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Tanzania has changed me into a new person - MPH Statement of Purpose from International Student


Tuffies 1 / 1  
Jul 24, 2015   #1
Hi,

i am applying for an MPH and need some help with my essay, not finished yet but feeling likr it is missing it's ..special something!

thank you so much in advance :)

It was late evening at Ngare Nanyuki High School, a small boarding school isolated from urban infrastructure, located in rural Northern Tanzania, where me and five other German students were studying for four weeks in the summer of 2008. A power generator was buzzing afar, a sole source of electricity to provide the school's classrooms with light in order for the students to study even after sunset. I was sitting outside one of these rooms with a newfound friend, a young girl only a few years older than myself, when she suddenly started to sob uncontrollably. As her tears subsided and she started to speak, her voice trembled with fear. I began to fathom the magnitude of her words when she told me that she recently had unprotected sex with another student and was now afraid of a possible pregnancy or infection with HIV. In an intent to comfort her, I leaned in for a hug, but my friend quickly jerked away. Although aware of the disease, she did not know that it cannot be transmitted through skin-on-skin contact.

My friend's sexual activity and possible pregnancy defied the strict Tanzanian principles which the High School obeyed. Due to the implicit understanding that premarital sex is a taboo, there is little possibility to openly discuss sexual issues. Hence, the school unfortunately failed to be a source of support and education on reproductive health issues during its adolescent students time of sexual development and curiosity. Unlike my Tanzanian peers, I was provided with thorough sexual education throughout Middle School and grew up in a society where easy access to contraceptives and testing for sexually transmitted diseases is the status quo. I myself had taken all this for granted and my own ignorance and privileges overwhelmed me with feelings of guilt and embarrassment. In agreement with the Tanzanian students, our group took on the role of a neutral entity and reached out to the school's faculty to initiate a discussion about possible sexual education classes that would be culturally sensitive but also successfully target the students' reproductive health needs.

When I boarded the plane headed towards Tanzania, my adolescent self had no prescience that I would return a changed person determined to dedicate my academic and professional life to become a problem solver and serve other communities and its individuals in need. As a Social and Cultural Anthropology major, I was able to satisfy my persistent interest in different ethnicities while my coursework has equipped me with an extensive open-mindedness of people's backgrounds, cultures and their traditions. As a volunteer for the charity supporting the Tanzanian Highschool, I was able to experience that this acceptance combined with a cooperative mindset which favors the involvement of the affected people over a unilateral, detached planning and implementation process is a powerful tool and crucial for the lasting success of a behavioral and health promotion program. This trait was also a successful asset to my work as a Disaster Services Intern with the American Red Cross in Pittsburgh where I was introduced to the field of public mental health and its immediate and long-term effects in the face of distressing and potentially traumatizing events. The daily, in-depth interaction with Disaster victims required me to frequently perform needs assessments and to propose individualized recovery plans which did not only successfully target the urgent, disaster-caused needs but also ensure continuity and provide sufficient, long-lasting social and emotional resources and support.

I further explored the facets of Public Health in the winter term of my sophomore year during Professor Dr.xyz 'The Anthropology of Reproduction' class which provided me with comprehensive content knowledge on the American obstetric system and its medicalization of childbirth. Hereby, the dichotomy between evidence-based-research and prevalent forms of practice, especially the increasing numbers of Cesarean Sections and its causes and effects, sparked my interest and quickly turned into a passion for the field of Maternal and Child Health. Consequently, for my Bachelor's thesis, I chose to explore the effect continuous labor support in the form of a Doula can have on the birthing result of a woman who pursues a vaginal birth after a Cesarean Section (VBAC). I conducted qualitative interviews with numerous Doulas who serve the xxx area and provided their former clients with an online survey consisting of qualitative and quantitative questions. This combination allowed me to gather profound data which showed that the prenatal, postpartum as well as continuous intrapartum support provided by Doulas can be associated with the positive and successful outcome of the trial of labor after a previous surgical delivery. However, I found the stigmatization of mothers who feel unsatisfied, distressed or even traumatized by a previous birthing experience especially striking. The positive impact a Doula can hereby have on the mental well-being of an expectant mother is undeniable and highlights the often overlooked social, emotional and environmental facets of childbirth. I am driven to further explore these determinants to identify protective factors against poor birth outcomes including maternal trauma and depression as well as infant morbidity and mortality. Both Dr. xxx and Dr. yyy research addressing maternal and child health, and especially the high infant mortality rate in Allegheny County as a multi-pronged challenge is very appealing to me and I am confident that I could successfully contribute to their work.
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jul 24, 2015   #2
I can help assist you with your SOP. I will focus on meaning and try to help you pinpoint what is missing in your essay. First, the last two paragraphs gives the reader more information regarding what you have accomplished more recently. This is good to include in you SOP.

However, the first two paragraphs relate to details that are in your past. I think it is a good idea to briefly express what made you interested in public health in the first paragraph of the essay. The first three sentences in the third paragraph help me to see where your journey to devote your time to public health issues began.

Another good detail to include in your SOP is to have a paragraph explaining why you have chosen that university. Also, discuss how attending the university in which you have applied will help you achieve your career goals. This can be discussed in the last paragraph of your essay.

I know you were trying to have a good opening paragraph. You were writing very clearly, but from my research I have noticed that the SOP has three main factors:

1) Good opening paragraph
2) Your achievements and any significant details that show you are prepared to further your studies
3) A conclusion that includes how the university can help you in your future plans or career goals
ChristineB - / 108 55  
Jul 25, 2015   #3
Hi, I will help with grammar and punctuation in a few parts of your statement:

_______________________________________

It was late evening at Ngare Nanyuki High School, a small boarding school isolated from urban infrastructure, located in rural Northern Tanzania, where me and five other German students were studying for four weeks in the summer of 2008.

This is a run-on sentence and needs to be broke up. Here's a way to do it:

It was late evening at Ngare Nanyuki High School, a small boarding school isolated from urban infrastructure, located in rural Northern Tanzania.,where me and five otherFive German students and I had beenwere studying for four weeks in thethat summer of 2008 .

__________________________________________

A power generator was buzzing afar, a sole source of electricity to provide the school's classrooms with light in order for the students to study even after sunset.

A power generator was buzzing afar, athe sole source of electricity to providefor the school's classrooms; without it, there would be nowith light in order for the students to study even after sunset, making studying at that time impossible .

________________________________________

I was sitting outside one of these rooms with a newfound friend, a young girl only a few years older than myself, when she suddenly started to sob uncontrollably.

I was sitting outside one of these rooms with a newfound friend, a young girl only a few years older than myselfme , when she suddenly started to sob uncontrollably.

_________________________________________

I began to fathom the magnitude of her words when she told me that she recently had unprotected sex with another student and was now afraid of a possible pregnancy or infection with HIV.

You do not need to describe how her words struck you as being important - the reader is smart enough to figure this out himself. I'm going to take that part out entirely:

I began to fathom the magnitude of her words when sheShe told me that she recently had unprotected sex with another student and was now afraid of a possible pregnancy or infection with HIV.

______________________________________

In an intent to comfort her, I leaned in for a hug, but my friend quickly jerked away.

In anWith the intent to comfort her, I leaned in for a hug, but my friend quickly jerked away.

________________________________________

Although aware of the disease, she did not know that it cannot be transmitted through skin-on-skin contact.

Let's reword this to make it "sound" better:

My friend's knowledge of HIV was rudimentary; she did not know that it cannot be transmitted through a simple hug.

__________________________

I hope that helps you a little :)
OP Tuffies 1 / 1  
Jul 27, 2015   #4
Thank you so far for the feedback! It really has helped a lot! Do you think content-wise, considering the suggested changes, it is a good SOP?


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