Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I chose to write about a personal quality, but it ended up being 789 words as it is right now. It would be great if you could help me cut it down to 500-600 words, if possible, and any other comments/feedback would be appreciated! Thanks in advance.
Sporadically, my wild, irrational side calls-which, in extreme circumstances, leaves me dancing around, jabbering like a monkey or a maniac (or both). My parents and friends are used to this wacky behavior, but on rare occasions an innocent bystander stumbles upon this unearthly sight. Ritualistically, the occasional spectator stops in his steps, raises an eyebrow, and suggests that I cut down on the sugar consumption. I wish it were that easy, but sugar isn't really the problem since my brother always hoards the Holy Grail of Skittles and Dreyer's "Rocky Road" Ice Cream. No, I'm afraid it's a family trait; my dad and grandpa practically have enough energy to lift an elephant. Please do not be alarmed. My family isn't a zoo of wild animals, nor am I one for that matter. It's just that I've always had an energetic and outspoken personality.
Even as a child, I was a loaded spring. When I was five, I reportedly left an aftermath of cratered bed mattress after plenty of repeated impact, the result of jumping and singing Disney songs for hours on end. Running through the courtyard of our apartment complex with my Lego-constructed sword pretending to be a Power Ranger, I drove my parents and the neighbors nuts. Eventually, my parents took me to the doctor to check if I had ADD. I didn't. The doctor said I had excess energy and just needed to run some more (Boy, were my parents thrilled).
Soon, other kids were exposed to my "ready, set, let's go!" character. Life was perfect in elementary school, but then middle school interrupted. While my friends lost their untiring youth day by day, I still had plenty to spare. Not always so spirited, my classmates would, at times, give me a hostile glance through their weary eyes. Discouraged, I toned down my enthusiasm, which appeased everyone but me. I felt like I had been locked away in a mental institution. I just didn't understand why people didn't share my vigor.
What people often mistakenly assume about me is that I am the epitome of disorderliness and disarray, which is quite the opposite. Despite my outward sugar-high appearance and demeanor, I am astonishingly a neurotic, meticulous perfectionist. Handwriting must be neat; homework has to be flawless; papers need to be neatly stacked. Everything must be balanced. It's kind of ironic, but my vivacious nature and desire for perfection create a mutual matrimony, like husband and wife, peanut butter and jelly, Yin and Yang, and what have you. However, it is the imagination, the creativity, the mental toughness, the innovative ideas, and the vision I have for myself that really make me so unique. These are things no interview, essay, or résumé can demonstrate.
Then again, sometimes order just needs to "chill" and have some fun. Memorizing vocabulary, working out physics problems, and studying for tests through cramming, in the little "academic bubble" I call my desk, just isn't my style. Often, I find myself reiterating formulas while doing silly dances and undulating my voice. Somehow, this crazy method of memorization works and also serves to entertain my brother and mom who laugh and occasionally dance along with me. Of course, I kept it all at home.
In school, life was a black and white movie until last summer, during which I was given a full scholarship to attend a cultural program, in South Korea, called Project HAN. It was a new project that had just been recently established for the sole purpose of allowing Korean Americans to experience and learn about their culture. It was just what I had needed: a splash of Korean color added to my palette, which I could then mix with the American in me to see a true blend of hues between the two. Among strangers, a whole new life was given to me. I broke out of my inner cell, and unleashed my wild side to the world, whether it was ready or not. It was. The world decided to express its acceptance through surprise. Before curfew one night, I opened my room door to find ten pairs of eyes staring at me. It would have been more heart-warming if I didn't have just a shower towel concealing my boxers and lower half. Nevertheless, my friends greeted me warmly and enlightened me that they had gathered in my room to hang out. We played cards, talked about the different sites we had seen, and joked about the day's happenings. Our merriment ended with everyone scrambling back to their rooms for bed check and promising to meet again every night. Lying in bed that night, my heart danced, and I smiled knowing that the world had finally embraced my wild side.
The first thing to do is to trim off things that really aren't vital to the essay. For instance, "Soon, other kids were exposed to my "ready, set, let's go!" character. Life was perfect in elementary school, but then middle school interrupted. While my friends lost their untiring youth day by day, I still had plenty to spare. Not always so spirited, my classmates would, at times, give me a hostile glance through their weary eyes. Discouraged, I toned down my enthusiasm, which appeased everyone but me. I felt like I had been locked away in a mental institution. I just didn't understand why people didn't share my vigor" could probably be removed without hurting your overall essay.
Take a look at the piece and see what you can trim without really hurting your point. If it doesn't act as a vehicle to move your point, it can be removed. For instance, is "
Then again, sometimes order just needs to "chill" and have some fun. Memorizing vocabulary, working out physics problems, and studying for tests through cramming, in the little "academic bubble" I call my desk, just isn't my style. Often, I find myself reiterating formulas while doing silly dances and undulating my voice. Somehow, this crazy method of memorization works and also serves to entertain my brother and mom who laugh and occasionally dance along with me. Of course, I kept it all at home" absolutely vital to the prompt?
