Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it reflect who you are?
Ever since I can remember, my mother and father have been telling me to make school my priority. In fact, not a day goes by where they do not remind me of my potential and inspire me to take advantage of the opportunities that I do have, in order to become someone great. So, when I think about my accomplishments, and try to single one out, there is only one that I am extremely proud of. That one thing is my educational success, and the reason why it stands out is because I was able to achieve it all independently.
As a first generation American, I have had no choice but to learn a lot of things on my own. My parents never attended college, so they have never been able to answer any of my questions, or give me any advice. Instead of feeling helpless, I have turned this disadvantage into something positive. I have made it my most important goal, the one that I have been striving to realize ever since my freshman year of high school. I would become the first person in my family to pursue a higher education, and I would do it in spite of any obstacles in my path.
As a result, I have always held high standards for myself. I love overcoming challenges because they make you feel like anything is possible. That is why I took Honors and Advanced Placement classes at Glendora High School, and that is also why I am currently participating in the Scholars Program at Pasadena City College. To me, the extra work is all worth it. I take leadership positions at school and at home because it comes easy to me and it feels the most natural. For example, I am currently the president of the Students for Women's Equal Rights club and I would not have it any other way. I enjoy taking charge, and the club's purpose, which is to educate others on current issues that revolve around gender equality, is more than enough motivation for me to become deeply involved. Not everyone is cut out to be a leader, but I know that it is a quality that I possess. Thus, I am thankful for being put in a situation where I am forced to depend solely on myself and not others for help.
So what is my most important personal quality? Taking initiative. Taking complete advantage of my inner-strength and desire to succeed. I know that there are plenty of applicants just like me, who have worked very hard in school in order to be accepted someplace prestigious like the University of California, but there are not very many who truly understand the underlying meaning of such an opportunity. I have chosen education as a way to reach my idea of the American dream, and I plan to do that by taking my accomplishments and putting them to good use.
** Is this even good? and how do i fix the conclusion...its not done but I do not know what else to say, or how to tie it all together
Good morning :)
I think this makes a great start. You describe the attribute that makes you proud and how it has changed you into the person you are today. Your conclusion should restate the main points that you discussed in your paper and not introduce any new information. Your piece might contain something about your parents' influence and your participation in these groups. The most important thing is to make sure you don't include any new information in it; it should tell your audience what you've already told them.
Avoid using the pronoun "you" in formal academic writing; try using "me," "I," or "one" instead.
Best of luck!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
I think you had a good amount of reflection, but I still think you need more.
Remember, you want to introduce something new. You don't want to put something in your essay that your application already does for you.
the club you are in charge of-"you wouldn't have it any other way" <--take that part out, it is unnecessary.
what is your main theme? Steer away from describing all of your activities so much and focus on why they have made you a better person. Talk about who you really are because of them, not just what you have done..But great writing and flow throughout the whole essay. Great transitions too.
:)
Correct mine too please!
Thank you
