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Develop paragraph by the supporting topic sentences : "Television watching should be..."

vidiaenxi 1 / 1  
Sep 7, 2018   #1

writing about TV

Television watching should be minimized to a certain extent if we want to live a more meaningful and happier life. To watch a movie, a drama or a game show, people have to spend a lot of time so they don't have time for other activities. In addition, spend too much time watching TV can make people be lazy and addicted that is not good for health. Meanwhile, many people need your help such as your parents, brother, sister, older people etc. Helping people can make them feel happy and you are also happy, helpful, and meaningful. Taking the time of watching TV for a gym, jogging, fishing, or social activities that make people more healthy and creative. Therefore, don't waste your time for TV, let go out and enjoy your beautiful fife.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,672 4113  
Sep 8, 2018   #2
Quang, it appears that there are several topic sentences to be supported in this writing. However, you failed to list what these sentences are so I am not sure if you were able to properly use these in the development of this paragraph. There is an obvious lack of familiarity with the development of English sentences on your part as you use connecting words where it is not required such as in reference to "make people be lazy". It should have been written as "make people lazy." No need for a connecting word in that instance.

Since this paper is not meant to address a specific audience, you should not be making reference to "your" in this statement. Keep it general in reference such as saying "Television watching prevents people from being helpful to others." If a reference to an audience should be made, it should be evident from the start of the presentation otherwise it does not make any sense to suddenly do that in the middle of the statement.
OP vidiaenxi 1 / 1  
Sep 10, 2018   #3
Thank you for your advice, I will try to write it again.

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