Hey guys Thank you for reading this! Because of many reasons I've decided to homeschool for my senior year. I apply for a college in United States and a self explaining document for my background is necessary. English, however, is not my first language, thus I hope you can help me look at this. For example I welcome suggestions on the format, sentence structures. And I don't know if this overall is apropriate for the admission office, I've tried to be objective.Thank you very much! I really appreciate it.
Why Distant School
* This examination is here to explain why I choose Forest Trail Academy, a distant private school located in Florida over a private school in a remote area of China.
I believe that I have made the right choice and I'm happy being what I am now. I have given full consideration and anticipation before I left Dlian Maple Leaf International School.
A. I evaluated the value of both institutions.
Objectively, Dalian Maple Leaf International School is one of the most prestigious highschool in mainland China. It is one of the first international school collaborating with a North American Country in China.
However, this school now has a population of 800 per grade, which makes it more like a public school.
Forest Trail Academy is also an awarded and accredited distant private school. However,I did not knew about it untill 2009.
My parents are both teachers of one of the best University, Shandong University- Weihai Campus. We live on the campus.
I have been attending University symposiums before high school.
B. I knew that I am qualified for college level work if only I can master the work of high school.
In my two years of study in DMLIS, I have achieved the entrance of Zhouenlai Class, AKA the only honor class in the entire school.
I have also achieve the entrance of the International Class which was a chance of attending an accelerated class for students whose native language is English. My entrance was an exception because English was not my first language.
*Less than 10 people have ever achieved of being admitted into both classes.
C.
A year of tuition fee in DMLIS costs approximately 46,000 RMB where Forest Trail Academy costs less than 17,000 RMB.
I understand that my parents have sacrificed a lot both financially and emotionally sending me to an expensive distant boarding school. I also understand that to save some money now can help reduce the huge pressure of my family and gain a better entrance opportunity to any college with a need-based financial aid plan.
Looking forward to participating in a more rigorous class which is cheaper and doing college level work for free, I finally decided to leave the international school.
D.Safety Concerns
Health concern was a problem for many students of my previous institution, Dalian Maple Leaf International School, a boarding school in a remote area of rural China.
In 2009, DMLIS has officially divided itself into two campuses (boys' and girls'), which was something the school has never done before. To me it means that there is no experience generated guarantee in the follwing year's education. Because it has a history of not telling the junior grade students' parents that the junior grade is not co-ed anymore until the school day begins last year, I figured that the decision of the official split is not a good one either.
*The following comes as an aftermath but also a proof of my correct anticipation.
These facts has been reported to "315" , a Chinese official Consumer Protection Compliant institution by a student's family:1, On the second day of the school year 2009-2010, the girl's campus had a big fire due to the poor construction. 2, In the newly built girl's campus there is still construcion emission remaining. Several students were poisoned but were told by the school not to release this information. A student who knew this asked a lawyer to post this information on "315" website via legal procedure.
Above considerations explain why I chose distant school.
Luby Meng
I'd go less with a list format and more with complete paragraphs throughout. Beyond that, I'm confused. You say
I've decided to homeschool for my senior year.
but the essay is all about why you are attending one private school over another, which has nothing to do with homeschooling as far as I can tell.
It's a distant private school. I'm going to a distant school only in my senior year, and it's still homeschooling. So choosing the DISTANT private school over my previous private school explains why did I choose homeschool. In college admission it requires a "document" so I don't know if an essay composed of paragraphs is apropriate. If you are sure that paragraphs are better than ABC points I will certainly change them. Thank you
Oh. I see what you mean. You mean a distance learning private school. A distant private school is merely one that is located far away from where you are now, and Florida is indeed fairly far away from China. It does not imply that you will be learning from home over the Internet. But yes, I would use paragraphs for the document. You can still keep the different headings, but the material under them should probably be written in grammatically correct, coherent paragraphs.
Thank You Sean, it's really helpful. I realize that an essay would be better
Feel free to post the new draft here for more feedback.
Thank you Sean! I have written my list into an essay. Now... I'm having a little problem editting #1 because I couldn't find the "edit" button. I'm going to post my new essay right here and I'll organzie the thread when I figure out how to edit #1 :D
For this essay any suggestion is welcomed lol
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Why Distant School
To whom it may concern:
I am writing this essay to explain why I am attending Forest Trail Academy, a distant school for my senior year. Dalian Maple Leaf International School was my high school until the academic year of 2009-2010. My decision was based on acedemic interest, financial situation and state response.
First of all, I would stress that I have absorbed as much as I could in Dalian Maple Leaf International School. As a student, I have always treated my teachers and peers with respect and have never been charged because of a violation of disciplinary. However, I didn't find school's curriculum satisfactory. My family live on a key college's campus, and I felt that I could take full advantage of it and do more challenging work on the campus. For example, one of my interests is International Relations. Compared to a typical class composed of reading outdated history textbook over and over again, a live speech from an ambassador is more appealing to me. In fact, because the college campus has a special program called the ambassador forum,I get to attend symposiums of many accomplished ambassadors and engage myself asking question directly to them and acquire the most updated knowledge. Besides activities relating to international relations, I also participate as a lab assistant in a graduate class, studying biology (mircro-organism), my favorite science subject. In addition, I used to play as a member in girl's soccer club in my previous high school, now I'm recruited in the college's badminton team. Lastly, because I'm enrolled in a distant school, I am also taking eight honor courses so I can definitely say that I didn't give up anything.
Secondly, financial situation was also a factor for me to enroll in Forest Trail Academy instead of continuing in Dalian Maple Leaf International School. A cumulative amount of fees per year in DMLIS is 50,000RMB,approximately 7,000USD which is a huge burden for my family. Knowing that I can learn more and also affordably in ShandongUniversity and Forest Trail Academy, my family has decided to save half of that tuition fee to pay for my college education.
Lastly, state response was also a reason of my choice of distant schooling. At the end of acedmic year 2008-2009, the head of DMLIS has decided to split it up the school to girls and boys campuses separately. It was rather a rush decision for me given the fact that the school didn't ask for parents' opinion, and it's something that has first been done in the school's history. Moreover, a fire in September in the girl campus and a few construction poison incidents in the new campus aroused my safety concern. Considering these facts, I have decided not to return to the divided school.
To conclude, I understand that I have an unusual educational background. It's true that in my life, I have attended public regular school, Foreign Language School, Private International school and Distant School. In contrast of thinking it might be a downside for me, I would like to think that my background is meaningful because my experience can be valuable to offer.
