Why I want to be a doctor and what are my skills/accomplishments.

From the moment I was able to comprehend what words meant, becoming a surgeon turned out to be my aspiration. As I grew up, my passion for bio-medicine grew with me. Since I have entered High School, I have begun to focus on my goal of becoming a neurosurgeon. My English was not perfect, and it has been an obstacle, however, my motivation and discipline has encouraged me to take challenging classes and be involved in different programs that would help me to see the real world and solve human problems. I believe that my enthusiasm for medicine, hard work, and previous experiences in this field would make me a good candidate for your internship position.

Currently I am a sophomore with a grade point average of 4.0. I am naturally a very competitive person.Usually I cannot help my tendency to want to overachieve. I have taken Health, Biology, First Aid/CPR, and Psychology classes at my school, which helped expand my knowledge of the medical world. In my Psychology class this year I studied the structure of the brain and neuroscience, which made me think deeper about what kind of surgeon I want to be. Taking this class I have had a chance to look at the human brain and learn about its structure, and function, as well as consequences of damage to the brain. My biggest project in this class was to write a six-page research paper about epilepsy and interview a doctor who worked in the area of neuroscience. My psychology teacher as an example has kept my research paper about epilepsy for other students. At Oregon Health and Science University, I interviewed a pediatric neurologist who showed me pictures that were taken by MRI machines of the children who had epilepsy. Through this experience, I developed even more interest in becoming a neurosurgeon. Along with my project I gained experience to work independently by requesting interviews, which strengthened my communication skills. In the next two years, I intend to take Anatomy and Physiology, as well as Physics which will also help me prepare.

Alongside my academic goals, I am an active person and I appreciate social activities and interacting with people. I enjoy going to swimming lessons, playing piano, reading, watching surgical movies, and volunteering as an interpreter in Farsi, Uzbek, Russian, as well as Turkish. One of my best experiences in a medical field was when I volunteered at Adventist Medical Center last summer. As a volunteer I assisted patients by reading to them and serving meals. Although, my tasks were simple, they helped make me a more responsible individual. Last year I also volunteered almost 50 hours at Free Geek, where I took apart computers to be rebuilt, and I became comfortable using Microsoft Word, Excel, Spreadsheet, PowerPoint, Publisher, and Illustrator. Currently, I volunteer for three days per week at Menlo Park Health Care, where I get a chance to help elderly people by reading to them, picking up the trays of food, and come up with interesting activities. In return, of being involved in my community and helping others, I am given a chance to understand the world of medicine, practice my communication skills, as well become more mature and responsible.

As a member of an Upward Bound Program, Multnomah Teen Counseling, Youth Advisory Counseling, and the Science Club I gained many experiences. From Upward Bound and the Science club I won several awards for projects in Biology, Science, Art, and Mathematics. Currently I am a leader of the Youth Advisory Counseling where I work for my team by producing public materials such as fliers, posters; and I communicate with other Y.A.C. members about improving teens' lifestyles. As a leader of a team, part of my job this year was to prepare a presentation and present it to the Y.A.C. mentors in hopes of getting money donated from Oregon State to our program. Our team received $2000 donations! In essence of being involved in programs I experienced both the rewards I hope to gain and the challenges I expect to face as a doctor.

^Very cliched starter. Capable of boring a reader immediately.


^You make a claim of a passion that supposedly grew. Nothing that proceeds your claim does anything to support it.
If you make such a grand claim, its always good to support it. Otherwise, it just stands as a claim.


^Again, more claims. What proof do you have that you are very competitive, and have a tendency to overachieve? Is this just in your opinion, or is there a way of actually proving that you actually have these qualities? If it is the former, you are doing little to promote your modesty.


^How are you an active person and appreciate social activities? Playing piano, reading, and watching movies are not necessarily social activities. And going to a swimming lesson is different from swimming as a means of competitive/physical activity.

Ill just leave it at there. You appear to be very academic, which is great. But you make claims that need to be supported.
It is like me saying that my father invented the question mark. (Stole the joke off Austin Powers, yes).
As far as it stands, it is just a claim that my father invented the question mark. No one cares. People would rather be presented with proof that my father invented the question mark. Hope you get my point

Good luck dude

...what the words meant, becoming a surgeon turned out to be has been my aspiration. ---I added the word "the" to make it clearer... from the moment you found out what words meant... that makes little sense. But "the words" indicates that you mean "becoming a surgeon."

Streamline! Make it efficient:
Since I have entered High School high school, I have begun to focused on my goal of becoming a neurosurgeon.

My English was not perfect, and it has been an obstacle; however, my motivation and discipline has have encouraged me to ...

I am naturally a very competitive person.----It would be better if you had a better motivation... like the desire to improve the practice of medicine.

... interviewed a pediatric neurologist who showed me pictures that were taken by MRI machines of the children who had epilepsy. Through this experience, I developed even more interest in becoming a neurosurgeon. Along with my project I gained experience to work independently by...This is all very very good. I crossed out the sentence that stated the obvious, though. If it is not necessary, don't include it. That is how to write well.

I can tell you are very serious. They will accept you! So, don't worry. But don't be too competitive, either! That is not really a virtue. Commitment to the field is a better motivator. ;-)

Thanks for your help EF_Kevin.