Please provide feedback for my draft of SoP. I'm not sure whether the reasoning that i gave about the goal is reasonable enough. Should i add more detail in this SoP or which part i should remove? Also, would you please give me some example of expression to ask for graduate assistantship? Thank you in advance.
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I wish to pursue my graduate studies at your esteemed university, as I believe that a Masters degree will help me to achieve my ultimate goal, which is to develop myself to establish a career in the software industry; to fulfill this goal, however, I must improve my knowledge of software engineering and my research skills. The Master's Program in computer science at XXXX is a good fit for me for many reasons.
This program provides essential knowledge in both theory and practice in the software engineering field. The detailed course list reveals a number of courses well suited to my academic desires and aspirations. My primary interest is to do research on software engineering. The computer science graduate program suits this interest perfectly with its advanced courses and its excellent research laboratories.
As an undergraduate from CCC University with a bachelor's degree in computer engineering, I took great interest and excelled in programming-related subjects like System Programming, Computer Theory, Information Systems and Programming Languages. However, My research interest was about digital image processing and neural network so my undergraduate research topic is ZZZ which is a study of how to estimate the quantity of x-rays for chest x-ray using digital image processing and support vector machine theory. Doing an undergraduate research gave me a valuable experience and better understanding of the method of researching. Also, I had a good opportunity to join the national student competition called Thailand Imagine Cup 2005 by Microsoft and acquired 1st runner-up award that made me gained more knowledge about developing web service application.
During my first job at BBB AAA Co., Ltd. (also known as AAA), the world's leading source of intelligent information for businesses and professionals, I'm working as a quality assurance engineer in Information Management System domain. Working at AAA over two years has helped me improve my expertise of software engineering especially software testing in the real world. I have had great opportunities to experience challenging projects and innovation-intensive tasks so this greatly increases my eagerness to continue studying and researching to acquire more knowledge in this field.
Lastly, while the computer science graduate program at XXXX can give me the tools I need to achieve my goals, I feel that I have much to contribute back to the program through my experiences and knowledge gained not only as an undergraduate but from my work at AAA. I am confident in my abilities and look forward to the opportunity to continue my studies in your fine program.
... excelled in programming-related subjects like System Programming, Computer Theory, Information Systems and Programming Languages.None of these should be capitalized. However, My research interest was (...) and neural network s so my undergraduate research topic was ZZZ, which is a study (...) quantity of x-rays necessary for chest x-rays using digital image processing and the support vector machine theory. Doing undergraduate research gave me valuable experience anda better understanding of the method of researching. (Removed-unnecessary information)
... information for businesses and professionals, I am working as a quality assurance engineer in theInformation Management System domain. Working at AAA over two years has helped me improve my expertise in software engineering, especially software testing, in the real world.
What do you mean by "graduate assistanceship?" Do you mean an internship? If so, you could say something like, "I am also very interested in any internship programs available within this area of study" or "The internships provided for this program are of the utmost interest to me."
I hope this helps.
