The instructions for this essay are to basically share why you are interested in joining the Peace Corps- I'm looking for some feedback mainly on the content of it (not as much grammatical errors). Thanks!!
We all, as people of this world, look up at the same stars every night and at the same sun every day, but our cultures and daily routines can be so different. Being able to immerse yourself in someone else's life allows you to see the stars in their eyes. The Peace Corps is just one way to do this. I have been working on my Peace Corps application now for two years and am finally sure that this is the time for me to go. Reading the journals and blogs of current volunteers is not enough anymore; I am ready for my own adventure. Being able to become part of another culture and community so different from my own is incredibly exciting. PC is a way to bring your own skills and ideas to a new community and integrate them in a way that your new neighbors feel are needed. It is a way for you to learn new skills, languages and more about yourself, personally and professionally. There are a few things that I already know about myself that I believe will allow me to succeed with the PC. Cubicles make me claustrophobic; I enjoy working directly with people. I am comfortable and flexible with change, including cultural differences, new ways of preparing foods, lack of toilets and whatever else may come my way. With this all being said, I still believe that the PC in general is a challenging program to complete. Being in a remote location with no connection to a phone, snail mail or internet would be very interesting and I am sure would make my mom extremely nervous. While I may become my term lonely, I believe that I will find my place in my new community very quickly.
In terms of content, I do not quite see your material as particularly convicing.
Your examples and statements are fairly abstract and general, rather than concrete and personal.
My two cents.
I definitely agree. This was something that I was worried about while writing- it sounds more like a high school and college essay about the Peace Corps than why they should accept me.
Thanks so much for your feedback!
We all, as people of this world, look up at the same stars every night and at the same sun every day, but our cultures and daily routines can be so different. --- I like this part.
Being able to immerse yourself in someone else's life allows enables you to see the stars through their eyes.
The Peace Corps is just one way to do this. Unnecessary.
Hey, I really like this essay! I see the point about the stuff being abstract... and it is a little cliche to talk about "we all see same stars" (I saw that on a cartoon disney movie about a mouse, Fival or whatever...)
But still, it has strength to it. This is powerful:
I have been working on my Peace Corps application now for two years and am finally sure that this is the time for me to go. Reading the journals and blogs of current volunteers is not enough anymore; I am ready... It's powerful material, because it captures this image of you working on the ap and reading blogs... there is something perfect about that part.
Use paragraphs. Make every paragraph about a distinct idea that is expressed in the paragraph's topic sentence.
:-)
