i am submitting in a master program in Goldsmiths and i just finished my personal statement, Can you please check it and let me know your feedback, Thank you in advance
Filmmaking Study and Passion
My passion for filmmaking had begun during high school. I found myself drawn to the stories around me; stories about teachers, lovers, workers and families. I quickly came to realize that I was not just fascinated by the stories, but how each of them came to unfold, and I wanted to share them with the world.
I was hungry to tell stories. I wanted to learn anything I could to allow me to get there. This appetite led me to take a two week workshop on low-budget filmmaking by an Egyptian Filmmaker Basel Ramsis. During that course I learned about different techniques to telling a good story, and how to do it efficiently with a lean team.
This workshop had fueled my desire for filmmaking as a storytelling medium. Not only was this art form a way to bring these stories to life, but to translate the story to the audience. It was after this eye opening course that I decided to dedicate my career to impactful storytelling that might inspire others; and film would be my tool in making that happen.
During my years in high school, the social norm was that, we as Egyptians could only be and accomplish so much. It was a negative outlook that became socially acceptable even among our teachers. I believe that the media and entertainment that was being consumed by the public had a big part to play in this. I refused and continue to refuse this narrative, and became further motivated to tell stories that could inspired and motivate members of my society through the stories I shared.
I began to make films at any opportunity I had. In January 2007, I directed my first experimental short film called "Adam's son." While it was a primitive start, I was not discouraged. I created my next short a year later in February 2008 titled "Overload" during a workshop for young filmmakers. This film later received two nominations in the Stranger film festival.
This led to me being selected to be an ambassador, along with 10 other filmmakers, for the Stranger Film Festival. This honor had reinforced my drive for storytelling through film even more, and led me to create films for the next eight years.
During that time, I created viral music videos for some of Egypt's most established musicians like Hamza Namira's "Insan" or Zap Tharwat's "Meen El Sabab", I created several short films including "Eh El Ebarra", an award winning feature film "Fi Youm", and commercials for multi-national companies like Nestle and Red Bull.
Although I've created and currently create films, I know that I am nowhere near the level that I can be. I know that I am just getting started and that with the Goldsmith's Directing Fiction Master Program, it will push me further as a professional filmmaker while providing me with the mentoring opportunities that will guide me to strengthen my voice as a storyteller.
Additionally, following the completion of this course, I aim to confidently be able to manage larger scale productions and to learn more about how to better communicate my ideas to local and international audiences. If there was ever a better time for me to pursue an advanced learning opportunity and to allow me to allow me to mature as a filmmaker, I believe that time is now.
Recently I've finished a script for a short film called (Swan Lake). The story grapples with the overprotective hypocritical nature that Egyptian society has established, which has a deep rooted toxic effect on women. Through a seemingly harmless moment at a ballet recital, a young girl's world is shattered by the irrational behavior of her overprotective father.
It would be a privilege for me to refine and develop this story under the right mentorship while having the opportunity to attend this program and grow as a storyteller and filmmaker.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Karim, your responses are not as in-depth as it can be at this point. The information you have presented sound more like place holders than anything else. You need to develop the thoughts more behind each topic presented. For example, in the first paragraph, there is no real rationale for your desire to pursue a career in film making. Why did you feel that you had a responsibility to tell stories? It is this sense of responsibility that represents your rationale and should be well represented in the paragraph.
In the second paragraph, you need to mention if you have formal academic training in film making and where, if you attended seminars and the names and dates of these seminars, and, if you say you have worked 8 years as a professional, name some films you have worked on and in what capacity.
Don't tell the reviewer you just bought your first handy camera. You can't claim to have 8 years experience and then just recently have purchased the most important film making device. If you have not taken and formal courses or joined any seminars, justify why you believe that your actual experience in film making makes you a better masters candidate. Remember, the others applying have formal training so unless you can come off sounding like the Steve Jobs of film making, not having any formal training may work against your application.
When you mention your work experience and awards, be specific. Mention the films, advertisements and anything else that they can fact check against your application. Being able to examine your work personally may just work in your favor in this case. Your reason for wishing to attend the program is very weak. You need to better analyze the reasons behind your desire to attend this program and come up with a stronger, more competitive reason for them to consider you as an applicant.
When you mention you have developed a script, try to discuss the motivation behind the script, the story line, and what you hope to achieve by bringing this script to film. Why should they consider this information to be an important part of your application?
