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In support of NACE and Keep Memory Alive - Tell us about a time you had to persevere?

joanna0508 1 / -  
Nov 1, 2020   #1
Essay 1 (250 words): Align students often cite the critical importance of perseverance - the capacity to keep iterating and working on a problem.

Tell us about a time you had to persevere? How has that shaped your career trajectory?

In the last event project during the summer semester, we created a charity event to support NACE and Keep Memory Alive. I was the team leader of the action team to communicate with stores and companies for sponsorship. Our goal was to collect at least $3,500 worth of action items. First, we researched and mapped out all the possible companies and stores to ask for a donation; then, we chose an area for each team member to go to one by one. Some of the sponsors were generous to help with action items. However, most of those companies and stores will only take the event information, so I need to plan a second visit to find out the final result. When the event was approaching, our team was still not meeting the goal we had set. Then we realize that since we are in the hospitality industry, we can take advantage of the connection we have to help with the event. After all those store visits and connection utilization, we ended up raising more money than we intended. As a team leader, I had obtained more than $1,500 in donations valued and invited the Buca restaurant to become the food donator for the event. These experiences helped shaped my career in three different ways: research before action and always have a plan that can be follow-through. Do not give up when receiving a rejection; there will always be more opportunities. Know how to utilize all connections and start building a more substantial connection with people in the industry.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,364 3368  
Nov 2, 2020   #2
The itself is over the 250 word count by 8 words. So there is a word count problem in the presentation. The word count should be adjusted to the correct number once you edit, revise, or write a new essay. It all depends upon how you want to approach the response after your read my review.

The use of the first person group pronoun "we" is also a problem in this essay. There needs to be more "I" in the presentation since the question refers to a time when you, not your group, had to persevere. So while the story used is good, the reference point is a problem. Maybe there is a more personal story that you can share so that the reviewer can see how YOU persevere in the face of adversity instead of having a whole group to back you up.

The career trajectory reference needs to reinforce the idea that you have found your career path, your calling, your vocation. This is not about how you can prepare for events, rather, this should be a discussion of an event that forced you to persevere in relation to your chosen career path.

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