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Essay on how you work with peers in math


jonsharkfin 2 / -  
Nov 1, 2010   #1
Title says it all. Please take time to give feedback. Thanks

Here it is:

Henry David Thoreau once said, "Things do not change; we change." Like animals, our human nature constantly adapts to the people and atmosphere surrounding us. Nothing will change to fit us. Nonetheless, we must change to fit others and our environment. Every day, people around the world encounter new situations they need to deal with. They must be like a puzzle piece and accommodate the situation in order to overcome it. In classes at school, whether it is math class or science class, I must work with others and shape myself to work at the best of my ability.

At one point in my life, I was oblivious to the beauty of math. With that, obviously, there was no way to unlock my potential. However, after getting on the wait list when applying to Takoma Park MS, I knew I needed to change how I work. I then worked to appreciate mathematics and relish opportunities to share and discuss with peers. When we discuss, we draw in more people. Recruiting more people forms a bond and we build academic and social relationships. In and out of school, talking about math boosts our mentality towards the subject. Each one of us learns to appreciate the qualities of mathematics. Math is precise with only one right answer. While being precise not only helps us in math, but in every aspect of life. Precision influences how we act and how we accomplish things. If math is precise and we influence each other, then gradually we will obtain a considerable level of knowledge and core values. Furthermore, working with imaginary numbers and radicals may seem hard, but when we encourage each other and do the best of our ability, the outcomes are endless. People may think if one is smarter, their outcomes are better. Although they are smarter, if they do not work hard and build strong relationships, other people will surpass them.

As much as I love working with peers, when it comes to research, my natural nature is to work alone. Thus, it is my responsibility to change, it is my attitude I need to change, and it is myself I need to change. In the seventh grade biology unit, when someone would want to work with me, I would refuse. A barrier blocked me from the real world and trapped me in my own biology world. Besides math, biology is like a first love. My fascination with the liver interested me the most. However, if I only work alone, I cannot share my knowledge and findings with anyone else. Hence, they cannot share anything with me either. In a lab, I must work with others and never by myself. Naturally, in labs, I love to work with others. Since each person has a different hypothesis and different reasoning behind each thought, each person understands what the other thinks. I am a person that loves to debate and absorb reasoning to support my claim. Accordingly, when doing labs with others, I try to heat up a discussion or debate about each other's claims. This way, each of us obtains more from the lab than those who just complete the lab. I am a person that thinks out of the box. I cannot hold in my thoughts but let it out in the form of a discussion. In this year and years to come, I plan to modify myself to work well in a group and alone.

Nothing will change for me; nothing will change for me. I keep thinking about this phrase repeatedly. In reality, nothing will change for me; I must change myself. A stubborn person who wants everything to change for him does not work as efficiently as an adaptive person does. In the winter, the birds must adapt to the climate change. The stubborn bird must endure a long, harsh winter. Therefore, whether you are working with peers or doing anything, you must be proactive and adaptive, not reactive and stubborn.
ershad193 14 / 333 5  
Nov 6, 2010   #2
I think your first paragraph has too many sentences which are irrelevant to the context. You could have used an example to demonstrate that you can adapt to your surrounding environment. Right now it seems as if you are describing the importance of adaptability on a general basis.

With that, obviously, there was no way to unlock my potential.

This sentence is not necessary.

The second paragraph can also be condensed. That will give you room to talk about some other things that you think will give weight to your essay.

If math is precise and we influence each other, then gradually we will obtain a considerable level of knowledge and core values.

I'm sorry, but I don't see the logic behind this statement.

My fascination with the liver interested me the most.

Another unnecessary sentence.

I am a person that thinks out of the box

Don't make claims which you don't substantiate. Use examples to show your qualities.

The conclusion suffers from the same problem as the introduction.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 11, 2010   #3
In classes at school, whether it is math class or science class, I must work with others and shape myself to work at the best of my ability.

Above, I got rid of some unnecessary words.

I think you should change the last sentence of the first paragraph so that it does a better job of expressing that theme -- change to adapt circumstances, and circumstances include the others with whom we work.

I keep thinking about this phrase repeatedly. ----This is good, but it would be even better to think, "I can change things with my focused effort."

:-)


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