Hey guys back again! Once again for Johns Hopkins with a 250 word limit. 2. Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)
London Trips
With a hiss and a piercing squeal, the doors snap shut. Eyes wide with fright, my mother frantically scrabbles at the doors separating her from her two sons. Her efforts are all in vain as the train gradually picks up speed and whisks my brother and I away down the tracks. Rolling my eyes, I turn to my brother and ask, "Do you think she's worried because she doesn't know the way home?"
My family has been spending Thanksgiving in London for seven years; serving as the family's navigators, my brother and I are unparalleled masters of "the Tube." Even the most train-savvy Briton's skills are meager in comparison. Yet, our British excursions provide many more experiences than those in metropolitan transportation. Britain is the rush-hour Piccadilly tube of culture, slammed full to the point of overflowing with attractions to satisfy my family's curiosities. Additionally, England's historical culture gives me an advantage in my studies. Trips to Stratford-upon-Avon and the Globe Theater proved invaluable in British Literature when studying Shakespeare's plays as well as his biography. Most importantly, I discovered the history of my own faith, Episcopalianism, in the Anglican church of England and attended service at St. Paul's Cathedral, a familiar service in a spectacular setting.
Though my celebration of the day of American origination and plenty in the motherland might suggest that I am an unpatriotic BBC fanboy, our trips to Britain have made me more aware and appreciative of the culture and history our two nations share.
Please dont hold back on critiques!!! Brutality is appreciated!@willyfree
The first sentence definitely hooks you in, but the second sentence made me sad, like you guys were being torn away from your mom. Coming from this vibe, when you "rolled your eyes", that seemed a little rude. Not sure if this is what you're going for though!
"Britain is the rush-hour Piccadilly tube of culture, slammed full ..." I did not know that Piccadilly was a street in England, so I'm not sure the admissions officers would know either? Unless I've been living under a rock haha.
I really like your ending!! It would disprove anyone who initially thought you an "unpatriotic BBC fanboy".
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Will, there is a disconnect between the opening story and the rest of the essay. You never did explain why your mom looked worried when the train left with you and your brother on board. Basically, the adventure tells the reviewer about your London exploits and how you enjoyed it and what you learned from it, but it doesn't tell the reviewer anything about you as a person. Who are you beyond this person who is always so academically inclined? This doesn't really reflect an interest on your part but rather, an expression of your continuing education. I think that if you remove the reference to "The Tube" and just focus on your trips to London and what you learned over several years about your personal development, as well as the increased academic interest on your part, the story will be one that better informs the reviewer about a side of you that the other prompts did not allow you to present. Focus on presenting either your personal and academic development or, make this a lighthearted essay about the time you spent on the Tube. Don't try to mix the two as it divides the focus of the essay and the reviewer.
