Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


250-650 word transfer essay from the common app. Why am I transferring and what are my goals?


qurfy 3 / 3 3  
Sep 13, 2016   #1
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)

Concerns:
A super early rough draft that I just cranked out before heading out to work. As far as concerns go, grammar is NOT one of them. I just don't want you guys to waste your time on that. Do I provide clear direction and reasoning within my paper? Anything I might want to add, takeout, or replace? Should I focus more on my reasons for transferring or my goals? I don't believe my reasons really go beyond what I've stated in the paper, but I'm sure I could list more if need be.

Thank you for any and all corrections/ advice.

I've decided to transfer to the University of Virginia for three main reasons. First, as an individual that just finished community college I'm looking to advance my education by completing a BA. Second, I find a deep desire within myself to get out of my comfort zone by exploring the world outside of Vermont. And third, financial support from the Air National Guard in Virginia would make this a fiscally viable move for me.

In addition to these three motives for my transfer, I also have in mind goals that I will pursue. Upon graduation I intend to seek employment as an English teacher in Japan through the JET program. I intend to use this time as an opportunity to strengthen my grasp on the language and culture. One issue that I want to tackle is the education system in Japan. I would like to improve upon English teaching in the country. Despite most students taking English lessons throughout school, many cannot speak the language. Through some personal research I've found some of the root causes being that many students don't utilize the necessary reinforcement for learning a language. In addition, many don't see a strong reason to learn the language. As an English teacher I would do my best to convince my students of its importance and to layout a program that encourages the student to constantly reinforce the material through engaging practice.

In line with my passion for East Asian culture, more specially Japanese, I intend to focus my efforts on expanding my current understanding of the cultures there and their relations to each other. I wish to further look into some of the tensions between certain countries such as Japan and China. I hope to use an understanding of the subtle nuances behind such issues to better tackle the problem itself. I see myself as a contributor to diffusing this problem and promoting healthy relations between the two in the future as a Foreign Service officer after completing my time as a teacher.
sinahector 7 / 34  
Sep 14, 2016   #2
Hi
good writing
just some points
I also have in mind goals=>I also have goals in mind
that I will pursue=> that I want to pursue
Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Sep 14, 2016   #3
Hello

Your text is nicely written and I think it will appeal to those who are meant to read it. However, there is one thing about it that I believe requires your attention. Specifically, the fact that the line of your reasoning in support of the suggestion that you'll indeed be able to make a difference as a teacher in China or Japan appears somewhat weak. What I mean is that the very context of the sentence 'I've found some of the root causes being that many students don't utilize the necessary reinforcement for learning a language ' implies that the concerned issue if fully objective. So, the proper strategy for tackling it should be objective (in the sense of being scientifically sound/logical), as well. Yet, your approach "I would do my best to convince my students of its importance " implies that you don't really have a concrete plan, as to how the concerned objective could be accomplished in practice. It doesn't sound very reassuring... This is the only semantic weakness I was able to find. I hope it helped. Regards.
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Sep 14, 2016   #4
Hi, your reasons seem very generic. Apart from maybe the Air National Guard one (although I'm sure many states have similar programs) it seems like those reasons would apply to hundreds of schools - why UVA in particular?

Your goals on the other hand are really good - very specific. Very few applicants have taken this much time to determine exactly what they want to focus on, so that is a big plus. I would build on this by stating why UVA is uniquely qualified to help you achieve these goals. Do they have any special education programs or classes that you could tie in with your goals? Maybe a multidisciplinary Education major / Japanese language minor option? Any particular classes or professors that intrigue you? Even a Japanese club? You are so specific with your goals, it would be great if you could have the same specificity in regards to your choice of UVA.

For instance, just glancing at the UVA website, I found this KCJS Semester and Summer Program that allows students to spend a summer or a semester in Kyoto Japan for an intense learning experience - sounds like something you could mention.


Home / Undergraduate / 250-650 word transfer essay from the common app. Why am I transferring and what are my goals?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳