Prompt: Describe the world you come from. For example your family, community, or school.
It's Friday night, and the soft sound of plucking guitar strings is resonating faintly from the walls of Friar Tucks Restaurant. The lighting is dim and the mitigating buzz of conversation around me pleasant; then as always the arguments arise. Our tones rise slowly at first gradually diminishing the amiable flow of small talk until our simple disagreement teeters on the verge disaster. This is dinner with my family. [,,]
Prompt: Describe the world you come from. For example your family, community, or school.
Hello! My edits and suggestions are below:
It's( It is) Friday night, and the soft sound of plucking guitar strings is resonating faintly from the walls of Friar Tucks Restaurant. The lighting is dim and the mitigating buzz of conversation around me(is) pleasant;( You somewhat jumped into the arguments quite fast in the paragraph, I would love another sentence here about the ambiance, then move to >) then as always the arguments arise. Our tones rise slowly at first gradually diminishing the amiable flow of small talk(,) until our simple disagreement teeters on the verge disaster. This is dinner with my family. (Wow you have a great vocabulary and an astounding way of describing the scene.)
As the only child of my parents, and the only grandchild on my father's side of the family, I have always been the center of attention. My grandfather, "Papa" as I call him, was a commander in the Navy during the Korean and Vietnam wars. As his only grandchild, I have always been subject to an endless number of lectures regarding everything from parallel parking to politics( I like the humor here ). My grandfather has always pushed me towards academic success, and motivated me to be studious and disciplined in everything I do.
While my grandfather is my motivator, my parents are my supporters. When I was Growing up(,) I remember looking at my house, which was small and rustic, and being embarrassed that it was not like the large beige houses with the perfect green lawns and white picket fences my friends lived in. It wasn't until I grew older that I realized that those big beautiful houses were filled with loneliness.The loneliness of a father who works four hours away, of a mother who couldn't remember the last time her children hugged her, and of children who used their parents absence to do whatever they wanted.It was after this realization that I re-evaluated my own home, and saw the vibrant, yet quite awful, paintings of my childhood displayed on the walls with pride, and most importantly I saw the love my parents felt for each other and for me something that no amount of fancy cars or perfect lawns could buy( This should be two sentence s). My parents are my supporters. The people that showed me the importance of creativity, of doing my best, and of having enough faith to believe that it will all work out. ( I really admire your descriptive sentences, but some of your sentences can be shorter, the words will flow smoother. Try shortening or using commas for some of your longer sentences.)
To say my family falls to opposite ends of the spectrum would be a bit of an understatement. We don't( do not) agree on politics, religion, sports, art, or even what restaurant to eat dinner at. Now that I come to think about it, there is very little we do agree on, but we are a family and that is what is important. That's( That is) why even when the people sitting at the table next to us leave the restaurant because we are arguing so loudly that our voices have covered the soft plucking of guitar strings, I simply hide my shadow of resigning embarrassment and smile. Because at the end of the day, it is their differences that have shaped me into the person I am, and will continue to shape me into the woman I hope to become.
Great ending! I love your poetic style of writing! As a reader, I had a little trouble understanding some of the longer sentences. I had to read it twice to get the flow and thought of the sentence as a whole. Overall this is a great piece. My suggestion is work on your longer sentences, work on dividing them if you have two to three thoughts in the writing. Good luck!
