Hello!
Thank you in advance!
I'm the international student who is planning to apply to animation program for graduate school.
But since I'm really bad at writing essay, I would like to ask some grateful and honest feedback from everyone.
What I concern the most is if my essay is creative enough to satisfy the requirement that the university suggested.
I would also appreciate any feedback in terms of grammar, sentence structure and any other error in this Statement of purpose.
the sentence below is the requirement that the university suggested for SOP.
Thank you for your help.
Cinematic Arts Personal Statement
The Cinematic Arts personal statement should reflect the applicant's individuality and explain why he or she would like to study
Animation and Digital Arts at USC. The Animation Admission Committee will review this statement as a measure of the applicant's
creativity, intelligence, self-awareness, determination and vision. The statement should be a page and a half, and it should give the committee a sense of the applicant's long-term goals and artistic ambitions.
"Your story is awful. It does not make sense at all."
This was the reaction from my first audience who read my pencil-drawn comics on a notebook. Contrary to what I had expected, my friend mocked and complained about my comic's nonsense plot. Back then, I was a middle school student who enjoyed pouring her own imagination into a blank notebook as a comic. When I finally shared my pieces with my friend, her honest opinion literally shook my world and stimulated my competitive spirit. Since then, I have kept challenging her with my comics and polishing my stories until my audience is satisfied with them. Now, my friend and discriminating mentor has become my number-one reader and is always looking forward to my next comics.
Since I continued to hone my drawing and storytelling, I had a chance to work as a video editor for a club activity. I got the opportunity to pitch the story for the club's annual drama festival; it was about a group of people who start living together in the same house, called the "Together House," because they crave bonds with other people in their lonesome society. However, they end up ignoring each other because they are too accustomed to being selfish in society. At the end, they leave the "Together House" one by one, and become again in a vicious circle called "loneliness." Out of all of the ideas, my story was chosen as the main drama for the festival, which gave me confidence in my storytelling. Also, I made "Together House" into a short video as a video editor, and I recognized that video is an effective art form for telling a story to the audience. I immediately became attracted to creating video art.
My interest in both storytelling and video art has made me interested in learning about animation from professors. Therefore, I decided to apply to the animation program in the School of Visual Arts in New York, and I was accepted, through great fortune. While studying at the school, I have learned what storyboarding is, which is a big major part of the pre-production process. This process immediately grabbed my attention because of its similarity to the comic drawing that I have practiced for several years. Also, I learned that I could create much stronger stories by creating effective storyboards. It felt like I had finally found the area for me to pursue. Hence, I went back to being a middle school student and began to concentrate on storyboards.
During my years in the school, many classes, such as Life Drawing, Layout, and Animation Workshop class, fed my drawing skills to make them grow stronger. As having sufficient practical drawing and feedback time with classmates and professors, I obtained improved skills and plenty of inspiration. Thanks to these helpful classes, I was able to make the dean's list four times during my academic years. In addition to my training inside the classroom, I also learned about collaboration and communication with other students inside the department, by helping former thesis students with their animation and working as a teacher's assistant and production office assistant. I realized that I could obtain much more information by having discussions with people other than classmates than I could by staying inside the classroom; for example, I came to learn news about the real industry and useful workshops that I can take outside of school.
Even though it is time for me to graduate and to grab the ample opportunities outside of school, I still crave further improvement. I want to build more skills in interacting with classmates and professors, so that I can play a part in the animation industry as a capable storyboard artist. Moreover, beyond enhancing my traditional animation skills, I would also like the chance to broaden my knowledge of three-dimensional animation and visual effects, in order to obtain a thorough understanding of the animation field. That is why the John C. Hench Division of Animation and Digital Arts of the University of Southern California's School of Cinematic Arts is the best option for my graduate studies, since the school has ample resources for both two-dimensional and three-dimensional animation. Also, because the University of Southern California is renowned as the best film school in the United States, I would like an opportunity to study at this historic school, so that I could also learn integrated knowledge about film with other students from different departments of the School of Cinematic Arts. Furthermore, with my animation experience and passion for storytelling honed over time, I am sure that I could contribute to the fame of the University of Southern California's Cinematic Arts School in the future.
Hi Kyu Yeon Jung
I can not answer whether you have answered the prompt correctly or not but here are some of the suggestions from my side for grammar . Hope it helps. Good luck :)
I got the opportunity to pitch the story for the club's annual drama festival; it was about a group of people who start living together in the same house, called the "Together House," because they crave bonds with other people in their lonesome societyin order to overcome the loneliness by making new bonds with each other . However, they end up ignoring each other because they are too accustomed to being selfish in society. At the end, they leave the "Together House" one by one, and become againbecome a part of thein a vicious circle called "loneliness."....
....Also, I learned that I could create muchmore persuasivestronger stories by creating effective storyboards....
...As havingDue to sufficienttime for practical drawing and feedback time withfrom classmates and professorson my work , I obtained improvedgot inspiration and was able to improve my skills plenty of inspiration.Thanks to these helpful classes, I was ablethat further helped me to to make the dean's list four times during my academic years....
Kyu, that's exactly what I mean by writing a paragraph about your academic background.
Remember, as much as the purpose of this essay is to learn more about you, your dreams, aspirations and professional goals,
it is also very critical that you add some information about your academic achievements, this will boost your credentials and
gives the admission panel the confirmation that you are not into animation because you like it or because it's your outlet to unleash
frustration but because animation is where your dedication lies and where you see yourself succeeding as a professional.
Kyu, a paragraph dedicated to this information will definitely help your SOP.
Animation is not an easy field to discover and this SOP is the start of your journey so give it a bang and make your art known to this industry.
I hope you find my insights helpful and let us know when you do the revision so we
can assist you further.
