Hello,
Thank you to anyone who reads this and comments or gives any constructive criticism. I am just getting started with my essays and want to see if I am heading in the right direction. If anyone would like me to look over an essay for them as well, I would be more than happy. Thank you all for your help and guidance.
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ESSAY QUESTION #1
What are the two most significant decisions you have made that influenced your career path to this point and what were the results?
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Growing up, I always knew what I wanted to be when I got older. A doctor. I have always had a sense of philanthropy and giving towards others and I knew that by becoming a doctor, that was the ultimate way to give back. My notion of giving back however was a little misguided.
I discovered the erroneous views of my youth once I had already begun the path to becoming a doctor. My original major in college was Molecular and Cellular Developmental Biology. I had completed my first semester at school with this major and was enjoying it. However, it was not until a family friend contacted me for some help with her upstart business that I realized a possible alternative opportunity.
For months I assisted this tiny entrepreneurial venture, consisting of just the owner and myself, with researching, developing and constructing a local community booklet of deals, coupons and local history. This venture turned me on to a side of myself that I had not realized previously.
I soon began finding myself much more interested in the business aspect of what we were developing and becoming less focused on my science homework. It was then that I evaluated what I want to do with my life and came to realize that even though a doctor is prestigious and I can take care of others, was it really what I wanted as my career. After seeing the love and determination my fellow entrepreneur had for her upstart company and the devotion and drive she had to get her business going, I made one of the most significant decisions of my life. I decided to change my major to Business and minor in Entrepreneurship.
I could not be more satisfied with my decision to change my major so many years ago. I believe that it has led me to this point in my life where I know that with an MBA from Arizona State, my current goal of owning my own company will come to fruition. Additionally, I have found that although I would not directly help and give towards others as was my original notion so many years ago, my business and entrepreneurial education can still enliven a business that provides and helps a general population.
My second and most difficult decision that has influenced my career path to this point was venturing from my business background into another interest that I had in television.
At the time, I had a very good job as a recruiter and assistant manager at a medical sales company. I was overseeing a field of 130 nurses and expanding the business with sales to customers throughout the greater Los Angeles area. However, I was not satisfied. I wanted something more, something different and unique. One day, I was at lunch with a fellow alumnus from college and he explained what he did for a living, television production. It immediately caught my eye and intrigued me. It was then that I decided I wanted to modify my career path and venture into television production.
This was particularly difficult because I had to start from the bottom and work my way up, but from the first day I walked into the studio, I haven't looked back. Television production is a beast of its own, with lofty expectations and high stress deadlines to create shows to air on specific dates.
My experience in television production has been enlightening and valuable. It is here that I began to strengthen and expand an already existent work ethic. Additionally, it introduced me to a business and avenue of information that I realized was what I would love to make my careers work. It is here that I have constructed the idea to create my own television production company and use my experience to create documentaries and shows that encapsulate philanthropy, good deeds, healing and the general well being of mankind. This endeavor will allow me to come full circle and do what I want as a career and still strive to benefit others and give back.
You can use a colon:
Growing up, I always knew what I wanted to be when I got older: a doctor.
but I still don't like it. You can say physician and it will be better:
Growing up, I always knew what I wanted to be when I got older: a physician.
But still, this is sort of a cliche, because people always say "I have wanted to be XXX since I was very young. Let's think of a cool intro sentence that hints at the main idea of the essay.
Okay, so I think the main focus of this message is on expounding the unique combination that you represent... a combination of entrepreneurial spirit and production/cinematic art.I hope you can cut out some of the unnecessary details, like the whole first para, and condense this to 2/3 the size to make room for more discussion of your specific plans about making documentaries, giving back to the community, and other aspects of your CURRENT career vision.
