Success only happens when you've moved up from your starting point; CASPA

I'm looking for any input, grammatical correction, or opinion on the feel of this essay. It's very rough, and I know it needs work, but it's very difficult to work within this character limit, I feel like I have so much to say and so little room. As many comments as possible would be great, I know that I'm not an author and I'm open to suggestions. Also, it's the general essay that I submit to CASPA, so that's why it isn't school specific. Here is the prompt: Narrative Topic

In the space provided write a brief statement expressing your motivation or desire to become a physician assistant. Keep your statement general as the same essay will be sent to all schools you will apply to. Even if you only plan to apply to one program, do NOT make your essays school specific as you may decide to apply to additional programs at a later date, and once you submit your application your essay can NOT be edited or changed. Maximum Length: 5,000 Characters

Crash and burn, collapse, letdown, whatever you call it, it's failure. Success only happens when you've moved up from your starting point.

The fact was that I had been throwing my life away during my youth. I was walking, no, running toward an early deathbed. I was starving, and sick, and too deep in my own emotional turmoil to understand that my life wasn't over, it was just beginning. Idiot. How could I, the gifted honors student who was accepted into a competitive magnet program, drop out of high school and follow in my mother's path? Not to go unmentioned, she was the main reason my life was disappointing to begin with. The best answer I can give is because I was disheartened. I know one thing for sure though, I would have been a plot in the ground or a cell number in the Orange County Jail system if I hadn't had that epiphany. What led up to it? Well, I overdosed only to then be saved by a doctor. He said I reminded him of his daughter with a facial expression sadder than I'd ever see. I don't know what happened to that doctor's daughter but I know that I didn't want that expression on any of my family or friend's faces. I was baker acted later that week. After I sobered up and did my time in Lakeside Alternatives, I went home and followed the doctor's orders. I tried to relax, listened to music, read some books, and caught up with my better friends. Most importantly, I tried to see with clarity what it was that I wanted in life. I knew that I didn't want what it had become.

That's when I took my life by the horns and reared forward. I re-enrolled in high school and I graduated from a self-paced private high school program in under a year while I was still sixteen. Then I worked various jobs to get a feel for what I wanted to do. I took an employment test, and the results said I would be great in the sciences. I landed up in Health insurance and worked for a year administering health and dental insurance to over 100 companies. I realized I wanted to be on the hands on side of healthcare. I enrolled in Valencia College with intentions of completing a nursing program. However, after some research I realized I wanted to go even further. I hit a bump in my education when I transferred to UCF because my mother was arrested again after stealing money from my house leading to some serious financial hardship for my grandmother and I. So I had to work very hard those first two semesters to supplement the household.

Ultimately, I joined a club called International Medical Outreach at UCF to stay on the positive track, and it opened my eyes to opportunities in medicine. I loved every second of the medical outreach trips I went on with the club and every chance I had to help those in Haiti. I later went on to become treasurer for the club and I helped lead another group to Haiti that year. I also assisted in planning our trips to Ecuador and Peru where we provided medical outreach with funds we raised. I want to continue medical outreach for the rest of my life because of this club and I would love to also try my hand at some local outreach opportunities.

Between my club and job I thought I wanted to go to medical school I learned otherwise. At Florida Hospital I worked directly with physicians and physician assistants as a scribe and experienced many new aspects of medicine. They were a very educational staff who made medicine seem like a puzzle that you couldn't wait to solve. So I learned that I found it more interesting and fulfilling than I had the nursing field. However, one day one our patients died and I saw a new aspect of the Emergency room. I saw how the doctors went home with heavy shoulders more often than naught. I learned that they tried very hard to save every critical patient but they couldn't always succeed. Then I compared my realizations to when I worked with the Physician Assistants of the Emergency Department where I saw a perfect harmony of healing and happiness. They had the fulfillment of helping a patient and enjoying the rush of diagnosis, while seeing the less critical patients. These were just my observations from two different hospitals, but I felt an an undeniable sense of balance in the field of Physician Assisting. They were the ones who had more patients walk out than get admitted, they were the ones who were able to suture more and provide more immediate resolutions. I understand that, and I want that. One day one of the doctors I was working with turned to me and said, "you have all of the makings to be an excellent doctor", and I responded "maybe, but I would prefer to be a Physician Assistant". Despite my experiences while growing up I was able to triumph and grow. I know that it's not an easy road to becoming a physician assistant and I recognize that I still have so much to learn, but I know one thing, and that is Physician Assisting is my calling. I know that I can continue to climb the ladder of success because I have climbed the ladder out of failure.

Crash and burn, collapse, letdown.Whatever you call it, it's failure. Success only happens when you have moved up from your starting point. [I'm confused about what this has to do with you wanting to be a Physician Assistant.]

[While the first sentence of the following paragraph really captures my attention, I found myself wanting a little more background. Who did you live with? What was your home life like? Why were you able to "throw your life away"?]

Thank you for all of the feedback, I especially appreciate the grammatical corrections because I know that's where I struggle the most. To answer a few of your points, I have had to clarify what happened when I was younger because it is in my school records that I dropped out of Boone High school. A little bit of inference comes into play here with regard to my age and stage in life. I say I finished the private high school program at 16, so it's inferred that all of that took place while I was still younger than that. I did live with my grandmother at the time who was already in her early 80's, and my mother was incarcerated which is why she got custody, so I'll add that somehow, the reason I chose to include some of my back story is because I have had to recount this whole story multiple times in the past even when I entered Valencia, and again when I entered UCF, even at jobs because people just simply wonder what happened and how I graduated in 2005 when my graduation year was 2008. Then people also wonder what I did during that time period because if you just look at transcripts you see a gap from 2005 to when I started college in 2009. I did get that job after a couple other in between jobs so I'll specify that, and I'll also specify that I was 18 when I started working there. Another thing I'll have to figure out how to clarify without sounding blunt is the fact that I left that job and hated that job with its great pay and all of it's amazing benefits because of how many people I disappointed in one day. I literally had to tell at least ten people that their problems weren't covered. As for why I like the field of Physician assisting I can definitely expand and initially I wanted to, that was the only part that I let a couple of my co-workers read though, and they immediately understood what I was trying to say simply by that second last paragraph. So I'm not sure, but most of the admissions committees at these schools are made up of PAs and they said I'd rather not waste my space telling them what every other student drawls over. Like I said, I just don't have enough room to say everything I want. (Also, I was told it is referred to as the Emergency Department professionally my very first day working there, an Emergency Room is one room within the ED, so I guess it nags at them.) Lastly, thank you so much, this is a difficult essay for me to write because I want to stay true to my thoughts and true to the school. I don't just want to write what they want to hear, in fact, I want them wanting to hear more, and wanting to know more about me because I think I'll stand a better chance at an interview where they can ask me those questions. If you disagree, please tell me why, I'll be happy to consider any opinions because I know there's a big chance that I'm wrong. But let me ask you this, over some of the PA essays I've seen on here, who would you rather reach out to to ask questions? If you say the more professional/classic ones, then I'll remove the entire first two paragraphs and work it in a more typical fashion. However, if you even were slightly more interested in me than some of the others you've read, please let me know, because that's what I want to show them. I want to show them that there is more to me than a piece of paper and they need to meet me to find out.

Actually, you have far more room than you think you do because lots (if not most) of this stuff has little or nothing to do with the writing task.

With regard to grammar, don't worry about it until you've actually answered the question.

At that point, I'd be glad to repair any errors. (Why doesn't this board have a private message feature?)

Start by LISTING three to five BIG reasons why you'd like to become a physician's assistant. (What intrigues you about this career? Why is it suited to YOU specifically?)

You definitely made many good points and clarified many things for me, so thanks!

I guess there's no other space for you to explain supplementary information about you or to explain something about your academic background? The first paragraphs definitely give a clearer picture of you as a person, as someone who will work hard and is willing to overcome adversity, but they take up so much of the space you need to actually answer the question.

Also, I think it would be really good if you were blunt about how much you hated the job and why you hated it. That really says a lot about you too. Maybe you could even tie it back to how you knew what it was like to feel disheartened, like you had nowhere to turn, and so you don't want to make others feel that way. Then I wouldn't feel like, "Wow, this person has a really interesting back-story" but then end up confused about why you chose to include that information.

My bad on the Emergency Room / Department thing; I know nothing about hospitals or medical terminology, so I concede to your expertise :P

Finally, I still think you should expand on what you like about medicine, what kinds of people you want to work with or if you want to specialize in a field, what skills you have that would help you be successful in this career, etc. You can write what they want to hear in a way that still helps them know more about you. I get that you want to stand out, and you do, but you have to stand out and answer the question. I would reach out to an interesting and unique candidate for sure, but I'd choose one who can present this in a professional way.

Base your personal statement on questions like...
Why have you chosen this career? (2nd continued to the last paragraph, I wanted to express that it was a gradual process)
What is motivating you to believe that this is the right career path for you? (3rd paragraph and last paragraph)
What did you learn while you were working in the medical field as you observed other physician assistants? (last paragraph)
What can you contribute to the medical community? (last paragraph)

jkjeremy, thank you for your feedback, I'll rework the text to be more inclusive of the topic. But as you can see the questions above are what I based my paper off of, the only thing I did was focus more on the personal reasons why I came to Physician Assisting. I will definitely shorten/remove the first paragraph and expand on the last, possibly adding a whole extra one about the specifics of what I found attractive about PA's work in the hospital.

Again, I can remove the first paragraph, but as previously stated, there was a reason why I put that background information in there. (That's because I was recommended to do so.) Aside from the fact that they immediately question the gap between high school and college, I wanted them to have a sense of me, and how I've become the person I have because to me, that path was a major part of the reason I found myself wanting to become a successful member of society. The last statement of being able to handle the curriculum and career would be invalid because what built me up to be a strong enough candidate was my effort to get back on the wagon. I don't think just watching them do their job would make me a good candidate, rather, it's my case, it's my personal drive.

Do you think that there is a better way to get my point across?

btw, the main reasons I prefer Physician Assisting compared to any profession is 1) I like that the patients they see are less critical in nature, ie less stressful/depressing 2) I like that they have a more immediate impact on the patient's illness because those patients are less critical, in turn allowing for easier treatment. Having a more immediate impact on somebody's life is more gratifying to me 3) I can appreciate the art and investigation that is diagnosis 4) I also love the idea that as a PA I can still participate in outreach, I'd especially love to help the homeless healthcare situation we have in Central Florida

So I will directly mention those ideas if they aren't being taken away from what's already written. Which seems to be the case. Like I said, I'm not a writer, so while I thought I had answered the prompt, apparently I've left things out.

Thank you so much, Digeridoo. I'm working on this tonight and tomorrow, and I'll hopefully repost no later than Monday night. At that point I hope I can get it much more concise while still staying true to myself. You made an excellent point about presenting the essay professionally and answering the question with more clarified details. I'm going to sit down, and try to be more descriptive overall and weed out some of the unnecessary information at the same time. I hope that I might hear from you again when I repost. :D You've been a great guide.

Saying that it was a "gradual process" is not the same as WHY.


If I can't find specific words and phrases, then you don't have control over the question.


I want you to succeed on this. In order to do so, you need to not only be "more inclusive of the topic." You need to include nothing BUT information pertaining to the topic.


Someone undoubtedly meant well, but he or she made an incorrect recommendation. Everyone thinks he knows
how to write. The truth is that VERY few really have the expertise necessary to help. Generally, it's unwise to accept writing advice from peers!


The words "successful" and "society" are extraordinarily vague. Everyone in every profession wants to be a "successful member of society." I want to know what's going to make you an effectiveassistant to a physician in a hospital---not in a car, not on a football field, not in "society."

1. Don't use this one. It implies that you're looking for an easy job.

2. There are at least two different reasons here. Separate them.

3. This one is strong.

4. Fine.