Hello everyone! I would like to know your opinion about it. Thank you.
My name is Tsypandina Sakhaiana. I have decided to take part in the KGSP, because I`m very interested in urban planning and real estate managemenet of Korea. I want to get knowledge and experience about it and it will be interesting for me to compare the system of urban planning and real estate managemenet between Russia and Korea. I think this program provides excellent opportunity for student to study abroad.
I am a graduate of Institution of engineering and technology, North-Eastern Federal University. My major is Real Estate Experties and Management. Since school days I began to be interested in real estate, especially in creating comfort for people's life, because I lived in adverse conditions. I understood that in regions of the Far North it is very difficult. Because of the cold weather dominates here for greater half of the year, development is very slow. For this reason I became interested in this specialty.
In the process of studying we learned many disciplines, including construction, real estate management and economics. I wrote 13 term papers and projects. The most exciting work was the final work, in which I did research to identify the most effective way to manage the building of the Art school. It was very interesting process. So I was able to protect it as "excellent" in front of the teaching staff. Also I took an active part in the social life of our Institute, I was a member of student union organization. In this organization we organized the cultural leisure of students and helped them to realize their rights.
After graduation I passed a public servant competition in state institution, which oversees compliance with the laws in the field of construction and rea lestate management in our region. In 2015 I was awarded the diploma as the best specialist. During 4 years of work, I studied construction, real estate and cisil law, closely work with the our region city's administrations, took an active part in seminars and meeting organization.
Little by little, I had the opportunity and an interest to see people's life in other countries with my own eyes. So, in 2017, I visited South Korea for the first time. I was deeply impressed by the progressiveness of country. I felt that government and providing firms try to create all of conditions for comfortable and safe people staying in any place. Good transport infrastructure of such a big city and possibility of independent movement to disabilities people made a bright pleasant impression. Also I was surprised by presence in residential complexes of their own gyms, libraries and other facilities necessary for comfortable living. It turns out that the projects of such residential complexes are made so that people in the minimum distance of movement have everything necessary for life.
After that, I began to understand that not only high-quality housing, but also good transport infrastructure and complete urban planning help to improving the quality of life.
So, when I became aware that this program gives opportunity for foreign students to study in major "Urban Planning and Real Estate", I decided that I should make every effort to learn the technologies and ways that allowed South Korea to achieve such a high level.
Besides, I would like to tell Korean people about my international republic`s culture, traditions, language and national faith, because we living in different climate and culture, flora and fauna and of course with different nationalities. I think it will be interesting for Korean people. This program will give me real chance to show our culture and also learn Korean culture and traditions.
Therefore, four months ago I began to study Korean language on my own, and also now I attend individual courses to do a better job in the future while studying. I look forward to the opportunity to test my knowledge of Korean language in TOPIK test.
In conclusion, I would like to say that opportunities to study in this program will give me incomparable experience, good impressions and excellent knowledge in my specialization, which can be great for my future career and self-development. If I get the opportunity to learn in this program my dreams will come true.
Please grammar check your essay - you can use grammarly for this. For example, 'the' urban planning and my major 'was'
You have mentioned your final project was exciting. Try to talk about why. What interested you so much. perhaps a little bit about tour findings.
It seems impressive that you helped students realize rights? Talk about what kind of rights these were and how you did it.
Restructure the paragraph about Korean people and your international republic's culture. Instead of using vague words like culture fauna flora use some examples of what they could take from your cultures and what you could take from theirs.
Remove the last lime - dreams will come true. too cliche.
The content of the essay is good but needs sentence restructuring and grammar check.
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@IamIana Tehre are specific discussion points for the GKS - G personal statement. Most of which are not represented or little represented in this essay. The reviewer does not required 85 % of the information in this essay. The parts that he needs to know about, such as your detailed college education and professional life, are very little discussed in your presentation. You should have discussed those aspects in greater detail. Your motivational consideration for wanting to study in Korea can be further developed in relation to your reasons for studying in Korea. Try to create an essay that follows a better flow of discussion. Something like the following would be better for this presentation:
1. Academic and professional background (one paragraph each with transition sentences);
2. motivation for studying in Korea (academic objective);
3. Reasons for studying in Korea (professional objective);
4. Other strengths that prove a proficiency in research (detailed undergraduate thesis discussion).
You do not need to include a desire to introduce your culture to Koreans. What you should do is develop extended discussions of your paragraphs in relation to the above listing. Additionally, you have to expand on the explanation of your 13 research projects. Choose the ones that you scored most highly with, making sure it is relevant to your chosen course so that you can strengthen your research proficiency presentation.
Do not use Grammarly to check your essay for grammar and other errors. That website stores your essay in its database so if your essay is run through a plagiarism check, your paper will come back as a plagiarized paper. Use only offline grammar checkers such as Word 356's bundled spelling checker and editor to prevent accidental plagiarism. Or better yet, hire a professional to edit your next draft version so it can enter into a final version immediately.