"Interested in medicine" - Personal Statement: your reasons for applying to course

Please help with this, i have the application due soon and any advice would more than appreciated. THANKS!(:

Oh and the word limit on this is 300-400 and i am past that by at least 200 words. So if anyone can help me deal with that, i would appreciate it. thank you.

Hi everybody, CAN YOU PLEASE HELP OUT ON THIS ONE. Any suggestions on anything, will be more than appreciated. Second, the length is too loong, its suppose to be 300-400 words. HELP!(: thanks

When I was seven, I told my grandfather that I was going to be a baby doctor and that dream has never faded. But more importantly, I have a passion for helping those in need of help and alleviating the suffering that people endure, especially kids. Children and babies are the most helpless beings, and it is my desire to keep them healthy and safe. Also, I have always been interested in how beautiful and intricate the human body is and how amazing it would be to heal it.

I can recall back to two moments when my interest intensified. The first moment came in 7th grade when I was attending Rosslyn Academy, an American international school in Kenya. I was given the chance to take part in a service project that included going to the slums and distributing medical supplies to people. What I observed here changed my perspective in a very positive direction. In a "town" of more than five thousand people, there was one doctor and one nurse responsible for all those people. To add to this, the "hospital" he operated from was a one room shack and he didn't have the financial capability to obtain necessary everyday medical supplies. As a result, I learned that children died everyday from preventable diseases such as the common cold. This experience impelled me to learn more about medicine as well as the business aspect of it. In simple terms, I wanted to help these people.

As time went on, I continued to volunteer as many times as I could. I volunteered with orphanages and "street children". After my year there, I had to go back to my home in the U.S. At the time, I saw this move as unfortunate but it turned out to have a greater impact to who I am today and allowed me to continue helping people in need. With the new perspective, I was able to start my own projects, including the Haiti Relief Project, in which I used my photography to raise money for Petits Anges De Chantal.

After I returned from Kenya, I had to go for a regular medical check up to our family physician that I admired and esteemed greatly. Dr. Katherine and I have a casual relationship, so it was inevitable that I would tell her about my experiences in Kenya. After I finished my story, I asked, "Dr. Katherine?" She replied, "Yes dear?" I continued, "What's your favorite part of being a physician?" She didn't answer my questions directly as usual. She said, "I have always loved working with people. Being able to help people heal is the true reward in my job." What she said next has always stuck with me. She said, "I don't do it for the salary, I do it to see you smile, to see all my patients healthy and happy." This opened up a new door of thinking for me, because I had always been bombarded with the philosophy that money is the measure of your success. But here she was, telling me about how she spends most of her money to provide medical assistance to people who need it.

^Remove all of this, and mention how you are interested in Medicine in a few words.


^Remove


^I dont understand how wanting to know that is simply wanting to help people; remove first sentence


^Too cliched and generalized, therefore you can remove seeing as how you are past the word limit (otherwise, I would have suggested an elaboration)


^should read 'xx and I'. Remove the 'impelling' adjective.
Just say, I asked 'Dr.Katherine?'


^replace with 'she said'.


^Remove


^Seeing as how you mentioned in your opening sentence that you never took medicine seriously, find a way to rephrase this. Alternatively, you can remove this point completely.


^Chemistry classes to help understand people better?

EDIT: Good luck Pete

Hi Leibe,
Thank you so much for the help. I really appreciate it, i have made a few adjustments and i was wondering if you could take a look at it again? (: And maybe you can give more advise on what i should take out...?

thanks.

Maybe you should put it in " " marks so that the reader understands that it's what you called pediatricians when you were seven.

When I was seven, I told my grandfather that I was going to be a "baby doctor," and that dream has...

This is a great story! How about adding an intellectual dimension to it, though: a concept or treatment method that fascinates you, a particular kind of malady you want to specialize in treating, or some other concept that makes you stay up all night reading because it is so interesting. What are your special interests in "baby" medicine? :-) Can you recommend any interesting medical journal articles?