Finishing my bachelor's and master's research thesis in two years is the hardest time in this journey. I conducted research about B-emission stars. It is a unique type of star because these B-emission stars have emission lines on their Balmer lines spectra and rotate rapidly, unlike average stars which only have absorption lines. In my thesis I did library research, processed, and analyze the data using Image Reduction and Analysis Facility (IRAF) software, and interpreted the scores to get the variability's pattern. Successfully finished in 2021 with a pleasurable GPA is the best present for my support system.

One experience that greatly impacted me was being a teaching assistant. While doing my master's study, I worked as a teaching assistant in two bachelor courses; Stellar System, and Astronomy and Environment. Being a teaching assistant helped me to enhance my knowledge on the related topic, especially the Stellar System class. Besides doing administrative matters, I contributed too in developing the learning program by reviewing students' work and doing student consultations. I can familiarize myself with working circumstances by being a teaching assistant. I also became familiar with using many astronomical software to help in data processing and research. For example, I use Image Reduction and Analysis Facility (IRAF) software to do my bachelor's and master's theses. In addition, I am also capable of using Modules for Experiments in Stellar Astrophysics (MESA) web version, Topcat software, and Visual Observatory (VO). Furthermore, I am familiar with the academic writing and publications process. My paper '(Paper Title)' already published at May 2022 in an online proceeding following the Space Panorama Conference held on 30 October 2021 to commemorate the 70th year of astronomy education where I became one of the presenters.

With the things I have done, I realized that in astronomy research, its results proved to have significant benefits in human life. For example, the invention of the Charged-Coupled Devices (CCD) camera that was first used to capture astronomical objects is now used widely in professional, medical, and scientific applications to capture high-quality images. Another example is the Global Positioning System (GPS), which uses astronomical satellites to determine Earth's precise orientation in space.

Because of the immeasurable size of the universe, there are countless objects that have not been discovered and the causality has not been answered yet in astronomy, despite being the oldest science in this world. Being involved in a Ph.D. study will make me a way to fulfill my further curiosity in discovering new knowledge about our vast universe and contributing to more astronomy research. Astronomy knowledge is growing globally because every researcher has almost the same intangible object that they can't touch or even see, therefore I would like to make wider connections by studying abroad.

South Korea has a long history of astronomy. For example, Cheomseongdae is the oldest observatory in Asia built in 630s C.E. in Gyeongju. It is known to be a site used to do ceremonial rites to honor the sky and the stars. There are also many observatories and astronomy research facilities that can facilitate this discipline to grow rapidly there. They have Korean Microlensing Telescope Network (KMTnet) for exoplanet discovery. Korea also joined an international consortium to develop Giant Magellan Telescope (GMT) that can rival Hubble Space Telescope, and Korea will be able to use it for one month each year, anticipated to bring a new remarkable growth of Astronomy in Korea. It is such an inspiration for those who desire to contribute to astronomy research.

When I explored a university in South Korea that offers an astronomy major, I found out that Professor X from Y University recently researched stripped-envelope stars which is still under the same sub-major that I want to explore. Because we have the same research interests, I want to study and work under his guidance. I already contacted him by email, and he said he would welcome me to his research group in stellar physics. Y University has a great facility in the Astronomy program; three telescopes inside the campus area can support my study and research since it is easily accessible for students. The stellar research group is also a great help because I am familiar with all the topics covered there, and I can study many things about research in astronomy pleasantly there.

After completing my study in Y university, I want to enhance my skill by continuing to a post-doctoral program. Then I will dedicate myself to developing astronomy knowledge by working as an astronomy researcher, focusing on stellar physics topics. Furthermore, I also want to develop research collaborations between South Korea and Z country, considering the strategic observational location where South Korea is located in the northern hemisphere and Z country is located in the southern hemisphere.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4773  
Sep 1, 2022   #2
You are asking me to do the impossible here. I need to know what the writing instructions are for the personal statement so that I can properly assess this writing. I cannot be expected to help you fix an essay or improve it when I do not know the assessment guidelines for the response. I understand that you want to take the easy way and use the same essay for all the applications but let me tell you now, you will not be able to do that. You cannot do that because you will always have to adjust the content of the essay to suit the writing instructions or information requirements of each university. In some instances, you may even end up writing a totally new essay, depending on the university application requirements. So keeping the instructions a secret for this version is useless. I could end up giving irrelevant advice regarding improvement or additions since I have no idea what the writing should be about. I am not going to do that because it will not be helpful to you at all. You could also think I do not know my job because of my irrelevant or little use advice when it was you who forced the incorrect advice to be given by withholding relevant instructions for its assessment.


Home / Graduate / Personal Statement for Graduate Enrollment (Astronomy Major)
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳