Personal Statement KGS 2021 / Preparing for Graduate

GKS program application

Hi everyone, I am getting all ready to apply next year so I would really appreciate your help with my personal statement please.
This should all be on my essay:
-Motivations with which you apply for this program
-Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.
-Reason for studying in Korea
-Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.

Here's my essay:
This is my whole in a few words. My life has never been "stable", I grew up changing cities, friends, houses, schools, and specially absorbing different perspectives within my country. Due to my constant evolution, I normally am the girl who does too much, who goes too far, who never stops. We, humans, live in constant change and it is wonderful.

Feeling like a foreigner, I did not felt at ease. Until I found Art. No matter where I was, nor how old I was, Art was always there for me. I started to develop an appreciation for photography, poetry, and performing arts. While growing up, I found myself; the idea of not belonging anywhere vanished. As an extrovert, I always talked to everyone and was curios about everything. So when the time came I decided to study my BA in Communication, with a minor in Audiovisual. All because, it combined all that I love and I did not had to give up on anything. The feeling of content creation and the way it helps me understand everything that surrounds me is always a win.

Wile studying my undergraduate I had the opportunity to study abroad. I met three Koreans who saved my life without even knowing that fact. They showed me compassion, friendship and humanity. They are who they are because of their culture, and I got really curious as to why we had so much things in common and at the same time so many differences. Korea knocked my door through this individuals. I know no country is perfect. Hence, they told me all bout the good and bad things of their country; and despite the bad things they are great human beings.

Following my ambitions I went to Washington D.C where I had the opportunity to study in politic seminars; and work as a graphic designer assistant. Never leaving my artistic side behind, and adding an interest in politics just to comprehend and embrace the importance of being multidisciplinary. To be a great professional and find the right path to follow, it is necessary to step out of the box. Due to the Covid-19 I had to fly back home, and face the crude reality that still rules my country.

While on quarantine I set my goal, and be loyal to the promise I gave to those Koreans; learn their language to better understand them. I still have a long way to go but I am doing my best to learn. Ergo, I want to develop my own idea of Korea, not only have this bizarre image of what I have heard or seen. As a I saw 기생충 from director: Bong Joon-ho; I was shocked, not because of the crude portray but because of the combination of image and dialogues. He is not the only one, it was the same baseline with: Lee Chang-dong, Kang Hyeong-cheol, Cho Jung-rae, Boo Ji-young, Bora Kim, amongst many more. Korean aesthetics are raw, passional, discrete, balanced, amid other adjectives; always relating with their cultural distinctive.

Through this directors I saw that all combined image, visual narration and screenplay to reflect Korean art and culture. No country has the same way of creating, and Koreas' uniqueness is what I need to learn. Thanks to your program I will be able to materialize what is on my mind. My goal, is to be able to understand what I am doing, and how my content will affect others. Plus, working together will bring new horizons yet unexplored. Combining Mexico and Korea, not only through politics and technology, but also including perspectives and images. Our worlds colliding will open endless possibilities.

Hi, i'm just gonna fix some of your grammar mistakes I spotted since i'm not qualified enough to fix the content.

"This is my whole life in a few words"

", I am normally the girl who ..."

"We, as humans, live ..."

"Always feeling like a foreigner, I was never at ease, until I found Art."

You need to better develop the Korean relationship. Devote a paragraph to the 3 Koreans you met. How did you meet? How did the relationship develop? Why did it develop? What did you learn from them that led you to believe that Korea held a promise of a better future for you? What dawned on you about Korea based on that relationship? Try to develop that aspect to a higher level. Depict that as the education and work experience that portrays your interest in the GKS program. The rest of the essay is acceptable. You should try to highlight your aptitude for graduate study or research though. Maybe base that on your interest in Korean art through the names you mentioned. The essay is a good draft. If you can improve on those 2 other sections, it should become better.

The more I learn about mechanical engineering, the more I assured that a career as a mechanical engineer is suited to me best.