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'Santa Claus, Classmates, Monitor, Music) - Describe yourself - Creative essay


BTDTXXDY 4 / 10  
Jan 6, 2012   #1
The Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please respond to one of the following two prompts: (A) Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you. OR (B) Describe an experience you have had living or working in a diverse community. How might that experience help you to contribute to the life of a university community like Georgetown's?

Please help me correct this essay. Do not only correct the grammar, please also correct the ideas.

Any comments and suggestions are welcome. Thanks very much
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How many worlds do you have? How many YOU do you have? I have three me-s in three worlds.

Dear Santa Claus,
I want to tell you this. No matter what people say, I believe that you are real. No matter what they think, I love you and believe in you. Even if there are no gifts, you bring me the spirit.

This year, I hope that you can bring me to Wonderland, where I can be a princess wearing any beautiful clothes or having any hair styles that I want to; where I can meet the fairies and see the miracles; where animals and flowers can talk, sing and dance; where there are countless colorful, delicious cakes and candies.

Please bring me to my Wonderland so that I can see the no-ending rainbow; where all days can be day with sun shine and where all days can be nights with stars and moon.

Please bring me to the world of hope and happiness, of colors and sounds, of loves and miracles.
Thank you so much.

Dear my classmates,
Why do you only focus on our three majors? Why don't you study all 13 subjects as I am doing? You are wasting your time to narrow, not to broaden yourself. Take time to look things around you. Take time to share stories and photos. Take time to look at others' smallest change in attitudes.

But why do you have to study that hard? Have fun. I have something else to enjoy rather than to learn. Why do you leave Judo class after all? If you had joined the Camping Day, your dream would have come true, your childhood game would have turned out to reality.

Love

Dear my Monitor,
My friend, you left me in a hard condition when you suggested me to be the monitor of the class during that time.
When you ask "Can you?", I could not answer.
I could not say no because I, myself, loved your suggestion and it was my dream. However, I could not say yes in a frank way like that. I was too shy and embarrassed to admit it. I was too afraid of the responsibilities. But I chose to say yes, which was good for both of us.

Thank you for giving a chance to take the responsibilities. Thank you for making my dream came true, although I had been waiting more than 11 years.

I asked Santa Claus to bring me to Wonderland not because I don't have one. I have my imaginary world, but it is totally different from Wonderland.

Let me introduce my World of Music and Art.

The world of music is where I run into for hide, for safe, for sympathy. Music brings me the variety of life through its small part called songs. There is always a song that fits an emotion. There is always a song that brings me the feeling that I have never felt before. Music is my reflection. It let me be me, be in any moods, even it is angry, disappointed, sad or happy and excited, without any complaint. It is an advisor and a friend of mine. I always want to be lost in this world.

Art is not what I run into but it is a door opening to the world. It takes the world in its eyes, in its papers and in its sculptures. It is the mini world reflecting real life. But it is the tool to search for wonderful imaginary things. It proves to us that you can last forever when other things cannot.

I will not bring one me to Georgetown's community, but the three of me with my three worlds. I bring to you the full of my self, my energy and enthusiast.
saurabh93 11 / 94  
Jan 7, 2012   #2
Your essays are fine, but I don't really understand what you mean by the "Monitor". Any feedback on my Commonapp essay would be appreciated.


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