Angleterre 3 / - Dec 2, 2007 #1I have a few more bits from my essay with some words in bold that sound odd. I need help fixing them.Ebay's newfound recognition (All the sudden the compnay was in the spotlight and everyone was paying attention to every move they made)Though the internet had been around for a while it gained a public face in the 1990's (Should there be a comma between while and it.The internet had been around for decades but in the 90's it became very well known to the world.)Many businesses sought to reach a wider variety of customers. (This sounds terrible)The company began to thrive "what is a better way to say thrive?)Do commas appear before 'but?' EX. Most of the events described in Jon's life seem irrelevant to Ebay but as Willamson continues to describe who Jon Lang is...( and theres a lot more after this)
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708 Dec 3, 2007 #2Greetings!I'm happy to help! (Next time, you might want to post them all in the same place, to make it easier; you can always add to your topic.)eBay's newfound [yes, great word!] recognition (All the sudden the compnay was in the spotlight and everyone was paying attention to every move they made - I know this isn't part of your essay, but this is a pet peeve of mine--it's "all of a sudden" ;-))Though the internet had been around for a while, it gained a public face in the 1990s - Yes, I think a comma is better there, though reasonable minds could differ on that.Many businesses sought to reach a wider variety of customers. - No, no, it sounds perfect! Don't overthink it too much! :-)The company began to thrive - I think thrive is a great word here; it's much more colorful than "grow" or "get bigger" would be.Most of the events described in Jon's life seem irrelevant to eBay, but as Willamson continues - I think you can get by with one comma here.I hope this helps!Thanks,Sarah, EssayForum.com
