Hi, I will help with grammar and punctuation in a few parts of your statement:_______________________________________
It was late evening at Ngare Nanyuki High School, a small boarding school isolated from urban infrastructure, located in rural Northern Tanzania, where me and five other German students were studying for four weeks in the summer of 2008.
This is a run-on sentence and needs to be broke up. Here's a way to do it:It was late evening at Ngare Nanyuki High School, a small boarding school
isolated from urban infrastructure, located in rural Northern Tanzania
.,where me and five otherFive German students
and I had beenwere studying for four weeks
in thethat summer
of 2008 .
__________________________________________
A power generator was buzzing afar, a sole source of electricity to provide the school's classrooms with light in order for the students to study even after sunset.
A power generator was buzzing afar,
athe sole source of electricity
to providefor the school's classrooms
; without it, there would be nowith light
in order for the students to study even after sunset
, making studying at that time impossible .
________________________________________
I was sitting outside one of these rooms with a newfound friend, a young girl only a few years older than myself, when she suddenly started to sob uncontrollably.
I was sitting outside one of these rooms with a newfound friend, a young girl only a few years older than
myselfme , when she suddenly started to sob uncontrollably.
_________________________________________
I began to fathom the magnitude of her words when she told me that she recently had unprotected sex with another student and was now afraid of a possible pregnancy or infection with HIV.
You do not need to describe how her words struck you as being important - the reader is smart enough to figure this out himself. I'm going to take that part out entirely:I began to fathom the magnitude of her words when sheShe told me that she recently had unprotected sex with another student and was now afraid of a possible pregnancy or infection with HIV.
______________________________________
In an intent to comfort her, I leaned in for a hug, but my friend quickly jerked away.
In anWith the intent to comfort her, I leaned in for a hug, but my friend quickly jerked away.
________________________________________
Although aware of the disease, she did not know that it cannot be transmitted through skin-on-skin contact.
Let's reword this to make it "sound" better:My friend's knowledge of HIV was rudimentary; she did not know that it cannot be transmitted through a simple hug.__________________________
I hope that helps you a little :)