Underdog wants to sit at the big kids table- University of Miami Graduate Admissions Essay

The admission essay topic is as follows:

Please tell us, what sets the University of Miami graduate business program apart for you? How will earning your graduate degree at UM differentiate you from peers in other graduate programs both in your learning experience and your career? (600 word maximum)

Below is my response to the first question which is how far along I've gotten.

challenging and demanding atmosphere

The University of Miami graduate program provides a unique experience that's unparalleled to others; it molds their students into an individual with distinguished characteristics - a hurricane. I believe the character that UM instills in their students is what sets the school apart and what draws me most to the program. UM begins by selectively choosing only the best students who have the most promising groundwork and drive to be a 'cane. UM's selective admissions process ensures that only the most dedicated and hardworking students get accepted. The pride alone from being accepted to a school of UM's value gives the drive to want to prove that you belong amongst the best. Being submerged with peers that are not only extremely ambitious but also notably diverse is the stepping stone into what embodies being a 'cane. A University of Miami graduate is not merely comfortable but thrives in a challenging and demanding atmosphere. On top of receiving a top notch education, 'Canes environment at UM builds a mentality that guarantees success and fulfillment in life post-graduation. Getting to be a part of a family with like-minded standards of success together with a collection of distinctive insights from UM's eminent diversified scholars couldn't be of any higher importance to me.

I've always looked up to my aunt for her successes in life. Both she and I grew up in difficult homes that didn't place much importance in education and I admire her for being able to create her own future. She claims that being alumni from the University of Miami graduate program gave her an upper hand in her career trajectory. The vigorous and challenging coursework shaped her work ethic and set her apart when beginning her career. The connections created with other alumni, professors, and business professionals at UM provided her a crucial tool in finding a fulfilling and rewarding career. I've always been a person who doesn't let my circumstances affect me and is constantly looking for a challenge. In high school I didn't have the opportunity to apply myself like I wanted to because I worked multiple full time jobs supporting my family. The lack of options for education and my conditions at home led me to join the military. Joining the military was one of the most rewarding experiences in my life. I learned so much from being in such a diverse environment with people from all over the world who wanted to better themselves. It mainly taught me discipline and perseverance. These tools allowed me to finish my Associates of Arts in less than one year with straight A's. The hard work paid off and granted me acceptance to the University of Florida Accounting program as a transfer. UF rarely accepts transfer students and I felt honored to be one of the very few. I worked hard and finished my bachelor's degree in about a year. Now I aim to finish my master's degree while completing my CPA license in the next year. I want to be held to a higher standard where I can go beyond my current limits of education and personal growth. I believe no other graduate program can help me reach these goals better than at the University of Miami.

Hi evaruiz,

Your answer is well enough if you can present about real data what can student in Miami graduate business program reach in the past following years. Or even better if you can said that you interest in some aspect of research did by the professor in Miami graduate business program which has high impact to your economic country condition.

Thank you

Eva, the first part of your essay still sounds more like the information came from the brochure or website rather than an in-depth knowledge of how your academic interests will be served at UM. In order to properly address the essay, try to do a comparison of UM with your other candidate universities and then explain how, based on your research criteria, you decided that UM would make you a stand out professional within the line of work that you chose. Your second paragraph is totally irrelevant to the discussion because these do not contain any criteria for your university choice. Rather, this explains your academic, professional, and life background, which do not relate directly to the prompt requirements. Focus on UM alone and decide upon the qualities that you decided the university has which can set you apart from your peers as a student and graduate. It has nothing to do with your military background or the influence of your aunt. A simple one paragraph response will be sufficient if you provide the correct information to the reviewer.