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Personal Statement for graduate studies / Help for paragraphing


comenhelp 1 / 2  
Dec 23, 2012   #1
I'm not a native speaker and my writing is not good. I do Need ur help for this paragraph in my personal statement. ANY advice is greatly appreciated!!!!

Here it goes:
As operations went on, my repetitive duties as checking patients' personal information before operation, assisting doctors in preparing medical instruments and administering eye drops helped me win the trusts and encouragements from doctors. I indulged in a happiness of helping others and almost forgot the beginning warning.

(what I want to represent is that my performance as an intern earn doctors trust. But I cannot find a good way to include those details of my job in it, help!)

OP comenhelp 1 / 2  
Dec 23, 2012   #2
comenhelp
help!!! Is there anybody here T T
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Dec 23, 2012   #3
help!!! Is there anybody here T T

Well.... I'm here and let's try what we can do :D .... But I'm not a doctor :P

As operations went on, my repetitive duties as checking patients' personal information before operation, assisting doctors in preparing medical instruments and administering eye drops helped me win the trusts and encouragements from doctors. I indulged in a happiness of helping others and almost forgot the beginning warning.

... I guess you want to tell about the duties you performed as an intern, isn't it so? But I don't understand the parts that I have highlighted. I can help you better if you tell me what you talk about ...

I want to represent is that my performance as an intern earn doctors trust

However, this is my suggestion;
I enjoyed every moment of my internship. It trained me on meticulous checking of patients' information in preparing them for surgeries; taught me the value of teamwork when I took part in surgical team by assisting senior surgeons in preparing medical apparatus and administering eye drops. It also helped me earn the confidence of senior surgeons.
OP comenhelp 1 / 2  
Dec 23, 2012   #4
I forgot to introduce the background...
Anyway Sooo appreciate for your appearance!
Here it goes:

"Never let him touch his eyes. Take care or he will blind!" It was the first instruction from doctors in the first cataract surgery. Simple job as it was, I, as an intern, learned a great lesson about "detail" there.

As operations went on, my repetitive duties as checking patients' personal information before operation, assisting doctors in preparing medical instruments and administering eyedrops (I did topical anesthesia for patients by dripping the drops into their eye) helped me win the trusts and encouragements from doctors. I indulged in a happiness of helping others and almost forgot the beginning warning.

It was almost the last cases when a shout shocked me: "Hold her hands!" I reacted quickly before realizing how the unintentional touch might consequence in blindness. After the operation, I broke down when I recalled how close I came to misconduct. Without the doctor's timely shout, I would be regret for it in rest of my life. This volunteer trip taught me not to be a Mr. "about-the-same", but one who values every simple detail.

(The instruction said that it need to be within 1000 characters LOL) Thanks~


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