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Personal Statement Masters in EnergySystems (500 WORDS) - University of Oxford

HafizTaimoor 1 / 2  
Jan 13, 2021   #1
[i]Personal Statement of 500 words with requirements given below

Your statement should explain your motivation for applying for the course at Oxford, your relevant experience and education, and the specific areas that interest you and/or you intend to specialise in.


"Power sector is the backbone of any industry and Pakistan's energy sector has been marred by absence of zero carbon energy transition, lack of policy instruments for energy efficiency, circular debt and inefficient transmission network. Oxford University's Energy System's program helps in bridging the gap between industry and the governmental policies, addressing the challenges faced in energy systems development. In my current role at ministry of industries and production, as part of 46th Batch of Civil Servants of Pakistan, I have contributed to various policy initiatives of the ministry including policy making and development of two of the nine Special Economic Zones of China Pakistan Economic Corridor (CPEC) - the Islamabad Special Economic Zone and Jinnah Industrial Park, Karachi, and management and administration of Export Processing Zones across the country. I am also responsible to keep the ministry on track with respect to its assigned Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs). The ministry is working hard to ensure integration of renewable energy into energy systems and to implement energy market reforms in the industry that bring it in line with SDG 7 Affordable and Clean Energy in industry and SDG 9 innovation in industry and infrastructure.

Prior to this, I graduated in electrical engineering from NUST in 2016. During the course of study, I was the only student of my batch who was able to win an exchange program scholarship to study a semester in Kansas State University U.S. This program enhanced my skillset to include Power System Protection, Power World Simulator, ETAP, Smart Grid Lab and Power laboratory which would be meaningful in understanding the underlying physical principles that help in managing electrical faults and losses through detailed analysis of power grid, and the modules of smart energy systems, future and limitations of energy policy taught in Oxford.

Ending up in the prestigious civil service of Pakistan in 2018, I was successfully able to break the stereotype and undo my disadvantage of being born in a region with second lowest literacy rate in Pakistan. Not only did I break the stereotype, I secured 3rd position in both my Secondary and High Secondary School Divisional exams among 0.2 million students. This learning had been instrumental in enabling me to take on analytical tasks like resolution of technical and administrative issues of unprecedented 4000MW 660Kv HVDC transmission line, CPEC project, during my tenure as Assistant Director of National Transmission and Dispatch Company, Pakistan. The course of Energy Systems taught in the Oxford is cutting edge and aligns perfectly with my long term career plan of working in the energy and industrial sector in Pakistan. This will equip students with the requisite knowledge and scientific tools that will enable them to present possible solutions to complex energy problems and help them play a meaningful role in the field of energy through the Oxford Energy Network. "
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,194 3644  
Jan 14, 2021   #2
There is an extreme focus on your academic achievements overall. This unusual focus has resulted in your inability to properly represent your preliminary knowldge of the subject area and research techniques. Something that should have been supported, with proper examples of professional applications, of the theories and practices that you gained as a student at Kansas State University. Your ability to apply what you learned will determine the following requirements:

·evidence of understanding of the proposed area of study
·your ability to present a coherent case in proficient English
·your commitment to the subject, beyond the requirements of the degree course
·your preliminary knowledge of the subject area and research techniques

A professional reference to how your past training has allowed you perform well within long term professional projects will need to be presented as well to ensure that you reflect:

·your capacity for sustained and intense work
·your ability to absorb new ideas, often presented abstractly, at a rapid pace.

Unless these missing elements are presented in the revised form, this will not be a strong enough personal statement to assist your application.

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