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Personal statement - Former QA & Product Manager applying Master of Data Science


Hana Fang 1 / -  
Dec 11, 2019   #1
Hi, this is my first draft, any suggestions are welcome!Thank you in advance

'All consumer goods worth being redone'.


This sentence has spread widely in the entrepreneurial circle in China. Despite the myriad products to choose from, many new brands stand out and gain huge success each year. Optimizing what we already have hides enormous opportunities and leveraging data analysis is an essential key to seize them. I would like to adapt this sentence as 'All individuals, products and organizations are worth being optimized, with data'. By data collection, designing experiments and interpreting the data, we can drive solution improvements and key data predictions, therefore make wiser decisions and optimize our action. I am excited to use data analytic skills to optimize this world a bit and pursuit it as a long-term career.

Over the past five years, my work opportunities as a Product Manager have largely involved Analytics in various domains like e-commerce, online-video, and online-gaming. I always use data to help me identify areas for improvement in my products and plan for the next move. When there are differences of opinion with others, data is my most effective weapon for expressing opinions. I mined valuable information from billions of raw data and expanded the user profile, which significantly improved the ROI of operational activities. I crawled and analyzed the relevant market moves on a weekly basis, allowing us to respond quickly to the market. In a CRM project, I led to build a model to predict sales, based on which our clients formulated stocking and turnover plans, resulting a beautiful increase line of sales. Being a Product Manager has provided me with invaluable experience in using analytics to influence product decisions. As projects evolve and grow with complex market needs, I have continuously affirmed my desire to shift my focus to data analysis. However, my experiences have also exposed my knowledge gaps and motivated me to pursue an advanced degree program to address my knowledge gaps and position myself to excel in the data science field.

Born and raised in a remote village in Inner Mongolia, I earned the top 1% score and was admitted by the best university of a developed province with a population over Canada. I amassed theoretical knowledge in essential subjects a software engineer needs to have and secure a Quality Assurance internship in a leading public software company before my senior year. I spent almost my whole senior year doing intern job, and finished the graduation project using extra time. After working half a year I started to do the same work as regular employees with three years of experience and got paid the same salary. My experience as a Test Engineer had polished my skill of writing SQL queries and taught me effective ways to work between the business team and developer teams. When I gradually realized that I prefer to create or optimize a system rather than to maintain, I changed my job to product manager.

During the last two years, I gained substantial experience in Data Science by attending the verified course for The Applied Data Science and Machine Learning Specialization from coursera where I gained wider exposure to the use of Data Science in different domains. I also fortified my knowledge of Computer Science by taking online courses and specializations focused on Python, MySql, Tableau, and Machine Learning and by participating in hands-on projects on kaggle. I am eager to advance my knowledge in Data Science to achieve my future goals.

After comparing programs that I felt aligned with my professional aspirations, I believe that XXX degree offered by XXX University will provide me an opportunity to establish myself in the data science field and eventually emerge as an industry leader. Courses such as XXX, XXX, and XXX will expand my academic horizons and help me in using the available data precisely. I am also excited about the outstanding faculties of the program which have a nice blend of top academicians and practitioners in the field, from which I will get a full, holistic perspective of the study of data. In addition, the industry internship will help shaping me into suitable data analyst that ready for facing the real world problems. I firmly believe that by undertaking systematic studies at your school, I can become a professional with both a broad perspective and the expertise, necessary for my goals and aspirations in the future.

After graduating from XXX University, I would like to work as a Data Analyst, preferably in healthcare or entertainment industry and have proficiency in designing experiments, interpreting the data, and inferring conclusions.Also, I would keep abreast of new developments in data science and optimize or create new models someday, and I would keep sharing my knowledge and experience in a user-friendly way to help and inspire younger people. I am looking forward to use my data analysis skills to drive meaningful, sustainable changes and make the world a bit better.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Dec 13, 2019   #2
@Hana Fang
Welcome to the forum! I hope that my feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing. Don't hesitate to approach if you have any other questions.

What I find problematic about your writing is the fact that you needed to trim down the usage of excessive language to make the essay more effective. Remember that the message is more important than how much complex language you are using all throughout. Try to bear this advice in mind as you are writing.

Furthermore, while I think that there's nothing staggeringly wrong about your writing, you should still be mindful of smaller mistakes that you may commit. For instance, be cautious of the tenses that you are using. Being more consistent with this will help your writing become a lot more academic.

Try to also exercise being organized with your writing. I have noticed that you had a tendency to jump from talking about the university you want to partake in to explaining your background. Try to compartmentalize everything by theme and sequence prior to writing everything to make the essay a lot more smoother.


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