Hello all, I am applying GKS 2020 to continue masters with drug economic evaluation major. Below is written my personal statement. I have practiced and rewrite this essay a gazillion times already. Kindly your help to comment on my essay. Thank you!
GKS 2020 application essay - personal statement
Despite have been working in pharmaceutical industry for the past two and a half years, it was the two weeks I spent guarding my mother in ICU that finally made me understand the value of medicines. Although the doctors had prescribed the most potent antibiotics to treat her condition with sepsis (life-threatening body's response to an infection), she still lost the battle to the illness. Sepsis has mortality rate as high as sixty percent which equals to those chronic diseases such as diabetes, cancer, and heart diseases. However, there are far more treatments and researches focused on the latter. The mediocre clinical efficacy of antibiotics present today shows two possible rationales: lack of funding on Research and Development (R&D) and bad governance system such as - pricing and reimbursement - which limits access to proper medicines. These issues requires economic evaluation on drugs by both the state and private companies to prevent poor decision making. This notion strengthened my goal to expand my expertise in pharmaceutical industry to save lives of larger community.
My interest in healthcare, however, rooted back to my years of high school where I first learned about the production of insulin from bacteria to help people with diabetes. The fascination motivated me to study hard and eventually excel at biology class. During this time, I began to aim my future career towards medicines and healthcare. Through my bachelor thesis in XXXX, titled "XXXX", I learned how to utilize the DNA of microorganism - such as Escherichia coli - to produce the desired protein - such as DNA polymerase - that is useful in health industry. Today recombinant DNA pharmaceuticals are widely developing owing to its effectiveness. I also attended internship at the leading vaccine manufacturer in my country, XXXX. I worked closely with professional researchers under Research and Development Department, where I conducted a research on antimicrobial effectivity test from pneumococcus vaccine. It was during this time I was first introduced to pharmaceutical supply chain which include, but not limited to research, clinical development, manufacturing, and distribution.
Today I work as a Microbiology Specialist under Quality Operations Department at one of the largest pharmaceutical company worldwide, XXXX in Indonesia. I collaborated on daily basis with a wide range of departments such as production, engineering, technical, and quality assurance to ensure the medicines we manufactured are in compliance with regulatory requirements. Being involved directly in supporting XXXX's manufacturing and supply network, I learned that there is still a huge unmet healthcare needs which reflects the current condition of pharmaceutical industry in Indonesia generally. Due to large population and limited resources, adopting economic approach will be an imperative for both biopharma companies and government. My future goal is to become a professional at top level in governmental organization with focus on pharmaceuticals to bring impact to the health and lives of larger community.
I intend to achieve my goal by pursuing graduate study in Drug Economic Evaluation under Graduate Program of Industrial Pharmaceutical Science at Yonsei University, South Korea. The country is home to notable global universities that produce top researches and high-qualified personnel. One of the most prestigious is Yonsei University, which had a long history on medicines and healthcare. The core syllabus focuses heavily on economic evaluation methodology and statistics methodology which I think are essential in producing crucial financial decision in industrial pharmacy. In addition, the curriculum also include industry-academic cooperation internship with numerous partnered companies and organizations which would allow me to gain firsthand experience and enhance my knowledge and skill.
Furthermore, pharmaceutical industry is to become South Korea's growth engine since their government recently declared bio/pharmaceuticals as one of the most prioritized sector, thus focusing its resources and investment to improve the industry. I would like to learn the process of economic evaluation behind this powerful decision which would be valuable in the future.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4782 There is a severe lack of Korean connections between your work experience and academic background. Your interest in studying in Korea is severely weak at this point. Actually, it is non-existent. There is no clear indication that you have a passion to study in Korea except for this idea that you could study there. It is a very weak essay that will not be given much notice nor thought by the reviewer. You need to strengthen your personal interest in studying in Korea. There should be, aside from a professional interest, which you do not portray in this essay, an interest in Korean culture, society, and medical profession. The question you should be responding to is "Why South Korea?" You don't really offer any convincing responses in this essay to that question. While your research and professional background is good, it is not strong enough to convince the reviewer that you will make a good masters degree candidate for the program.
