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'Surrounded by an erudite group of people' Masters in Chemical / Automation Control Engineering; SOP


Navaneeth047 1 / -  
Sep 27, 2015   #1
Hi,

I am planning to apply for Masters in Chemical or Automation and control Engineering.
Can anyone please help with the changes required for Statement of Purpose which I have posted here.

"When I was very young I was surrounded by an erudite group of people. Some of my friends and me had a great attraction towards children's science magazines. We tried to do all possible models / concepts (Density experiments / Kaleidoscope / Archemidies principle, etc) available them. These concepts and principles sparked my interest towards science. My interests on science peaked when we produced a new detergent powder for washing clothes. We gave the samples of the detergent powder to our neighbourhood and many of them gave a positive feedback on the product. By the end of my high school I developed special interest in chemistry. However I knew that all the bookish knowledge was not enough and practical consequences were the sole criteria for knowledge and value of science. I chose to study Chemical Engineering, as it combined my academic proclivities with their direct application to more tangible problems.

The Chemical Engineering course at my undergraduate institution introduced me to a wide range of subjects that revealed to me a dynamic field which integrates tools from various disciplines to touch every facet of modern life. Its broad domain encouraged me to explore various complex and interdisciplinary courses. Since my interests continuously evolved to explore various aspects of Chemical Engineering with every new subject, I worked hard to excel at every course and gain sufficient lab experience. It was during my third year of studies where I was able to apply my bookish knowledge to a practical and real world scenario. With proper guidance from my professors I was able to design a prototype model of a mobile water purifier "MOBI EIXIR FILT" which has been designed to overcome drinking water problems for travellers. The concept was presented over a number of institutions and it was awarded as the best paper.

During an industrial visit to a leather industry in my final year of undergraduate study, I was able to gain sufficient knowledge on all the processes. What really piqued my interest in the industry was the effluent treatment process. I was taken aback by the amount of money, material and technology that went into treating the waste streams of the plant. When I further studied on the properties of the effluents released from these Industries I was able to notice the presence of Heavy metals like Chromium in the effluents. As these heavy metals are highly toxic and carcinogenic in nature they can have adverse effects on life forms when consumed even in trace amounts. I felt the need for a process in place to be developed for effectively treating the effluents free from heavy metals. I took up my final year project on the same concept under the topic "COLUMN STUDIES FOR CHROMIUM REMOVAL FROM AQUEOUS WASTE WATER USING CHITOSAN AS BIOSORBENT". Studies were conducted to test the efficiency of using chitosan as an adsorbent under Batch / Multi-stage & Recycle processes. Tests were also helpful in determining the optimal bed length for the use of the biosorbent. The project was funded by Indian Government Ministry & Department of Science and Technology [project ref No. ____].

I am also interested in Fluid Mechanics, Transport Phenomena & Process control. The eagerness to see the application of these topics in real scenario helped me to excel my knowledge in them and I was able to secure a job in EMERSON PROCESS MANAGEMENT - FISHER CONTROLS as an Application Engineer for sizing and selection of Control valves. Working at Emerson gave me a great exposure on the application of concepts which I studied in a real world scenario. Fisher helped me to know more about process industries, especially Oil & Gas, refineries & petrochemical industries. And I understood the type of controls like pressure, flow, level control, etc used at different levels across various units of these industries. Further I was able to grasp the knowledge on pneumatic and Digital instruments and their application in control system. From about 4 years of Industrial working experience I also learnt that patience and team work are some minutiae that I have inculcated over time.

Under the tutelage of my professors, I have been influenced to believe that any research done in the field of science and technology should be for the betterment of life and for solving intricate problems, which more often than not, entails an interdisciplinary approach and a broad perspective that can be gained only by having sufficient knowledge in dealing with varying facets in the field. It is therefore important for me to take up graduate studies, which will help me to delve into the complexities of Chemical Engineering. Moreover, it will be a stepping stone for my career advancement. As an undergraduate, it is daunting to commit to a specialized area before having extensive knowledge about it, and I believe the graduate program at ___________ University will give me the requisite knowledge and maturity for advancing into the intellectually rewarding field of research and technological enhancement. In a broader perspective, I wish to work for the research and development of technologies that addresses the salient issues of process industries: environmental constraints and energy efficiency, thus contributing to their overall advancement while paying attention to sustainability.

After carefully perusing the university website, I chose the Departments of Chemical Engineering and Automation & Control Engineering mainly because they have distinguished faculty and research facilities, coupled with an ambience that will develop an interdisciplinary approach in me and help me to attain my career goals. I have already discussed my field of interest here but as education have no limits and boundaries I will be pleased to give my extensive support and commitment on any research topics in Chemical Engineering / Automation & Control Engineering on which I am passionate about. I believe that my background skills and credentials are found apt for a Master's degree. After careful consideration of my academics and research interests, I wish to pursue graduate studies in your Esteemed University."

Thanks & Regards,
Navaneeth
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Sep 28, 2015   #2
Hey Naveneeth! Guess what, your paper does not need the reference to your childhood interest in chemicals development. While depicting your childhood interest in chemical reactions would have sounded great on a college application, it is not really something that will help your masters degree application because you were talking about a time in your life when you were not really truly interested in chemicals except for the fun you got out of the comic book experiments. I'd advise you to skip that part. Don't be angry or sad though. There is a good reason why I want you to skip that part. Your essay actually has a better paragraph in it than that one to serve as its opening statement. My advice? Use the following to open the discussion:

Under the tutelage of my professors, I have been influenced to believe that any research done in the field of science and technology should be for the betterment of life and for solving intricate problems, which more often than not, entails an interdisciplinary approach and a broad perspective that can be gained only by having sufficient knowledge in dealing with varying facets in the field...

That paragraph totally implies your reasons for pursuing advanced studies, covers your future career plans, and tells the reviewer all about why you are interested in their university. You hit most of the required topics immediately and any reviewer is sure to remember that information. It will give him reasons to continue reading your statement of purpose to the end.

Then you can make the following your second paragraph:

I took up my final year project on the same concept under the topic "COLUMN STUDIES FOR CHROMIUM REMOVAL FROM AQUEOUS WASTE WATER USING CHITOSAN AS BIOSORBENT". Studies were conducted to test the efficiency of using chitosan as an adsorbent under Batch / Multi-stage & Recycle processes. Tests were also helpful in determining the optimal bed length for the use of the biosorbent. The project was funded by Indian Government Ministry & Department of Science and Technology [project ref No. ____].

This paragraph lets us know that you have tremendous potential as a future chemical/automation control engineer. Your accomplishments may be academic in nature, but it is enough for the Indian government to take notice of. Another excellent addition to your essay. It would further help this paragraph if you complete the discussion by letting us know the outcome of the research. Awards and honors, specifically from the government really help to make a strong impact on the reviewers.

The rest of the essay is alright and is usable. I hope my advice was able to help you further tweak your essay :-)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Oct 2, 2015   #3
@Navaneeth, before I go and help you with the remarks in your essay, I'd like to let you know that though your background is important in building your statement of purpose, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to elaborately write your childhood experience. Now we go to the main purpose of your essay.

Start your essay with;

I have always been interested in engineering and to decide which field should I pursue is a challenge I am ready to tackle. ( then follow thru)

- I am alsoI focus my interested in Fluid Mechanics,
- ...helped me to excelexpand my knowledge..
- ...in themthe field and I...
- Furthermore, I was able to...
- FromFor about 4 years,,,,

- ...the tutelageguidance ( I understand that you want to impress the admission officer but using words that will need the reader to look up the dictionary will most likely cost you harm than good ) of my professors,

- After carefully perusing the university websitea careful research ,
- ...with an ambienceenvironment that will...

The remarks I made is also written in the corrections above, there is much more areas to improve, I understand that writing a statement let alone an essay is not your expertise and it's good to seek guidance here on EF, what I would suggest for you to do is to write more and read a lot as this will help out in your writing pieces.


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