Below is a copy of my current draft of a personal statement for a masters in philosophy. I know I have more work to do, but please give me any notes you can.
They want me to write about immediate and long-range career goals and also include any information that might be helpful for the program.
For me, the true value of philosophy lies in both its breadth of study and its dedication toward a more critical and rational pursuit of understanding. Few disciplines consider such a wide range of topics and perhaps even fewer with such conviction regarding reasonable and rational thought. My path leading up to this application for Masters in Philosophy from the University of XXX may seem unlike the majority of the applicants you see, but I intend to prove to you both my passion for the field and my commitment to quality work in every aspect of my life.
I graduated Summa Cum Laude with a Bachelor of Arts in both psychology and criminal justice from XXX University in XXX . I also earned a Master of Science degree from XXX in criminal justice while maintaining a 4.0 GPA. As an undergraduate student, I completed a senior thesis comparing the website content of several national hate groups. Also, for my Masters thesis I compared environmental factors and crime rates in the neighborhoods of XXX . During my last year of graduate school, I was employed as a graduate assistant in the department of criminal justice at XXX University. While there I had the opportunity to help Dr. XXX with several writing assignments including making small contributions to the second edition of her book, XXX . She has also asked me to contribute to a couple of chapters in her current book project on XXX .
My initial interest in more formal philosophy started when I took a class in the history of philosophy as an undergrad. As a requirement for the course, I read Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder which provided me with a more practical understanding of the history of philosophy. Since then, certain topics in philosophy began to dominate my personal research. Some of my favorite philosophers and philosophical writers include Descartes, Spinoza, Socrates, Plato, Hume, and Bertrand Russell. Many of the topics within philosophy I am most interested in include epistemology, logic, and various topics related to science and religion.
Though my professional background is in fields other than philosophy, my increasing desire for a deeper understanding of every field and subject I have studied inevitably drew me towards that particular discipline. Immediately following high school, I was not sure what I wanted to do regarding my education. I tried several areas of study simply because I was interested in the topics at the time, but each seemed to fall short with respect to my desire for deeper understandings. More specifically, it seemed many of the people in those fields were more content simply knowing the answers rather than truly understanding why those were considered the answers. That is what I feel has ultimately brought me to philosophy. To me, philosophy is much more than answers. It is a way of looking at and questioning the world unlike anything else. Its focus on critical and rational thought is much more similar to what I would like to focus on as I continue my education and academic career.
If I am accepted into the masters program in philosophy at the University XXX I would like to focus my education on epistemology and logic. I could also see myself eventually applying for a PhD. program in philosophy. Following school, I would like to be doing a combination of teaching and writing. I am also very interested in the prospect of reaching a much larger audience by developing and managing websites related to my specific areas of study.
first of all, I don't think it is a good idea to post your personal statement online, because others could 'steal' it. anyway, it is a good essay, I would accept you.
try and write every 'philosophy', 'history' with capital letters