Could you please critique my statement and make any suggestions that you believe will enhance it? Thank you in advance.
Please include a short statement addressing why you are applying to Texas Lutheran University and what you hope to obtain from your education.
If you were to ask one thousand high school seniors going through the college admissions process what they looked for in their search, you would receive one thousand different answers. Knowing this, the first thing that I did in my college search was develop a list of the most important qualities that I wanted in a college. After much contemplation, I found that there were three things that mattered most: 1) strong academic programs; 2) a sense of community; and 3) a location close to home. Until I visited Texas Lutheran University for the Fall Preview Day, I had not seen a school that I felt could meet all of these requirements. As I learned about the school?s values and became acquainted with the staff and students, I instantly felt like this was where I wanted to attend school for the next four years. Education is about more than learning a series of prescribed facts and figures, it is about becoming a well-rounded, sensitive person. During my college years, I hope to gain not only an education, but also life experiences that will allow me to grow spiritually and emotionally. Though I am still unsure of whether I would like to study English or Biology, I know that going to college will allow me to gain the knowledge that I will need to be successful in whatever I path I choose to take.
Nice. Concise and to the point. A weird edit: school?s. Maybe change the word instantly to something more formal like immediately. (this may just be my ear, as I used to use that word a lot, and it has come to sound middle schoolish)
thanks a bunch
pretty well written, some mistakes such as spelling punctuation and stuff... be sure to have it proof read by someone else before you submit.
also, i am not sure about the last line "Though I am still unsure of whether I would like to study English or Biology..." ---- i kinda felt that you are someone who is certain of what you want until that line, and it kinda doesn't add any significance to the prompt so it can be removed or replaced to reflect your strong certain personality (at least the one you should be conveying)
if you have time i'd appreciate it if you can critique my prompts. either case good luck!
Good evening :)
In regards to mechanics, when you are making a list such as you have the semi-colons are inappropriate. Also, make sure that you are capitalizing only proper nouns and the first words of sentences. For instance, "Biology" shouldn't be capitalized. In regards to spelling, I suggest you run the piece through Word or the Mozilla web browser for submission.
In regards to content, I like your organization. Answering prompts like this with such a restrictive word count is difficult, but I think you've done a fine job.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
