The words in brackets [ ] are words that I am looking for replacements for. I cannot seem to pinpoint the most accurate word to describe what I am looking forrrr... but just ignore them! haha or offer suggestions for them if you'd like! thanks! :))
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.
I am in love with the color red. From my venetian backpack to my ruby binder and matching notebook, from my flaming hot Cheetos(unhealthy, I know) to my scarlet paisley bed set, its many shades [encompass] my life. Please disregard the cliché association between love and red, because that is not why the scarlets, tuscans, and chestnuts appeal to me. Actually, in the past, I accredited my love for red to my rich Hispanic heritage. It did, after all, bless me with the bronzed skin that illuminates the lowest frequency of light so well. My insight on the matter, however, has changed.
Just the other day, my mother told me how I begged my uncle for bright red boots as a child. This story would [support] my previous claim, but he is my mother's uncle - a southern, Native American man reared in the mountains. If my love for red has influences from both sides of my heritage, then perhaps it is more than a shade to compliment my [brown] eyes and flowing locks. Perhaps it is my [centrifuge].
Red represents a multitude of aspects in my life. It is my past as a woman of Spanish, Italian, and BlackFoot Indian background. It is my present as a representative of the red and black, the Hibriten Panthers. It is, hopefully, my future as a Cardinal scholar. Red ties together the tornado that is me. It reigns in my passion for exploring the difficult to explain as opposed to the difficult to accomplish. If my crimson red Chuck Taylor's and my chili pepper red laptop doesn't prove too much, I look forward to our upcoming years as roommates!
why the brackets?
EDIT!
so sorry... I didnt read the first line... :(
I think you need to have a little introduction, rather than launching into "I love the color, red." Something of a greeting to your roommate and introducing yourself (e.g. name, birthplace, etc)
haha its cool! i just edited it because I accidently hit post too soon! any feedback? I feel like its missing something
@Desi, after seeing other postings, I realize I need an intro. At first, I read the prompt as a response type as opposed to actual letter. Thanks :))
I think it's a great idea, and like DesiGirl said, it does need an intro. I'm stumped about the rest though, because I look at other responses to the question, and they show multifaceted/multi-interested students, but the question only .asks the writer to "reveal something" which is what you did. If you feel like this clearly represents you, I'd go ahead with it, because it does anser the question in a unique way.
I think this essay is unique, but to be completely honest, if I were assigned to be your roommate and got this letter, I would think, okay, why are they telling me so much about a color. I do like what it says about your heritage, but I wish it would have a few more personal elements letting me know what I'm actually getting myself into by rooming with you rather than just background on your family. Just a thought.
Thanks guys!
I noticed with other people's responses that mine only addresses one interest, but I am still not sure if I should alter the substance, because the AO will see myinterests through my resume and common app. However, maybe they are using this prompt as a way to see which were most important to us? hmmm, puzzling. haha @ Alayna, I completely agree. If i got this is a legit letter, I would be like, okay, this tells me nothing about my roomate! Buttt, the admissions already know that i love soccer, and cheering, and debate, and blah blah blah, maybe I'll mention random tidbits such as my favorite meal (sushi?) or that i like to sew? orrr idk. thanks for the input!!! :))
Your essay from what I can see is free of grammar mistakes. I like what you tried to do, but I agree with Alayna - try to focus more on specific personality traits that your roommate would like to know about you. All in all, it's a very creative approach.
