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Essay topic: Carey Business school shapes business leaders who seize the opportunity


dichangwei 1 / -  
Dec 19, 2019   #1

your future industry



1.Carey Business school shapes business leaders who seize the opportunity, inspire change and create lasting value.
How is your future industry evolving, and in what ways do you hope to inspire change and create lasting value?

In early 2017, the former CEO of Goldman Sachs, Lloyd Blankfein stated Goldman Sachs was a technology firm and more a platform. As the leading global investment bank, securities and investment management firm, Goldman Sachs is taking steps to employ digital technology to welcome the evolution of financial services sector.

My aunt works for Ping An Insurance (Group) Company of China, one of the biggest financial groups in China. Committed to innovating in financial technology, Ping An has invested six subsidiary companies in Fintech. In the opinion of my aunt, Ping An has transformed from a traditional financial institution to a real Fintech company. As one of the leading financial institutions in Fortune Global 500 companies, Ping An showed its evolution in advanced technology. At the same time, almost all the Chinese financial institutions follow its step.

Moreover, last year I was an intern in Nanchang Zhuhe Enterprise Management Consulting Co. Although it provides the traditional consulting services in financing, Zhuhe also founded a subsidiary Technology Company in order to improve the operation efficiency. Moreover, it also drive a program to develop an APP for conducting Due Diligence, which could facilitate data collecting and making quantitative analysis towards the data outcome. Besides, considering the problems in conducting due diligence we met, our chief executive officer decided to create a new online platform dealing with due diligence using quantitative methods and programming. This platform can analyze all the data in financial and operational situation and eventually evaluate the target company in a report.

Machine learning and artificial intelligence has been used to free up banker's time to work on more meaningful work. Digital technology improves efficiencies in the workplace, at the same time it's also the threat of loss of jobs. Moreover, technology makes clients to monitor and manage their portfolios in a more modern, data-driven way. Along with the financial market emerging and the entering threshold of foreign funds going lower in China, as an undergraduate majoring in Finance, to grasp the opportunity and embrace the age of big data and artificial intelligence, I expect to make research on statistical methods and programming languages (at least one) in the next postgraduate stage. At Johns Hopkins Carey Business School, guided by world-class faculty including Federico Bandi, I can focus on fundamentals of valuation and analysis rooted in a practical understanding of economics.

Knowledge acquisition is one part of my goal. More importantly, I desire to get to know cohorts and learned from them, who are driven by curiosity, challenging conventional problems, and not satisfied to build a better career, but build a better future for all of us. That is also the difference between John Hopkins and others. Changing is the way for better, just as Mr. John Hopkins' legacy, I truly hope to get the essence of values of Carey Business School in study with you.

2.At Johns Hopkins University, we have a common goal of improving the lives of others. Johns Hopkins graduates work to improve society in different ways, from taking on the world's biggest challenges to transforming their local communities. Describe one way in which you have already contributed to one of your communities beyond the expected.

John Hopkins is well-known not only as a university, but as a hospital for the vaccine for polio and research institute that launched first spacecraft to land on an asteroid.

As a young man, though I didn't make the 5G technology out to benefit the society, I still radiate the heat and light from my deep inside and gives the generous favor to the needed by my side.

In 2017, as a member of "Show You The World" (a welfare project in our college), I volunteered to give lectures to the disabled children in Nanchang Bo'aiCare Center once a week. Most children here are not physically but mentally disabled. when I saw their glazed eyes for the first time, I immediately understood that these children had experienced a childhood that did not belong to an ordinary kid. Some children were treated unfairly by their parents because of gender or appearance discrimination. Others suffered the pain of losing their family members by accident. Lili, A nine-year-old girl who was painting on the blackboard impressed me. The administrator in this center told me that Lili's parents had never cherished her since her little brother was born. Afterward, the girl was constantly abused by her parents until she had a mental disorder.

When I first came here as a volunteer, she was the most lively and cheerful girl with a pure smile. She likes painting and singing the best. Since I got professional training in painting and won a national award, I became Lili's painting tutor. I usually outlined some cartoon characters on paper, and then she filled in the color she liked. Little by little, after three weeks' accompany, she was able to draw some cartoon characters vividly. And when she was painting, the intrinsic passion was released. Her talents shown in the painting made me create the idea to communicate with her parents to let her attend professional painting classes. However, they were not convinced that the girl could paint well and refused to pay the expensive tuition fee. This time, I realized the blow to the little girl, the lack of support, and distrust from her beloved parents, which caused the little girl's bluntness even hatred to her parents. I can't accompany her once a week in Nanchang all the time, but if I can let her receive the training of painting, she will find the meaning of life by her own hands. Therefore, I sought help from the care center to find a painting teacher who gave her a painting class every two weeks for free.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Dec 23, 2019   #2
@dichangwei
Hello. Welcome to the forum!

Here is my feedback on your writing.

Be cautious of your sentence composition. There were instances wherein you should have had packaged the writing in a clearer manner to ensure that you're not lost in meaning. For example, the first paragraph's first line clearly needed to be more demonstrative. Notice how you repeated the line Goldman Sachs twice in one sentence - these things aren't supposed to happen, especially if you pattern your writing to avoid repetition.

Tenses are crucial as well, so be mindful of them. If you're starting out with past tense as you did in the second paragraph, don't switch suddenly to present tense as was observed in the last parts of the text.

While you had the relevant content, the organization of thoughts is still seemingly lacking. Try to be more mindful of this also.


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