Hello! I need your help with revisng my personal statement for LLM in International Economic Law. I will be very grateful for your critics and advice about my essay.
Thank you very much for your help! The requirements for the statement are as follows；
Explain why you wish to study the programme and how the qualification is relevant to your career aspirations, as well as your expectation of the programme. (No more than 300 words)
Here is my essay:
I am a senior student majoring in Intellectual Property Law at College of Law in my university.
At my sophomore year, I found my strong interest in International Economic Law and studied hard on it. However, the course in my university only gives me a solid foundation of International Economic Law, studying the LLM program at your university will help me acquire more professional knowledge and skills necessary for future research. Moreover, the LLM program in English Module will enable me to study firsthand materials directly other than translations in Chinese. I can also expand my horizon to Chinese and Comparative Law and Common Law by program electives. In a word, the LLM program provides me a good platform to study further, so I hereby apply for it.
Last year, a paper written by me and another student got awarded in school's contest for extracurricular science and technology work. That paper encouraged me to develop my potential in academic research. So I made my mind to do research in law especially in International Economic Law. Obviously, achieving the qualification of LLM is the first and big step of my career in research, which will demonstrate that I possess abilities and knowledge necessary for further research.
Working in the publicity department of our student union improve d my communicating and writing skills and brought up my leadership. During summer holidays, I volunteered to practice in local court and promoted the above skills. With skills and knowledge that I already have, I will perform better in postgraduate study to establish necessary foundation for my career. I expect that I could analyze and provide solutions to the international legal issues concerning business transactions after my study. Besides, I look forward to researching the issues that happen simultaneously while studying the LLM program.
I am currently working on a personal goal statement too and this seems to flow way better than mine.
I think you should change "Your University" to the name of that university, so it seems more to them rather than generalized.
Besides that, I see no errors and I like how you wrote your statement. It started out from when you were really interested in the field to how you worked towards your goal. Also your reasons why you want to pursue the education is clear and well written. GOOD JOB
Please if you have time read over mine and reply on it. Thank you
I WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK, AND HOPE YOU GET INTO THE PROGRAM.
Here are some ideas for you:
I am a senior
student undergraduate majoring in Intellectual Property Law at my university's College of Law.
During my sophomore year, I found my strong interest in International Economic Law and studied hard
on it to master it.
Use a semi-colon here:
However, the course in my university only gives me a solid foundation of International Economic Law; studying the LLM program at your university will help me acquire more professional knowledge and skills necessary for future research.
Cross this out unless you are actually referring to it in a single word:
In a word, The LLM program provides me a good platform to study further, so I hereby apply for it.
I expect that I
could will be able to analyze and provide solutions to the international legal issues concerning business transactions after my study.
Great job!! You are obviously very serious as a student.
Thank you very much for your reply !!!