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My involvement in theater - Acting was officially my new hobby. UC transfer essay


Wildtalon 1 / 5  
Nov 20, 2008   #1
I would love some feedback. This isn't done, I just wanted to see what people thought so far.
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What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

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The official start of my involvement in theater began in the second grade when I was cast to sing a solo in a play put on by the 6th grade class. I was vaguely aware that this was unusual, but when it lead to more second graders taking on larger roles my worry went away. I didn't realize it then, as I doubt many second graders would, but I had found my element. Being teased by other boys for playing too good of a lion just didn't get to me the way other insults might. I lived my junior high school years like Clark Kent; painfully bashful. On stage though, I was Superman. I became something else entirely. Performance became something more than an element to exist in. It became my hobby, something to work at; something to strive to become more skilled in. Summer stock productions directed by young graduates gave me a whole new perspective on theater. I could see their passion, and found my own. In high school I was taken under the wing of an alum of Second City Improv and The Groundlings. He formed a young Improv troupe for the school; and I was never the same. My mind opened up in an indescribable way. Not only was practice fun, not only were our performances rewarding, not only were our championships in competition satisfying, but I gained an immense amount of self confidence. Theater had always been my special means of release. When life had given me troubles the stage was where I went to let everything go. But after being on the troupe a stage was no longer a space reserved for outbursts of bottled up feeling. It became a place where I could look into my heart, and those of others. It became a clay to mold instead of a place to exist in.

I have grown from my experience in theater in invaluable ways. More important than learning how to address an audience or deliver a joke, I have learned to listen. To both what is inside of myself and what others are trying to communicate. To examine and reflect on the feelings that all of us have in common. I have gained the courage to bear myself to others, and the strength to stick with impromptu decisions to the very end. I have learned to inspire myself in the shortest of moments to do what must be done to succeed, and I have gained the determination to start over again in the face of humiliating failure. Theater is my major because to me acting is an art of compassion. Its' purpose; to sympathize with the human condition. I have never been more curious than when studying theater, and curiosity is something you gain from all of your life. Hobby, passion, path. Nothing makes me quite as happy.

Sorry about the paragraphs messing up! It's tidy in my window but when I previewed my post it was all blocky.

I feel like I need to story book it up. All the example essay's I have read start in the first person in the middle of some action sequence. Do I need a better catch at the beginning? Is it too bland and list like?
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 21, 2008   #2
Good afternoon :)

This is a good foundation to start with; you know what experiences you want to use in the piece. Perhaps instead of going through and describing each event at length, you can include all of the experiences in one brief paragraph, and then spend the rest of the essay discussing the focal point-what you have gained through these experiences. That is the main point of your essay; how you have changed as a person because of the experiences, not the experiences themselves. Therefore, you want to spend as much time as possible discussing the effects rather than the events.

I hope this helps!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP Wildtalon 1 / 5  
Nov 27, 2008   #4
Here is a revised version. Am I moving this in the right direction? Please feel free to be as blunt as you like. It helps!

Thanks again!
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 27, 2008   #5
Good morning :)

Very much improved! Great work! A few mechanical suggestions. First, avoid using contractions in formal academic writing; therefore, "didn't" should be "did not." Check for other contractions in the piece as well.

Avoid beginning your sentences with transitory/conjunctive words such as "but," "so," or "and."

Avoid using the pronoun "you" in formal academic writing; try using "me," "I," or "one" instead.

I think the focus of this piece is much better than your first draft. The flow is smoother and you are more focused overall. Great job!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP Wildtalon 1 / 5  
Nov 27, 2008   #6
Thanks again! Happy thanksgiving.
OP Wildtalon 1 / 5  
Nov 29, 2008   #7
Oh I have a question.

I' am unclear about the formatting rules for the web application. Do they want there to be no indented paragraphs once the text is pasted onto the application?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 29, 2008   #8
Oh, I believe you are right for particular forum...Instead of indenting, I leave a space in between the paragraphs.

Thanks!!

Kevin
OP Wildtalon 1 / 5  
Nov 29, 2008   #9
I have another question!

Does the 1000 word limit apply only to essay prompts 1 and 2 ?

With the 3rd prompt I have about 1100 words.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 30, 2008   #10
I think you must be directing this question to other people who are applying to this school, is that right? I don't know about that school's application process...
aljashamy 1 / 4  
Nov 30, 2008   #11
The 1000 word limit only applies to the 1st and 2nd prompt.

The 3rd prompt is an open ended question and it is not summed with the other two prompt for the word limit count. But, it is advised that you keep the 3rd prompt below 150 words or so (it really depends on your case). [UC application workshop]

Saif


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