PROMPT: The Personal Statement should be between 250-500 words and should answer the following three questions:
1.Why have you chosen to apply to the University of XYZ to study this subject?
2.Which personal qualities do you possess that will help you to successfully complete this programme of study?
3.How will studying this programme help you when you return home and in your future career?
"There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware, it's a small world after all." These are lyrics to a song that I learned in kindergarten and which left an indelible impression on me. My quest to explore this small world while simultaneously pursuing an education took me from (name of my country) to the United States of America for undergraduate studies at the most diverse university in the state of (name of US State). This experience opened my eyes to a whole new world filled with multicultural ideologies and cultural practices different to mine. My global awareness was further extended during my study abroad and work experience in (name of country) which also provided the life changing opportunity to volunteer in post-tsunami Thailand and participate in briefings with local and international aid agencies including the United Nations and Asia Development Bank. In hindsight, it was the sum total of those experiences which was the turning point in my desire to pursue a career in international relations.
At present I am Secretary to the Ambassador and Bilingual Translator at the (name of foreign embassy) in (my country), where I perform work which strengthens relations between both countries and also stay current with happenings in the field of International Relations. While I have gained substantial exposure to the inner workings of diplomatic relations, I need to acquire the formal knowledge and skills to advance from my current position to that of Foreign Service Officer (FSO) in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs post-study and to that of Ambassador of (name of my country) in the longer term. A global citizen with the aforementioned experiences, I hope to make meaningful contributions to class discourse. My undergraduate degree consisted of a major and a minor which I successfully completed while also being employed. Good organization and interpersonal skills, the fortitude to effectively complete a task from start to finish and the ability to think and work independently and with others within a deadline are qualities which will enable me to successfully complete this course.
Located in XYZ's Safest University City, I chose the University of Name because of the reputation of its School of Social Sciences. Since my bachelor's degree is in a different field, the foundational course Theories and Concepts in International Relations will serve to introduce me to the major theories and traditions in this field. The effective communication and problem-solving skills obtained via different teaching methods will serve me well as an FSO working to strengthen cooperation between my country and its friends. The module Qualitative Research Methods in Politics and International Relations will prepare me to apply knowledge and research skills in collecting and reporting on all the information that would affect the interests of the people of (my country). The ability to communicate effectively and to convey complex ideas simply is key skill needed by an FSO. The Model United Nations Society's simulation exercises are a good training ground to enhance my writing, public speaking, critical thinking, and argumentation skills, and supplement my understanding of current discourse in international affairs. This training will form an integral part of my post-study and long term career work as a diplomat in competently and confidently representing my country abroad.
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Nicole. I see that you have taken the lessons that you have learned from your Chevening application essays and applied to the writing of this one. That is why you have done a good job in developing your response to the essay prompts. I do not see any need to change anything nor edit any of the content because you have successfully provided all of the required information to the reviewer.
The essay highlights your competence as a future diplomat. Although, I would have liked to see a reference to your own personal ambition of becoming an ambassador when you mentioned the MUN. I believe that since that is the final objective of your career, you should have somehow inserted that as a highlight in this discussion. Then again that's just me. Even without that reference, the essay is strong and useful for its purpose. Good job !
Very detailed and bold, I liked how you integrate your personal achievements. However, (other than your first paragraph) the other two paragraphs lack flare. If it is a formal essay, then it is completely acceptable.