Good day everyone, hope you all healthy.
I have a favor to ask, please give any feedback on my draft Personal Statement for GKS 2021
. Thank you!
1st question, is it too much for an introduction paragraph?
A sense of familiarity with Korea first came through the Hallyu wave when I was 12. Ever since then, every aspect of Korean culture, including music, food, and fashion has been a healer from life's hardship. During high school, there was an exchange teacher from Korea and I immediately fall for the charm of Korean people and custom. In college, I met many exchange and master students from South Korea. In fact, many Korean influencers speak Bahasa Indonesia smoothly due to their study here. I see it as a sign of good relationship between both countries and tolerance toward each other's culture. When I heard of GKS Graduate program, it answers my longtime dream of experiencing a global study environment. Realizing my family's financial background, my education will be very limited without a scholarship.
I develop an interest of supply chain from watching my Father worked in a warehousing and logistic company. I was more amazed when knowing supply chain is beyond just stacking boxes from and on to the trucks. From product and demand planning, procurement, manufacturing, distribution, storage, to sales are part of the complex supply chain system. Studying Industrial Engineering at Universitas Indonesia result in deeper understanding and interest of supply chain. But more importantly, it has significant role in developing how I view and handle a problem. I was exercised to always see a problem from many different points of view. This skill has helped me strive in my workplace.
When I first entered my job, I was given several responsibilities including fulfilling the required material data system from our suppliers. The problems are that some tasks were months past their original due date and there was very limited knowledge transfer. Meanwhile, as a new employee, I must request, inspect, and coordinate supplier's data to fit company's engineering standards and comply with hazardous substance prohibition. Based on helicopter view learned from college, I took the initiative to discuss with related stakeholders to find the core problem. I propose a fixed procedure in data fulfillment that affects supplier's score if they are not cooperative. I gathered existing data to find their original manufacturer. Hence, I changed the culture from only sending suppliers email to communicating proactively with the material maker. This indirectly demeans non-cooperative suppliers and opens possibility for cost reduction by cutting the supply chain network. As a result, I closed the requested data and keep the progress back on track with the schedule. With that, I increase team efficiency and reduce number of human resources allocated for material data system.
Working in the Procurement Department of an automotive manufacturing company offered me to connect and work with many overseas suppliers including Korea. As part of the Green Procurement team, I came across an interesting question that made me eager to pursue education in South Korea. I find that despite being a global concern, green procurement and sustainability is not a priority in Indonesia. Often, implementation is considered trivial as it does not directly affect company profit. Hence, I began to question how overseas companies see the issue and set a comprehensive policy for its implementation. I learn that Korea is in the top three nations with most innovative universities in Asia Pacific, therefore, consistently adopts Change Management to solve complexity during the transition process in organizations. Taking the Graduate program would provide complete theoretical and practical understanding to create thorough green procurement policy in my company. Once established, our hundreds of suppliers will have to apply the same standards. In the long run, the whole process would change the view on environmental issue not only for my company, but Indonesian manufacture in general.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Though your introduction to Korea is an interesting aspect of this presentation, it does not reflect a direct connection between your academic and professional interests in relation to your interests in studying your masters course in Korea. The motivating factor has to be inspired by the accomplishments of Korea in the supply chain field and your desire to emulate certain specific factors in Indonesia. Though referred to in this essay, it is too simplistic and general in reference. These information should be more specific than the irrelevant and Hallyu reference at the start. Such common reference points as a motivation are common and unimpressive. You need to show your mature mindset by referring to Korea on an academic and professional basis.
