I wanted to help. I prayed for a miracle. But I was only eight.; Questbridge Bio

Any help/comments are greatly appreciated!

BIOGRAPHICAL ESSAY (800 WORDS)

I wanted to help, and I prayed for a miracle. But I was only eight. Out of my control, one of my closest friends fell asleep, never to wake up again. Experiencing the loss of my friend Krista at such a young age made me feel a frustrated remorse because I had been powerless to help her. I felt a sad emptiness I didn't know how to deal with. As I grew up, these feelings would continue to burden my heart, until life's journey finally brought me to an understanding.

Around the same time as Krista's passing, my parents coincidentally began homeschooling me after they had concernedly observed numerous unruly, public-schooled children. While homeschooling provided me with a strong academic foundation by instilling in me motivation and independent problem solving skills, it also put me in a different sphere of childhood, isolated from the real world and its stark realities. Unlike other kids, I never had to deal with drama, face hallway bullies, or feel their common disappointments. Instead, my parents were always by my side, guiding me along a separate life pathway. This environment made it even more challenging for me to come to terms with the emotional turmoil in my heart.

When I went back to public school in ninth grade, I fit back in relatively well in terms of academics. Yet, my heart's hole felt even deeper with the addition of having lost the opportunity to make lifelong friendships. Equipped with my trained motivation from homeschooling, I bravely became involved in as many extracurricular activities as possible in an effort to make up the lost years and lost friends. Countless hours of my school days were spent attending club meetings, soccer and swimming practices. By sophomore year, I had made quite a few close friends, yet my heart still felt the same emptiness as before. I thought mere friendship would fill the gap. I didn't know what was missing.

My eyes were opened the day I began volunteering at Beaverton City Hall's Peer Court. This program trained me to be a lawyer for unfortunate teenagers in Juvenile Detention. I began to realize that compassionately serving people others what had been missing all those years of confusion and anxiety. The emptiness within me began to diminish each time I sat down with a saddened teenager and communicated with them on how to make better decisions in the future. My heart smiled when I saw their eyes of gratitude after I had represented them in court.

This summer, I had the chance to bring my desire to serve others to the next level after a gift check from a close family friend unexpectedly arrived at our house. My family and I decided to use the money by going to Taiwan for the summer and volunteering for a ministry that serves rural Taiwanese tribes. I took advantage of this opportunity to set up two English Bible camps for children. During the camps, I was able to not only teach them English, but also share my own life experiences to help guide them on their own life paths. One of my students was a little troublemaker named Jerry who got into a fight the first day and actually threatened to kill those who punched him. Knowing he was really just scared rather than looking for trouble, I determined to give him more attention and care. Instantly, I felt a strong sensation of déjŕ vu. My yearning to assist Jerry reminded me of when I was eight trying to help Krista, but this time I had the ability to help. In that moment, I realized that even though Krista's fate had been out of my control, I could choose to serve and benefit the people around me in my present day. I resolved to do so, and the last gap in my heart's hollow was patched. Throughout the camp, I dedicated more time to Jerry and was able to plant seeds of hope and love in his young heart. By the end of camp, he and I had become close friends.

Now I am back in America applying for colleges. But I have a clear goal in mind. College will further prepare me to serve others. My experiences have urged me to pursue a career I can use as a tool to minister to people. I have chosen dentistry because it will provide me a skill with which I can go back to Taiwan and aid the people of my cultural heritage.

My life's journey had finally brought me to terms with the emptiness that had haunted me from the age of eight. I now understood that life is more than learning. It's about applying what I learn to serve others.

I enjoyed your essay.
You'd better began your writing with an introduction in which you can clarify the structure of your essay and mention your key points.

I feel if you change the order of these sentences, rather ideas, then your flow would be more smooth;
I was only eight when I prayed desperately for a miracle to happen, but in vain; one of my closest friends closed her eyes tight and never opened them again.


Part of this line has already been said in the previous sentence. So, avoid the repetitive effect;
My friend Krista's death came as a terrible blow that made me feel and understand the emptiness in my life.