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XXX University - International Trade entrance essay


amistrelia2 1 / -  
Oct 30, 2017   #1
Hello,

My name is Natalia. I am applying for master's program in XXX University (Korea) in the Graduate School of International Relations (international trade division). The competition promises to be extremely tough, and the decision will most likely depend hugely on the essay.

We have to write an essay, as it is stated on their page, that enunciates the reason why the applicant is interested in GSIS program, the applicant's life experience and future career plan.

I would appreciate any comment on structure, grammar and the content of my essay. Thank you beforehand!


application essay for GSIS program



My name is Natalia. Born in a small town, in a faraway region in Russia, I was brought up in a single-parent family. My mother took great care of me as her only child, and did everything to make my future life better than most people had at that time. When I was in the elementary school, she saw that I found a profound interest in reading and studying, and started to buy me the books on all that little money she had after paying the bills. I guess, it is at that time that studying became not a burden, but my hobby - something that I enjoy doing in my free time.

A couple of years later I managed to enter a prestigious linguistic school in my town, which taught advanced English and French. The program was exceedingly tough, the competition - even tougher. Most of my classmates had to take expensive private lessons, which I, of course, could not afford. Despite this seeming unfairness, I made all effort to keep up with the classmates, studied all by myself for 6-8 hours a day, and found this time extremely enjoyable.

When I proceeded to high school, I had to make a decision about what is it exactly that I want to do in the future. Interest in languages and in the outside world made me dream of entering XXX, the most elite university in Russia, from which most ambassadors, diplomats, as well as many politicians and businessman graduate. No wonder the entrance score to this university is also the highest in Russia - over 95% average. That is why it seemed almost impossible for a little girl from a small town to enter XXX. Moreover, most of my classmates were aiming at local universities, since Moscow was really far from my town - it took almost 22 hours to go there by train.

Nevertheless, my mom, despite me being her only child, enthusiastically encouraged me to apply to XXX and live in Moscow, even if it meant that I'd be able to see her no more than 2 times a year. But it was one of the few opportunities to get away from the poor countryside life and achieve success, and my mom knew it way too well.

I succeeded in entering the University as a student of the International Relations department majoring in Korean language and received a scholarship, without which I, of course, would not have been able to study there - one semester costed as much as my mother's annual income.

In my first years I worked hard to build my way up, studied day and night, took extra-classes, became an active member of the biggest Model United Nations' organization in Russia, and after two years I was nominated for an exchange program in a Korean university - a chance, that only 2 best students of Korean major receive every semester. The moment when I arrived in Incheon International Airport was, I believe, a crucial turning point in my life.

It was my first time in Korea and I completely fell in love with it - its culture, people's way of thinking and lifestyle, Korean nature and landscape, never-sleeping cities, even the fast pace of life attracted me much more than leisurely life in Russia... I realized that I feel much more comfortable being there than living in Moscow. I guess, my character and thoughts are closer to that of Korea. In addition, education system of Korean universities suits me much better than that of Russia.

This time when I stayed in Korea helped me to shape my goal for the future, which is - to continue education in Korean university after acquiring my bachelor's degree in Russia.

After completing my exchange program in Kyung Hee University and returning to Moscow I started to concentrate more on studying the language and a bit later was able to work as a freelance translator and interpreter, which made it possible for me to not only become financially independent, but also to support my mom. Sometimes I had to work for more than 10-12 hours a day for a long period of time that stretched for many weeks, but I felt happy with that. I liked to do something meaningful anyway.

Moreover, working part-time with the representatives of Korean companies and organizations slightly opened the doors of Korean business world to me. I gained some information about the current state of trade between Russian and Korea and learned about the prospectives and problems that the two countries face in mutual relations. For the first time in my life I faced some real situations that go beyond classroom studies, and this work experience made me extremely eager to study international trade.

Now, that I have graduated with a degree in Foreign Studies, I am more than ever determined to continue my study in the XXX University Graduate School of International Relations and specialize in a particular field - International Trade.

During my two years in GSIS I want to obtain systematic and profound knowledge about international business, to acquire skills in international negotiations and to learn how to analyze the state of world trade and business. In addition to the two core courses and the concentration requirement courses, which present an extreme interest to me, especially the International Business, International Trade Theory and International Trade Policy courses, I would also like to take up International Marketing and Electronic Commerce courses, as well as, if allowed, a few courses in the area of International Finance to widen my horizons about economics.

In addition to my studying I would also like to have an internship in Korea during the vacation time, preferably in either Korean public institute, such as KOTRA or Korea Trade Center, or in a private Korean or transnational corporation. Either way, during this internship I would like to apply the theoretical knowledge I gained while studying in XXX and learn practical skills needed to work in a similar corporation in the future.

After acquiring Master's Degree I am aiming at getting a job in the international department of a transnational corporation. I would like to work in a corporation located in Korea or, otherwise, in a Korean company overseas, be it in Russia or another country.

I realize that presently I might lack education and skills in the respective field, and therefore I am desperately eager to enter XXX University's Graduate School to study international trade. At the moment entering Korean university as a full-time student seems to be a dream, but I will do everything to achieve this goal.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,552 3449  
Oct 30, 2017   #2
Natalia, the essay is extremely long. It is so long that eventually, I found myself distracted by other things while reading it. You may want to cut down the presentation of your biography to only the mist important elements. Compress the information about your early education into one paragraph. The focus of the essay's academic slant should be on your college accomplishments. Informing the reader about more awards and achievements could only work to your benefit. What I feel is missing from this essay is a direct reference to your full time job. How does the Korean factor fit into that? Part time jobs are not really considered as heavily as the full time jobs due to the lack of career progression and achievements. You may want to rethink that aspect of your presentation. Your post study plans are nice but it lacks a focus or a goal. It seems like you just want to keep working without a personal goal in mind to keep you focused and on track. Try to include a paragraph that covers that point in order to strengthen your closing paragraph.


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