Hello this is what I've written so far in my self-introduction, please let me know if I'm heading at the right direction on this. I'm well-aware that what I put out here is wordy and there are details that I can shorten or eliminate.
KGSP Self -Introduction
o Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
o Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
o Your motivations for applying for this program
o Reason for study in Korea
Two years ago, I wrote a poem entitled "White Opulence". This specific poem I have written was my way of expressing a poetic narrative of the subject I know best, myself. Literature is fueled by experiences, and this poem was my way of encapsulating how I saw the world and how I fit in it. Experiences are grounded in significant realizations, and I believe that literature magnifies these different aspects of human realness. My passion for literary creation and analysis for this reason has been amplified. I admired the honest art that literature exhibits. With this, English Literature is a field I wanted to involve myself and mature in to a full extent.
Being a Jesuit bred student from the Ateneo de Davao University has molded me into a student who exists not only in a lecture setting, but as a person who promotes its ideals such as leadership, cultural sensitivity and transformation. In my first year of college, I was already set on developing myself as someone whose service is dedicated to the student body. As one of the chairpersons in our college's executive council (First Year Student Executive Council), I contributed and consulted my fellow batch mates in all of their necessary adjustments and needs. Despite being in the same year as them, I found that being the person who needs to step up regardless of being in the same situation as them is a good opportunity to use our similar experiences as a way of ____??
In my four year college course, studying the significance of culture, race, class, and gender and how it is incorporated in texts was fascinating for me as a literature student. Taking in the lectures I absorbed during my semester of Literary Theory, it was then I decided to pursue a study on the body of literature created by two female authors, one foreign, Sylvia Plath and one local, Lilia Lopez-Chua. My objective was to analyze the personas they set out in their poetry. The hard work I put out in this research was pivotal for me academically and personally because it was my brave decision to execute this research alone; I had a personal ambition I wanted to reflect on my work. One of my panelists in my bachelor's thesis was Dr. Macario Tiu, a renowned writer in my city, whose objective criticism was one I took greatly. His emphasis on highlighting culture and individuality made my research well-rounded, earning it a recognition for the 2nd Place for Best Thesis Infographic a month before my 2016 graduation.
Cultural transformation and sensitivity as I have aforementioned is one of the ideals I continue to exhibit as a student coming from a Jesuit school. For as long as I can remember, I saw the Ateneo continuously furthering their global horizon. Davao City became a hot spot for intercultural exchange and foreign study. During the course of my study in the Ateneo, I have built a casual network of friends from Korea. Their anecdotes of their home country are snippets I held close onto. Their open-mindedness and willingness to study here inspired me to be familiar with their, culture, language, and their literature all at once. Immediately after my graduation last year, I could not pass down the opportunity of working with a Korean academy in my city. Catering to homestay and short term students (summer/winter) students who are studying and learning English, and seeing that I had enough exposure to my field and dealing with Korean people (I don't know how to express this part without sounding pushy that I have Korean friends), I saw myself growing in that environment...Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Nina, the essay that you wrote lacks the substance that is required of a KGSP applicant. If you review the prompt requirements, you will find that aside from a heavily discussed academic background, there is nothing else in the essay that would directly relate to the information required of you. There is no personal background related to your upbringing, what kind of mindset your upbringing developed in you, and how these all relate to the dreams and hopes that you have either on a personal or national basis. While you speak heavily of the influence of other people upon you, there is a clear lack of professional experience that would inform the reviewer regarding the application of your college degree to your chosen career. Therefore, there is no way to relate your career to the KGSP program. If you do not have any professional experience, you must explain why that is so to the reviewer and more importantly, convince him that your reasons and motivations for studying in Korea, sans a professional application, should be given a higher priority over the other applicants who out qualify you, for the program. What I am reading here is something that is best suited for a college transfer application. It is nowhere near being a qualified KGSP self introduction letter at the moment. You know what the letter requirements are in terms of important and required information. Do your best to revise your essay in a manner that better reflects the reviewers expectations. You still have a chance to impress the reviewer, all you have to do, is write a more suitable essay for him to consider.
