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Need help with the grammar of some sentences from my sop


iOnerion 1 / -  
Dec 14, 2017   #1
Hi guys i am writing sop for graduate school admission. But I thought there are some confusing sentences which grammatically incorrect. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

1. Growing up in a family of allied health professionals, my favor for health sciences was inculcated. With this fondness as well as my love of mathematics, I shaped my career goal and interest towards becoming a health statistician.

2. Since December 2015, I volunteered at XXX assisting with set-up arrangements and record data.

3. With all experiences, I am fascinated with the enormous potential for developing statistical methods and tools in health sciences that is what I could see myself doing decades from now.

4.To achieve my career goal, I tried to develop my interdisciplinary knowledge especially computer science through self-study. Now I am able to grasp basic Python, Java, C++ etc. language. Additionally, in theory of biostatistics and related mathematics courses, I took calculus, linear algebra and probability for future preparation.

5.After a careful consideration, I intend to pursue a Master of Public Health in Biostatistics at XXX provides amounts of research and internship opportunities for me to gain multi-dimensional training. After learning through the curriculum and faculties' profiles and their researches, it further strengthens my desire to study at XXX.
etyu10 1 / 2  
Dec 14, 2017   #2
Hi, I am not a native English speaker though. But I would like to point out some of your grammar errors.
1) ... professionals, xxxx( The subject of this sentence should be "I" rather than " my favor" because your favor cannot grow up in a family)

2) ... sciences. That is what ...
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,686 3495  
Dec 14, 2017   #3
Mengchen , since you did not post the full paragraphs that needed to be corrected, I am not sure if the corrections that will be applied to the sentences you indicated will be totally applicable and, if it will help to enhance the paragraph or not. Anyway, here are the most accurate corrections for your sentences (with possible presentation enhancements).

1. My love for health sciences was instilled in me as a child since I grew up surrounded by health professionals. Added to my love of Mathematics, these two interests combined to shape my career goal of becoming a health statistician.

2. I have been a volunteer at XXX as a backroom assistant in charge of appointment scheduling and patient data recording since December 2015.
3. Based upon my accumulated experiences, I can safely say that my interest in developing statistical methods and health sciences tools have cemented my desire to work in the statistical health science field for decades to come.

4. I have been actively pursuing self-studies in various computer languages such as Python, Java... along with theory of ... where I also studied calculus...as part of my future preparation.

5. Pursuing my Masters of Public Health in Biostatics at XXX will allow me to undergo a balanced multi-dimensional training experience.

Like I said, these are the most accurate corrections to your sentences that can be made, without my seeing the original paragraphs. You may want to consider our professional services for a more accurate review and applicable editing work on your current paper. That would be the best way to ensure that you will be submitting a perfect essay to the reviewer.


Home / Grammar, Usage / Need help with the grammar of some sentences from my sop