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Write an essay to a college or graduate school classifying the abilities and talents you possess

ductrung1901 1 / -  
Jul 9, 2018   #1

Are you a successful candidate for this program?

Write an essay to a college or graduate school classifying the abilities and talents you possess that will make you a successful candidate for their program.

People have dreamed about their future from the time when they were young. From my own perspective, I really into technology when I was five years old. So I wanted to apply for FPT University- one of the most reputation university in Hanoi to become a Cyber Security.

At present, English, teamwork, sport, and information technologies are the most crucial skills to let me be the brightest candidate for this program due to the proliferation of technology.

First of all, English will have me to translate specialized documents easily. To translate something, languages is basically essential. Besides, English also became a necessary language all over the world to communicate with people in other countries. From my own experience, I have an IELTS certificate and attend many interpreting sessions such as AIESEC, Vietduc Highschool talk show.

Secondly, sport is one of the skills that I have. When I was in high school, I won two young basketball championships and a college football championship. For me, it is an optimal way for me to keep fit and stay healthy. Moreover, you can build a relationship or learning more effectively. Especially, when we studying or working, if we don't have a good health, you will have diseases such as headache, backache or gastrointestinal disorders.

Thirdly, the most important skill is information technology. Because FPT is a field of information technology, so programming skills are very focused. In terms of my skills, I have been involved in Python programming, Ruby programming. According to Brookings - one of the most reputation technology article, Python and Ruby programming are two programming languages that are applicable in many areas. I am always at the forefront of IT in school with a score of 10.

In summary, there are a lot of people who fit this program. However, I am confident that I am one of the first to be admitted to FPT University. Because I have a lot of vital skills to complete the course with excellent performance such as information technologies, English, sport. I promise to try to complete this program seriously and show all my abilities

Holt - / 7,651 1998  
Jul 10, 2018   #2
Duc Trung, this is not a very well developed college application essay. While it is understandable in most instances, you really do a very bad job when it comes to developing the proper sentence structure. While it does address the prompt requirements, it does so in a manner that doesn't aim to impress the reviewer. It is almost as if you are just writing to meet the requirement and nothing more. While I understand that you are just writing this as part of your English skills development, you need to take the drafting and editing of this paper seriously. You also need to understand the difference between a college course major and the occupation that goes along with it.

You need to discuss this essay from a first person point of view. Rather than using the term "me" use the more formal reference of "I" which will also indicate a present timeline in the essay rather than the non specific time pronouncement in your current essay. Since this is for a college application, The first part of your essay should use a past reference such as "I have been" or "I excelled at" and the second part should indicate present inclinations such as "I am currently..." or "I am proficient in..." and other similar present time references.

College admissions officers dislike reading misleading information such as "I really into technology when I was five years old." No matter how tech savvy a child is, a real understanding of technology and its accompanying concepts does not come into play until the child is at least high school age. Never make a reference to making a career choice during a time when you were still barely out of diapers. A reviewer would automatically trash your essay upon reading such outlandish declarations. Be realistic without exaggerating things. Honesty is the most important part of a college application because this is considered a formal interview.

Speaking of which, Cyber Security is the college major, a graduate of this course is a cyber security expert / officer/ developer. Any of those 3 position references would have been the more proper reference to what you wish to become upon graduation.

Your reference to your English language expertise in the essay is so faulty, you should not even mention that you have an IELTS certification because people will wonder how you passed the test with such bad grammar. Instead, Indicate that you have an ability to read in English and translate to your native tongue. Rather than the implication at the moment which is that you can read in your native tongue and accurately translate it to English. Remember, you are supposed to highlight your skills. So when your reference is obviously inaccurate, it creates a question of truth behind the information.

Sports is not a skill you have. Sports is something that you do for a hobby. You have skill in the sport of tennis, swimming, basketball, volleyball, chess, etc. In reference to basketball, you do not win tournaments alone, you win it as a team. So this should illustrate your ability for teamwork instead.

Unfortunately, this essay doesn't come across as highly believable and leaves some major questions on the part of the reviewer, which makes this an extremely weak essay that could very well put your college application in the decline list. Work on using connecting words, transition sentences, and also try to do more sentence development practice tests such as online fill in the blanks to complete sentences exercises. Those are available for free.

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