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[this day Mr. Jackson] - help with grammar on thesis statment


codya 1 / -  
Sep 10, 2013   #1
I'm doing a narrative essay and we have to write about an event in our life but i was just wondering if this thesis is correct. I just need to know if the semi colon is right or if it should be a period. Another suggestions to make my thesis better are also welcome.

To this day Mr. Jackson is still one of my least favorite teachers, however, I need to thank him; without Mr. Jackson I never would have learned that through hard work and help from good people one can achieve anything.

yosh503037 12 / 22 2  
Sep 14, 2013   #2
Hey Cody,

So, I'm assuming that you are going to be writing a couple paragraphs for this essay prompt. Not a bad start; however, some general suggestions are to follow in addition to how I would revise your particular thesis:

1. Try to include what you are going to say in your paragraphs to follow at the end of the thesis.
2. Attempt to make the thesis sound at an "expert-level" since it sets the tone for much of the rest of the essay, which, based on what grade level you are in currently, seems to have been done well.

3. Try to include vocabulary that is somewhat "reach," though within your capacity; once again, it simply shows familiarity with the subject matter.

As a result, the following is how I would revise your thesis (for rewording and grammar):

Of the teachers that I have hitherto had the experience of learning from,To this day Mr. Jackson is still one of my most abhoredleast favorite teachers, yet, however, I need toinexplicably have come to be grateful, for reasons that were obscured from my perspective when in his class, asthank him; without Mr. Jackson, I never would have learned that anything is attainable withthrough hard workdedication and help from othersgood people one can achieve anything .

Hope that helped and good luck!


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