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'the ins and outs of cars' - Mechanical Engineering UofT


jasonty9 2 / 3  
Dec 3, 2011   #1
What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?
(Maximum 3000 characters including spaces NOT 3000 WORDS)

Ever since I was a child, I've always wanted to be a mechanical engineer. I've always wanted to know the ins and outs of cars, how are they operate and what makes this vehicle runs faster than the next one. I believe that without proper education, I will not be able to achieve my dreams of being an excellent mechanical engineer; therefore I want to be able to sustain myself and become more independent throughout my future years in the University of Toronto.

In order to study in the University of Toronto, I am willing to do my best to obtain this opportunity. I am an ambitious and responsible high school student who wants to succeed in all aspects of life. Along with my pursuit of a higher level of education, I also participated in many extracurricular activities, through which I have developed many essential transferable skills. My interpersonal and communication skills are enhanced through being a scheduled volunteer in the Falsecreek Community Centre. I offer assistance and companionship to many seniors with disabilities, such as telling stories and outdoor exercising. Moreover, my time management skill has been improved through musical activities. I was a member of the choir team at school. I also played a leading role in my school's Computer Assembly Club. I learned to manage my time wisely to balance between studies my own interests of engineering. In addition, I have made a huge progress in my ability to work independently and in a team throughout my experiences of serving as a info assistant during the events of Canada Day and BC day in Granville Island for two years. These activities helped me to gain valuable experience and developed many important skills that will help my success as both a student and an engineer.

In order to unlock my true potential and achieve my aim of becoming a mechanical engineer, I must be equipped with the appropriate knowledge and experience. I believe that the University of Toronto is the ideal place for me to develop the skills and knowledge that would aid me in becoming a successful engineer. The University of Toronto is the foremost engineering institution in Canada and I think that it is the perfect place for me to pursue my passion. I am drawn not only by the fact that the university is incorporated into the bustling metropolitan of Toronto, but also by the impressive and highly successful and successive alumni and faculty. thus, I am confident that the University of Toronto will help me grow intellectually and emotionally. Moreover, my academic interests and passions convince me that the University of Toronto is the best step towards my dream.

Thank you all who are willing to give a little beam of brightness in my life at this moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And may god bless you all!
wyqxyp 1 / 2  
Dec 4, 2011   #2
1.you need a conclusion paragraph.2."ins and outs" is too causal3.get rid of those fancy meaningless sentences like "through which I have developed many essential transferable skills. My interpersonal and communication skills are enhanced through being"4."unlock my true potential" is a cliche.
Nelly123 - / 2  
Dec 7, 2011   #3
I think that almost all the U o T engineering admission essays began with, "Ever since I was a child..." try rephrasing.and I feel that your first para needs to sound more enthusiastic
wyqxyp 1 / 2  
Dec 11, 2011   #4
oh yeah you shouldnt say to be more independent. you are supposed to be independent before youvgo to niversity right?
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Dec 11, 2011   #5
I would ask u to just specify in which stream u wanna pursue ur career in? Mechanical engg is a vast vast vast field and u shud be more specific..dont say u wanna just know abt cars? U know even on a car, there r a number of mechanical engineers who work on it- Design, production, simulation etc..

- Use a little more engineering specific words. Your SOP seems good but too generalized. You need to get more specific. You dont need to really say since childhood blah blah blah...

- Also mention the few names of people in this sector who impress you and have a big reputation.

I hope it helps.

Gud luck
fatpurple - / 1  
Dec 30, 2011   #6
How to make your essay better: don't copy excerpts from other people's work. They have software that check for duplicate sentences
anita123 3 / 6  
Jan 24, 2012   #7
"Ever since I was a child" and " In order..." most of it is repeating itself, so just try another way to phrase it. Also add specific examples to why you want to become an engineer such as why do you like cars ? Is it the motors, the speed, the design ?

Also, just dont copy other people's essay's. The people at UofT will surely check for plagerism.


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