Hi all, here I have written a statement of purpose for Ryerson University's data science program. I would really appreciate comments for improvement.
Statement of Purpose -- Ryerson University
Movies like minority report, and I robot spiked my interest in data sciences. PreCogs in minority report sift through truckloads of visual data to predict a future crime and thus save lives. On the other hand I, robot introduces us to VIKI short for virtual interactive kinetic intelligence which uses huge volume of data and computational powers to take control of humans. Keeping aside the threatening consequences of Artificial intelligence which is the talk of town nowadays, data mining finds its uses in varying fields. It a beacon of what can be done with data and what data can do.
Being a researcher in atmospheric sciences I understand the importance of information that can be derived from data. It was using data from a single station that Madden Julian Oscillations which is my field of work, were discovered, a remarkable discovery of a phenomenon that impacts weather across the globe. A master's degree would equip me with tools and knowledge that are the need of the hour. With this objective in mind I aspire to pursue Master in Data Science and Analytics from Ryerson University.
I have consistently been a top performer in academics, be it high school, under graduation or job based induction training. My aptitude for mathematical logic allowed me to excel in all four mathematics courses in my bachelors program. Random variables and processes form the basis of communication engineering and my degree in Electronics & Telecommunication engineering has furnished me with an in-depth knowledge of signal analysis techniques. I have been using wavenumber frequency spectrum analysis, empirical orthogonal function analysis and other such techniques to analyze variables such as precipitation and wind and fish out the dominant variability. During my induction training for the post of Scientist in XXXX, XXX, I was trained in programming languages such as FORTRAN, NCL, Grads and MATLAB. Working knowledge of these languages has enabled me to develop several tools for data analysis and visualization.
First use of machine learning in climate sciences dates back to just 2016, thus it can be confidently said that data science in meteorology is still in incipient stages. Use of deep learning systems to identify tropical cyclones, atmospheric rivers and weather fronts has been accomplished, whereas efforts are being made to use the same technique to study extreme events, which is the need in the hour in the current global warming scenario. With the advancement in Earth observing satellites and climate models, there is plethora of data available and artificial intelligence is the tool to tap into the unlimited information pool, which is my long term goal after gaining expertise in data science.
University of Ryerson's data science and analytics program provides a well-designed interdisciplinary curriculum which encompasses mathematical and computational technical skills and develops flair for research through its major research project milestone. The faculty in the program reflects the multi-disciplinary aspect of data science; the program has experts in mathematics, computer science, management and arts. I believe they will bring their academic proficiency and experience through instruction which is highly desirable to me. The industry partnership of Ryerson University enables access to data from varied fields, working and experimenting on which would give me hands on opportunity to translate my theoretical knowledge into practice and would better prepare for my future career.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Shilpa, let's address the one thing that always, always irritates the reviewer when they start to read an application. That is, quoting your major influence for your chosen field of work or masters degree as having come from a movie reference. Due to the inaccuracies and imaginative depictions of technology in the movies and television, people who work in the field assume that they can recreate the same kind of magic in real life. The reviewers tend to get frustrated by such references due to the inaccuracies that are portrayed in films, which always result in a negative depiction of the real work. That said, the reference to Minority Report and AI will no doubt negatively influence your application. Therefore, it would be best for your application essay if you remove that reference in the opening paragraph.
You reference "the need of the hour". What need is that? What critical need in this field do you hope to address by studying this course? You cannot simply imply a critical need. You must discuss it in terms of your motivation and purpose in this essay. The objective you state needs to be stronger than that generic reference to what the course can help you accomplish. Tell the reviewer what you main objective is. This is not a college essay, accuracy is paramount. So when you say you have an objective, tell the reviewer what it is because he will be comparing the following to the other applicants for admission:
1. Your motivation
2. Your purpose
3. Your objective
These are the most important elements in your essay that will help you make your statement stand out among the others. Don't keep it short, lengthen the explanation. Just make sure to not go over the maximum word count or 700 words if no maximum word count was provided.
Paragraph 4 sounds more like you are lecturing the reviewer. Why are you telling him information he already knows about this field? Explain your short term and long term goals more in terms of your future outlook for this field. You are speaking of technology or abilities that already exist. What will impress the reviewer is your forward thinking ability. What do you want to do in this field in the future that has not been done yet? That is your long term goal. The short term goal, is to lay the foundation that will help you achieve the long term goal.
The first 2 sentences of your last paragraph could have come out of the university website. Change that and the last sentence of this paragraph. The only section you can use the the "I believe" part. Delve deeper into the university research in a field of particular interest to you. State a possible thesis project in relation to an existing research project at the university under a specific professor. Explain how your projects gel and can help increase the results of each other's work. This will be the strongest contribution you can make to the university as a student.
Do yourself a favor and try to develop a strong paragraph that refers to your current employment, how you have used your college degree in performing your tasks, and why you feel that you have hit a wall in this instance. The work experience will help to highlight your potential as a research focused student in the graduate program.
