Hi guys, I am a very technical person and I have difficulties framing my SOP. I am typing down the initial draft here. Please feel free to post your comments as quickly as possible.
Two of the greatest inventions of 20th century are the creation of modern medicine and computers. Computers have surpassed the realms of shape, size and presence Advancement in electronics and enhanced communication techniques have reshaped the way computers are seen. With the arrival of cloud and ubiquitous computing, computers have become omnipresent. Many of us are using this power without our knowledge. This evolution of computers has always fascinated me. My vision is to use this omnipresence for creating products that can change life, as we know it.
Since childhood I have always tried to be the best at whatever I do. I studied in xxx Senior Secondary School, one of the best schools in India. It is the place where my roots for career got established. Qualities like discipline and focus were inculcated in me. I was always keen to study new topics and exploring causes of any events that occurred. I was introduced to the basics of computers and a few low level-programming languages like "Logo" and "Visual Basic". I was then mesmerized by the beauty of Turtle Graphics that were produced by simple 4 letter commands in Logo. I was appointed as the Assistant School Pupil Leader at High School for exceptional academic performance and excellence in co-curricular activities. I was always ardent and bright in academics and also I completed my High School with 94% getting into the top 5% of the school.
Outstanding marks in the high school examination helped me to join yyy University one of the most esteemed colleges in my region. The four years curriculum exposed me to the entire spectrum of computer courses thus laying a strong foundation for both my Hardware and Software fundamentals. Introduction to high-level programming, scripts and software happened only in my undergrad. I struggled with programming initially when I learnt 'C'. But I was fast to adapt and took a liking to it. This can be seen visibly in my mark sheets. I then went on to ace subjects like 'Java programming', 'Linux programming' and 'visual programming' acquiring the top grades. My college had a lot of academic discussion groups. I had been a part the most highly ranked group called "ffffff". My seniors there were passionate engineers and they guided me through advanced open source technologies. Later I had developed a complete community based website in my sophomore year for ffffff which is now live at dddd.
I was lucky to have a set of professors who knew exactly how to capture the interests of students. I got the contact of Professor Dr. ggggg by means of my microprocessor lecturer Mr. vvvvv. He found my keen interest in technology and my knowledge of biology. He thought that I could prosper under the guidance of Dr. ggggg who is a rationalist and has a keen mind for inventions. Dr. ggggg guided me for the initial steps of his research and taught me the basics of technology like ubiquitous computing, which I then put to use in the work that I have done under him. I have published 4 papers on how computing can be used for the betterment of life of the elderly and specially challenged people.
I presented two of these in the International Conference hhhhh on 2012 held at Coimbatore, India. I had explored the possibilities of various ambient assisted environments in these papers and I had used tools like "Knopflerfish", "dotNET micro framework" and "uPnP" for obtaining simulated results to establish these concepts.
By then I was an established web designer and an effective organizer for co-curricular events. Seeing these qualities, the dean of the School of Computing Dr.uuuuu honored me with the post of Chairman for the Association of Computer Engineers at yyy, which represents the whole community of Computer Science students. As the Chairman I had represented the students in various activities like Technical symposiums and was also a part of the academic council of the college, where I had discussed my views on the syllabus and requested for essential changes in it. In my final year at college I had also designed and developed the website for the nationwide cultural fest "rrr '12" conducted by us. The website is now available at rrr.
I completed my final year project at ttt - India. My project is a secure Intrusion detection system with low power devices in a Wireless Sensor Network for army barracks. Telos-b, Mica-Z Motes and PIR sensor boards were the primary hardware. We had formed a star network of these low power devices controlled by a central server to which they feed data about movement in the periphery detected by the Infra-red light levels induced by temperature changes. These devices also feed their battery status. Hence this is a more failsafe surveillance system where there is minimal possibility of node failures. We were informed that it was put to use later. But they refused to disclose the place or nature of use in order to maintain the confidentiality of the project.
The CTO of 'zzz' was the person who conducted my technical interviews. He saw that my skills could be put to use in developing a highly user-friendly product. Since the day I joined zzz I have been planning and developing software components, which makes customer support simple. I handle both modelling the component (its business logic) and the User interface. E-Mail is the major mode of customer support nowadays. But managing customer support through regular E-Mail services is a pain. So I developed an elaborate Mail - Ticket threading system for zzz, which effectively captures independent E-Mails and organizes them across different tickets and customers. This is one of the most praised features of zzz yet. I got to experience the power of cloud computing at zzz. I saw how our product was scaled to serve so many customers around the globe using the cloud. I studied about providers like 'Engineyard' and 'Amazon AWS' which are the major SaaS service providers in the world.
Ten years from now I envisage myself as a full-fledged research professional in an organization, orchestrating a revolutionary service. The first step to this would be to pursue a Masters program in computer science. Based on the information obtained from the Internet and that I received from my friends and acquaintances who have had prior experience of studying at the university of nnn, I am convinced that my ambitions would be best fulfilled there. I understand that your university is one of the most premier Computer Science Colleges. High quality education, academic motivation in students and the vast infrastructure have led me to seek admission in your university. I am sure that having such a sound academic environment at a reputed university such as yours, I will be able to explore my potential to the maximum. A dialogue from the movie "Hitch" intrigued me. The character Hitch says "Life is not the amount of breaths you take; it's the moments that take your breath away". I believe that I can experience many such moments at the University of Illinois as I have always found technological innovations breathtaking.
Academically I have always maintained more than distinction and will continue to do so. I believe that I have grown by leaps and bounds in the 2 years of work experience that I have got. I have learnt the industrial standards of programming, and the code of conduct in a software industry. This in my view will make my study easier. Working in a budding start-up has increased my sense of responsibility and has made me realize the importance of judicial use of code and the actual path to performance optimization. I believe that I possess the motivation, intellectual ability and preparation to set out on this exhilarating and arduous journey with absolute commitment and preparedness in order to contribute to your on-going research work. With my strong academic background, industrial experience and keenness for graduate study, I assure you that I will live up to the higher academic standards of your university and will study with passion and zest towards the betterment of science and humanity.
Hello,
In addition to what Dumi said, your essay is very weak on how you intend to utilize the resources at univeristy XYZ to help you achieve your career goals. You need to show how this program will provide you with ample resources that you will utilize to get to the next step in your career. -Admissions Advice Online
Hope this helps
Here's the thing: You're using ten words when two-three words should suffice. Also, you're describing things that simply are not being asked for in an SOP.
If you're worried about cutting down, try describing the university or department you plan on applying to. Try describing what you would do if you get accepted, such as the courses you take, the facilities that would help you out, etc.
