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On my way to the Master's program in Digital Marketing in Smurfit School

Thu Pham 1 / 2 1  
Jan 29, 2017   #1
Please state your reasons for wishing to undertake this programme? Ideally, how would you like to see your career develop over the next 5 years (maximum 300 words)

Please help edit and let me know your feeling when you read my essay!!

Thanks guys!!!

the thirst for knowledge

Started my career as a strategic planner, I have witnessed the fast growing digital penetration in Vietnam. Despite taking 101 courses, I have realized that being successful in the digital era requires more than the basics. Therefore, the thirst for knowledge has reinforced my decision to enroll in the Master's course in Digital Marketing.

A comprehensive view of digital marketing is my educational goal. Not being well equipped with in-depth knowledge, I struggled to evaluate, articulating values of digital platforms to make connections with brand's expectation. Consequently, I failed to convince clients of impacts of digital solutions on their brand objectives in my past projects for skincare and pharmaceutical segments. Such failures have motivated me to choose your excellent program offerings that focus on not only practical digital planning skills, technology updates, but also strategic thinking to adapt brand communication through digital media.

Networking together with knowledge exchanges is another study driver. During the time working with Indian and British colleagues, they have shared with me the differences in media behavior and digital advances from their countries. The curiosity about those has turned into a wish to adopt some in Vietnam context for more effective communication planning and efficient reporting process. At Smurfit School, where 50% are international students across nations, there is no better place for me to discuss with and earn invaluable learnings from other peers.

After graduation, my professional 5-year goal is to manage and take initiatives in digital business development at FMCG organization. In such roles, both of the enthusiasm for digital marketing plus my strength at systematic and analytical thinking are conjoined to position myself. Being able to work in emerging markets is more attractive, due to occurrences of digital struggles and opportunities. This is believed to boost my self-growth and energise my job passion.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,364 3367  
Jan 29, 2017   #2
Thu, before you explain the reasons why you decided to enroll in this masters course, you should first, make it clear to the reviewer that you accomplished a different course in college, state the course, and then explain how that relates to your shortcomings in the performance of your duties in the digital marketing field. This will help to create a strong foundation as to your academic goals for wishing to enroll in this masters degree course. Your second paragraph will work well to explain your work problems in relation to your interest in these advanced studies. That paragraph is quite strong and informative in an engaging manner. The first paragraph is where you need to focus your revision work on for the aforementioned reasons.

Your current third paragraph deviates from the instructions you have been given and, in my opinion, does not really qualify as a study objective. The strongest study objective always has to do with self improvement. The information in the second paragraph is not as strong as your previous paragraphs. It does not even work as a transition paragraph. On the other hand, the immediate introduction of your 5 year career plan already has a short but effective transition phrase at the start. So the paragraph becomes effective. Once you remove the third paragraph, you can use the remaining word count to create a more detailed career progression plan from the time that you graduate. How do you see yourself progressing in the company over a period of 5 years? What are the steps involved (covering the time span indicated) that are required before you can complete your 5 year plan and how does your study in this field relate to your achieving that success? Once you relate all of the questions in a solid paragraph, then the study plan becomes more effective in explaining your interest in pursuing this masters degree at this school.

Somehow I feel like there are still some necessary points to be discussed in this essay. Can you tell me if this just serves as your statement of purpose, motivational letter, or personal statement? If I know which essay you are trying to write, I might be able to offer some better, more relevant advice regarding content. The comments above are what I can offer in terms of improvement based upon the questions you have provided.
DoctorWho - / 46 29  
Jan 29, 2017   #3

Overall a good essay. Just making a few corrections.

Having started my career as (...) in Vietnam. Despite taking 101 courses, I haveand realized that being successful (...) more than just the basics. Therefore, the thirst for knowledge has reinforcedThe thirst for knowledge plays a pivotal role in my decision to enroll ... ("Reinforced" would be more appropriate at a later part of the essay. Eg- In addition to Reason 1, reason 2 reinforced my decision to join.)

Not being well equipped/versed with in-depth knowledge, (...) make connections with a brand's expectation.
... convince clients of the impact of digital (...) past projects forinvolving skincare ...
... to choose your excellent/prestigious program offerings that focus on (...) skills and technology updates, ...

... knowledge exchange is another study driver/ has further reinforced my decision to join the programme . During the time (...) shared with me theWorking in the past with Indian and British colleagues, I gained immense knowledge regarding the differences in media behavior and digital advances from theirin different countries. TheMy curiosity about those has turned into a wish to adopt some ina Vietnam context for ...

... are international students across nations(International and across nations convey the same idea) , there is no better (...) and earn invaluable learningsinputs from other peers.

In such a role, both of the enthusiasm for (...) conjoined to position myselfI could combine my enthusiasm for digital marketing with my strength at systemic and analytical thinking to reach my highest potential .

This is believed toI believe, will boost my self-growth and ...

I've used "/" in some places. You can use either of the two words or sentences.
Good Luck :)
OP Thu Pham 1 / 2 1  
Feb 1, 2017   #4
Thanks a ton for your comments. I am revising my essay to make it look better. :)

It is a part of the two essay questions that I have to submit in the online application form. It actually acts as a personal statement.

Regarding the third paragraph, personally, I think the multi-culture environment is also a strong motivation for me to enroll in Smurtfit. At the same time, I am also convinced by your suggestion to make my career plan more details to enhance my study interest. It's hard to include all in a 300-word essay. :(

I've just emailed the admission team to check if it is feasible to upload a personal statement with longer than 300 words, instead of following the fixed requirement of the default question of the online form. If not, I will consider to make priority between the two ideas.

Thanks again for your feedback.

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