I am doing the common application essays but doing essays is not my best ability. In this case I rewrote the essay twice and so far looks decent. I would love some feedback on this one. I dont mind if you are really harsh or if I have to rewrite it again. I am determined to write good essays.
The topic of my essay should be: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
Being different and wanting more equality
I am surprised about how people can be so intolerant of other human beings. With this I refer to the LGBT group which I have been part of for a couple of years. Accepting myself took some effort, but in the end it lead me to think that intolerance doesn't make sense in the first place. Accepting oneself and not accepting others is essentially the use double standards. It makes the position senseless and leads to the suffering of others.
While growing up I became aware of the difficulties that minorities must face. Getting to terms to who I am was only part of the problem. The other, and more difficult, part means the acceptance of society. Coming from a society that underrepresents LGBT issues tells the difference really well. But making society an acknowledging and tolerating one requires a mental and cultural change.
In my society religion plays an important role in it; so much that change becomes difficult to accept. Ideas or behaviors that move away from the comfort zone get interpreted as bad. Or at least the religion dictates that. But not everything is lost. Times change, so do people and I hope this happens to my society as well. Traditions must adapt according to the new ways in which societies develop.
For this change to take place we require knowledge. The deepest problem for intolerance stems from the lack of information. The people need to know. Misconceptions become the enemy of being different. That is the reason for certain groups forming around the world. During my time living in Mexico I tried joining one of those groups but there wasn't one close to me or enough people willing to create one. I want to inform people and I won't give up trying to achieve that. Nonetheless the great truth remains that all those differences are superficial.
In the end I am no different from anyone else who has dreams, problems, necessities and wishes. Like everyone else my desire is to have a happy and fulfilling life. The good news about all of this is that there exist people who support and love me no matter what. Those people are family and friends.
I am trying to discuss, focus close to home, not lecturing, showing the importance to me and show that I am a good choice for college.
P.S I hope I wrote a good subject.
LGBT is a rather controversial issue. Are you sure you want to write about it? It may upset some readers, and that is quite risky in my opinion.
Just my thoughts however. Perhaps a moderator will disagree with me on this one though, but if you do feel passionate about the topic, then it should be alright. That doesnt necessarily reduce the controversy of the topic however.
I know its controversial(it shouldnt be) but its really important to me and seemed like the best option I could think of for the topic of the essay. Besides what I am talking about I would like to know if I am doing a good job at it. Thank you for your comment.
I did a couple of fixes after the feedback from a friend. But I still need to know if the essay is good for the writing part of common application.
Being Different and Wanting More Equality
I am surprised about how people can be so intolerant of other human beings. With this,
I refer to the LGBT group, which I have been part of for a couple of years. Accepting
myself took some effort, but in the end it led me to think that intolerance doesn't make
sense in the first place. Accepting oneself and not accepting others is essentially the use
double standards. It makes the position senseless and leads to the suffering of others.
While growing up I became aware of the problems that minorities must face. Getting
to terms to who I am was only part of the problem. The other, and more difficult, part
means acceptance by society. Coming from a society that under-represents LGBT issues
clarifies the difference really well. But making it an acknowledging and tolerating one
requires a mental and cultural change.
In my society, religion plays an important role in it, so much that change becomes
difficult to accept. Ideas or behaviors that move away from the comfort zone get
interpreted as bad, (or at least the religion dictates that) but not everything is lost. Times
change, so do people, and I hope this happens to my society as well. Traditions must
adapt according to the new ways in which societies develop.
For this change to take place we require knowledge. The deepest problem for intolerance
stems from the lack of information. The people need to know. Misconceptions become
the enemy of being different. That is the reason for certain organization of groups
forming around the world. During my time living in Mexico I tried joining one of those
groups but there wasn't one close to me or enough people willing to create one. I want
to inform people and I won't give up trying to achieve that. Nonetheless the great truth
remains that all those differences are superficial.
In the end I am no different from anyone else who has dreams, problems, necessities
and wishes. Like everyone else my desire is to have a happy and fulfilling life. The good
news about all of this is that there exist people who support and love me no matter what.
Those people are family and friends.
