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the "technician" - Criticism for my statement of academic objectives.


mercea 1 / 1  
May 13, 2009   #1
I am applying to the dept of computer science, oregon state university. Please read and criticize accordingly. I am an international student.

AGBAJI RUTH O.T.
MY PERSONAL STATEMENT
Having been the "technician" of my home and having a natural affinity for computer mechanics, mathematics, physics and all things technical since I was a child, I decided to study Computer Engineering at the undergraduate level. But due to a lack of that option at the university of my choice, I enrolled in the university to study Electrical Engineering instead. At the university, I excelled in all the computer related courses I offered. During my Industrial Training at the 4th year of college, I worked in a software developing organization because I had grown to love the idea of software development. Though it was a Herculean task getting a placement and it involved me staying far away from home, I was determined at all costs to make it because I knew that being attached to that company would expose me greatly to the inner workings of software development and Information Technology as a whole. Though, I was attached to the section in charge of system maintenance because my major was electrical engineering, I did not let that stop me as I made friends with the software developers and used any spare time I had to learn all there was to know and obtain software necessary for my learning process.

I chose my undergraduate research area "Modeling a basic framework for e-assessment in Ahmadu Bello University", knowing fully well that I had a lot of learning to do. I set out immediately to learn the necessary technologies. Through e-books, online tutorials and forums, I began to grasp the concepts of modern programming and developed my application using HTML, ASP.NET, ADO.NET, C# and SQL and Visual Web Developer as the Integrated Development Environment. Unfortunately, I didn't receive much help from my department but being very determined to reach my goal; I searched for help online and received supervisory assistance from an Indian, Mr. Sauraubh Nandu, who has an outstanding record in software development. Through emails, he supervised my work and gave me a "thumbs-up" at the end of the project for my determination, effort and skill acquired with little resources. At the end of the research period, I was able to develop a web application designed to run on an intranet that provides functionalities among others, for the Examiner to manipulate his questions and results and for the student to take a test and receive an automated feedback score. After my oral defense, it was proposed that my project be adopted as a framework for e-assessment in my department and currently some 4th year students have been assigned to study more, build on it and improve on it so that by 2009, it can be fully functional in the department as a means of conducting continuous assessments.

Working on my final year project and my job experience at the software organization helped to fashion out my goals for graduate school and beyond. It helped me to realize that with more knowledge acquisition and exposure, there is so much more I can do. Also, it gave me a drive and dared me to go deeper into Computer Science. So, I hope to involve myself in creating adaptive e-learning systems using fuzzy logic, at a masters level and then to proceed for a PhD degree, to be able to provide an e-learning architecture that makes the learning experience a memorable one particularly for the physically challenged. As most available e-learning packages are tailored for the physically unchallenged, I have a desire to create an application that will be useful to this minority group that is largely ignored. After my post graduate studies, for the sheer love of education and research, I hope to be an academician and be involved in ground-breaking research and development that will help to bridge the gap in the African educational system. I also hope to establish an e-learning center here in Nigeria which would offer customized educational software development services to corporate firms and educational organizations. Based on the model developed during my post graduate studies, I would also like to write educational software for physically challenged students and then as a charity effort to provide free educational software to pre-university students on difficult subject areas.

Choosing Oregon state university as the location for my postgraduate studies was a very easy one because of its strong commitment to research and development, the outstanding reputation of the Department of Electrical Engineering and Computer Science worldwide and its cultural diversity which I believe would provide an atmosphere of "Home away from Home". I am sure that Oregon state university, especially given the caliber of her supervisors, would provide the right atmosphere for serious research work which I earnestly desire. This application is very important to me because, completion of a masters degree in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science is the best chance for me to begin to explore to the fullest, my interest in Information Technology. I desire very strongly to make an impact in the world of Science and technology. With this driving force and the right environment, I know I will be well on my way to realizing my dream of contributing to knowledge.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 13, 2009   #2
...all the computer-related ...

...my Industrial Training in the fourth year of...

Although , I was attached...

Unfortunately, I didn't receive much help from my department, but my determination determined to reach my goal compelled me to search for help online, and received supervisory assistance from an Indian Mr. Sauraubh Nandu, who has an outstanding record in software development.

Capitalize all this: Oregon State University

This is impressive, especially the part about seeking help online. You should spend some time with trunk and White's Elements of Style in order to perfect your writing.
OP mercea 1 / 1  
May 13, 2009   #3
All corrections noted. Thank you very much


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